At my wits ends.

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I’m at my wits end with my mother she’s in the hospital she has pneumonia and the doctors want to talk to us before we send her to short term care for respiratory rehab. she’s stopped getting out of bed after she claimed that the nurses let her sit on the bedside toilet for 25 minutes, as it turns out she pressed the wrong button, now she’s stopped eating because she said she had a abscess on her gum, they gave her medication for that. Then she claimed that she couldn’t eat because the food won’t go down they checked her her pain pills go down fine so now they are using a feeding tube. Tonight I was just annoyed with her and told her “look if you don’t start eating and doing therapy you’re going to die! I don’t want you to die but is this seriously your plan after beating cancer?” she sat there and looked at me like I was speaking French and asked what was she doing, then blamed the doctors and nurses for the condition she’s in. By the end of the visit I had it and just walked out the hospital without caring that the nurses were looking at me because I told her she’s not doing one d*mn thing to help herself because the doctors have said she can turn her health around if she just puts in the effort. She’s always been stubborn could care less about my feelings and I’ve had it and now I feel guilty for going the tough love route with her but how else can I get through to her that I don’t want to lose her? Nothing seems to get through that melon head of hers

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If you can get inside the person's head ,that's a wonderful thing. All my best to you and your mom.
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hey ba...yup, i get it.....however, my mom is a 92 yr.old sourthern lady who's idea of a drink of water is a teaspoon, has never said the word"damn" but once in her life,and is always courteous and sweet.....she is my best freind and i hold her dear to my heart......she is not and has never been a mean or cruel person....i laughed when she said that....the next day, she was right back to her old self......i know its a touch of dehydration/dementia....mainly, i was trying to say...........ask your mom stuff.....don't assume you know how or what is going on in her mind.......thats how i sort out the days its sundowners time, or plain depression ........or dehydration issues.....talk with her ...not at her....... and i disagree...you can soothe some of the dementia issues........by routine and kindness and consistance....
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Porch, you remind me of a time when my very sweet husbsnd told his mother something just like that...ie, if you don't take care of yourself you'll wind up in the hospital. She had undiagnosed dementia...anyway, she told husbsnd that if he spoke to her like that again, she'd call aps on him for elder abuse. My husbsnd backed off and let his brothers take over. There's things you can't fi
x and dementia is one of them.
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this is hard.....i am a blunt person, and try hard tosee thru my moms eyes what she sees.....it really helps......put your emotions and anger aside for a moment, and calmly sit her down and say "mom, i love you and am worred about you...what can i do to help you?" then listen hard......its hard not to be angry cause they do twist us around.......my mom told me, when i said" you have to eat and force yourself to drink as much as you can,or you will have to go to the hospital"......she said "don't threaten me!"... i think she is feeling sad for whatever reason, and lonely.....put your feelings on hold and put yourself in her shoes and see if that helps..........i also think, you might havesome depression issues and dementia going on........both hard to diagnosis in old folks......YOU HAVE TO ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.....of her!
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One person here told her parents she was hiring a laundress. It seemed to work.
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Chippy, at least you figured out QOL. I kept reading it over and over on this site. Drove me crazy. So, I Googled it... You're much smarter than me. You're not the only one who has this problem about strangers coming in the home and the parents refusing help. I just can't remember how they overcame it.
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Chippy, Welcome! Ask your question as a "new question" and you'll gets lots of good advice. Can you take your mom out for mother's day alone snd see if she's got any interest in changing her situation? Going to a doctor? Looking into household help?
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I am new here, and have been reading the comments. I really think I found the right place. I am a 56 yr old with a 77 yr old mother. I love this lady with all my heart! Tomorrow being Mother's Day this is really hard but... I need to start some where so here I am. I am at my wits end. My mom was diagnosed with depression many yrs ago. Dementia seems to be in the family genes. Anyway she was a go getter church every Sunday. Always thinking what she could do for others. But she has been slowing down the past 5 yrs. this is really hard. ...she has been with a man in her life for the past 35 yrs but not married. Living together. He is 80 and not well. They do not communicate any more just yell at each other. Ok anyway what brought me to this site is they will not let any one out side of family help them. No one! No one can come to the house to help. The conversation has been brought outa y times over the past 3 yrs. so they know how we feel. I need help because I can't deal with this the way it is going. How do I get past that they will not except help and have a better quality of life. Haha I just figured out QOL. Please help me help her.
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ExhaustedinSC I'm sending strength, courage and positive energy your way. I'm sorry for the loss of your mom.
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'twas a joke Shaking...just a joke.
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