At the end of my rope....

Only one thing pops in my head. For me I try to just give it to God. I do what I think is the thing to do and some days I'm better at it than others. The rest is up to the man upstairs.

I feel your pain. I really do! I'm pretty much in the same boat. Except I have 3 elderly people and a super old deaf and blind dog to take care of. That little dog was helping me keep it together. She was my rock. She still is in many ways except now I have to help her with everything including putting on little doggie diapers. Otherwise your situation is the same as mine. I wish I had a magical solution for you. I wish I had one for myself. But I don't. I can only commiserate. You aren't alone.

I found a network of caregivers to care for a 96 yr old aunt. They are patient, cook good meals and are virtual saints. They charge less than an agency. There are retired women who are willing to pick up the slack for a reasonable wage. Take care of yourself.....

Thank you DaughterGoneMad!
We went through the same thing with my grandfather, because of his assets we were over qualified for Medicare even though he pays out almost as much as his income each month. I'm going to look into Ahmijoy's response to see if something like that is possible for us too... thank you Ahmijoy! In the meantime, we found other local programs for seniors who were denied Medicare for similar reasons that has helped us be able to afford some type of care so far... I'm in California but if you google programs that help seniors receive care when denied for medicare, maybe companies or forums with local suggestions for your areas will pop up. Alzheimer's Association may have some info for things in your area as well.
We also found out about one of the programs through different social workers we contacted ourselves not just through the govt office but also through hospitals. "respite programs for caregivers" or "help for family caregivers" is a good way to search for respite grants and other programs too

We were told we were not Medicaid (I’m assuming you mean Medicaid and not Medicare) eligible. Medicaid told us we would need to open a Qualified Income Trust aka Miller Trust and any overage of Income would be deposited by us into that account for my husband’s-needs only. It would qualify us for Medicaid. Medicaid has many programs but you have to research, make phone calls, and fill out forms.

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. Good and bad, he has assets we are are NOT eligible for any assistance at all. He is not medicare eligible. And I gave up so much high pay work... caring for both of them, I am on the outside now of my own retirement savings! I need all that he has promised to care for mom (gone now) and him. Its a touchy situation! but I am stuck if you will. I cant make up the retirement savings now if I wanted to. Anyway... your words mean a lot to me. Thank you.

Both previous answers are good ideas.
If you have extra room in the house you can also consider having a part time caregiver in exchange for room and board, or a full time one in exchange for that and a weekly pay arrangement. It's okay to need to put yourself first. I know you don't like doctors but you should really consider support groups or therapy, they have both in-person and online now, it won't hurt to try it and even if you don't want to continue it they may give you even better ideas or suggestions.
It will get better in time. Stay strong and take action!
Also.. take some time out to do something you love!

I am so sorry that you are in that situation. My heart breaks for you.
I wish I had some wisdom for you.
All I can tell you is a few things that may or may not help you.
You should take dad to a dr, I know you are uncomfortable with Drs but there are medications to help him sleep through the night from my understanding. This in turn will help you get some much needed rest. Trust me when we don't get enough sleep it affects are ability to make good & healthy decisions for our LO and for ourselves. Plus, it makes life look so much better.
Next, and this is my belief that we are never truly alone. God is always with us. He just waits for us to call on Him. Just a thought!
I have found in my own life when I was alone or even just thought I was alone somehow/somewhere someone new would just show up in my life. I can't explain it. I can't even understand it. It happen before I decided to walk with Jesus. I think it had to be Him. It never even made any sense.
And the people on this site are amazing. So, you have us. True it is not the same as having human contact, which brings me to my next point, see if there is a support group in your city.
As I have readed more times than I can count everyone here says, "take care of yourself", and you need to do just that.
I hope this helps alittle.
Keep us posted.
Good luck & God bless.

From your screen name and the tone of your post, it’s pretty obvious you’ve reached the end of your rope. Your father, who may have been such a guy before dementia took hold, is no longer that guy. And as you travel this lousy journey with him, it only gets worse.

What do you want to do? What do you think is the solution? Do you think Dad needs to be somewhere? Sounds like he needs around the clock care. Can he self-pay or should you file for Medicaid? In a facility there will be three round the clock shifts of trained people to take care of him. There are people there who can take care of him at 3AM when he’s screaming. He will get meds, food, clean clothes and bedding, and supervision to keep him safe.

Do you work? Is he alone during the day? That may rapidly become not such a good idea if he is. You’ll have to quit your job to be home with him. Can you afford to have no income and buy your own health insurance plus put some money aside for retirement?

Do you want to contact his insurance—Medicare and supplemental if he has it—and ask if they will cover a health aide to come and help you out? Will Dad accept a health aide in the home?

You have done your time and paid any dues. You know no one is going to drop from a cloud and say “let me help you”. You need to decide what you are willing to do and then be determined enough do it. Good luck and come back with updates. We care!