At mercy of drug using daughter and boyfriend.

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I will be 65 in a few months. My husband of 30+ years committed suicide in home basement. We had a paid off house in suburbs, but were behind in property taxes in NJ. Obtained reverse mortgage in 2008. My name was taken off of title and deed w/o knowledge. Later determined by fed. Govt. to be victim of predatory lending. 2 months after signing paper work my husband committed suicide. Because I was not 62 foreclosure was started against me. Lived in house for 30 yrs and worked all of adult life. Meanwhile I was left w/o support system. Returned to work not in my field. Daughter attended medical assistant school. New job was companion for 85 yr old woman close to home. Township turned off my water for 'not using enough water' Eventually we were forced to leave house because of lack of water.I moved into house of employer and paid most of my salery for rent. My daughter moved in with friends and began new job as MA. I was in retail adv. Design for newspaper w impeccible employment history.I looked young for age, physically fit, well educated, fashionable, outgoing. When my charge died at age 89 I needed to find a new home. My daughter rented an apt. In Philadelphia. I moved in w her. Both my husband and myself came from wealthy families. My husband was due to inherit large sum after step mother was deceased. In case of her outliving him the money would go to blood, bypassing spouses of my husband and his siblings spouses. When step mother died after husband inheritance was left to my daughter which was not considered a problem because we had agreed it would be split. When daughter received it, close to 1 million dollars, she told me she would give me only $50, 000. She would not discuss where she came up with arbitrary sum. I believe it was her new boyfriend who influenced her. I always gave my daughter finest clothes, toys, cars, etc, never used corporal punishment, was always a good and generous caring mother. To regain possession of my house I needed 30,000. She has never given me the 50, 000 as promised and eventually house and all of my possessions were seized without notice. Clothing, antiques, furniture, important papers, computers, everything.
In the 2and a half years living w her in a strange city my health has dramatically declined, I stay alone in a cheap white apt room totally isolated as daughter and new boyfriend will not talk to me. I don't have my car, I see no one, and have lost almost all of my hair due to stress, malnutrition and dehydration. My eyes have also deteriorated, untreated cataracts, vitreous detachment and mass on brain/orbit. Untreated broken ankle. Literally sit and lie on bed every day for over one year now. No walking, movement at all except to bathroom, kitchen. In the beginning, my daughter would buy food and I could at least cook nutritious meals. Now, she will order delivery for boyfriend and self only. I went through 12, 000 that I had managed to save in 3 years at last job. I was forced to relinquish all of it for rent and food. Finally I became elibible for widows benefits. 750 per month. Must use that for cabs to rare dr appts and mostly for food delivery. I usually eat one meal every 4 days. New boyfriend is only 25 while my daughter is 34. Its obvious that she is being used. I asked them to pick me up a few pieces of flounder, he said it was too expensive and that they are tired of supporting me. I told him that he doesn't support me but that my daughter supports him! They go on long extravagant vacations since neither of them choose to work. I long for my flowers and my birds at home and miss my husband so much. Also, my cats were left behind and I wonder what has become of them.
In first year here, my daughter who is bigger than me would attack me physically and literally throw me out of the apt
Because I said that I would call social services she has stopped laying hands on me but continues to verbally and financially abused me. Her new boyfriend is verbally abusive Calls me old woman and they tell me to Die in this room, and to go and live under a bridge. Everyday There are new packages arriving for my daughter of expensive clothing Hundreds and hundreds of pieces Meanwhile I am dressed in rags, old T-shirt w holes and pants that don't fit. When they tell me to leave If I don't like it here I say give me the money that you promised and I will leave. He tells me " You ain't getting s***" Neither one has a driver's license or job. My daughter has been convicted of several dui's, now uses cocaine and heroin that new boyfriend has introduced her to. They sleep all day, awake around 6pm and are up all night arguing, slamming doors, etc. I have no where to turn and have been threatened by bf not to even try to seek help. I am now unrecognizable and have aged 30 yrs. Near starvation every day, no fresh air, sun or exercise, I am dying. Have kept photos of my decline and of abuse on this phone. There is much more. What advice can u offer as I feel I would still be an asset to world if well & free. Please do not call authorites. Thank you for listening.

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Keep posting, it came through. Repeat everything good you did for you the other day. Be well!
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Yes, I see it now. Whew, takes so long to write. Wanted to say that futon was in box for a month, not a week. Liz
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Did my comment go through, I reread it and needed to edit word week to month and hit a button at top and said copied to clipboard, and it disappeared. Liz
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To Country mouse, to answer why he would let old friend visit (not a minor point at all): I thought it strange also! Very strange. Then I thought: what does Mark (boyfriends name) want. Hmmm. After my daughter kicked out her first bf who she was engaged to for 5 years for this new con man, and who treated me very well he had left some belongings behind to pick up later. One was a couch. Ex fiancee picked up his couch recently. He had given my daughter notice that he was coming for his things a month ago. This was fine with my daughter, but Mark argued and screamed day before saying , tell him its not convenient, this is my house now, not his, he can talk to me not you, I'll kick his ---. Rachel was in middle of texting Chris and Mark was instructing her on what to say, no don't tell him that, say this etc. Anyway before Chris came over to get his stuff, I saw Mark in storage room going through Chris' stuff. We were on civil basis then (I was pretending to like him, thanked him profusely for every small thing he did like picking up a yogurt 4me, etc., playing it real dumb w him) He said to me, you know, Chris has a lotta valuable stuff here, I could take some and sell it, trick is to just take a little, not too obvious. Chris collects first edition comic books, artist supplies. I'll also add that Chris is a manager & works long hours, not the "I'm not slaving for the wage, man" quote from Mark. When Chris came back to pick things up he brought his new gf who Rachel is friendly with. When the guys were loading up his stuff, new gf came in to say hi to Rachel. She's assertive and walked right in, calling for Rachel who was playing opposum, finally after knocking on br door she came out but Mark came back in and ushered them both outside w them. Later that night, Chris called Rachel and was very upset that an expensive art book was missing, Mark got on phone and cursed him out saying he didn't take it.
Later that week, Mark had his mother buy them him (Rachel & Mark have developed into a third personality) a cheap futon from walmart to replace Chris' couch. The futon remained in the box for a week, I knew he was incapable of and too lazy to assemble it. So a month later, when I heard that her friend was coming for birthday, (daughter told me) I was curious. I figured it out and even wrote in my journal that Mark would use him to put futon up. Sure enough, after they came back from dinner, Rich the platonic friend was put to work assembling futon. He slept that night on it and was waiting to take them out to breakfast, I went into lr and saw Rich just sitting there. So I went in to see him. Dropped subtle hints in our conversation. Also, Mark had no intention of going back out for breakfast. Rich is her best friend and she used to have Sunday breakfast at diner every 2 weeks or so when she lived w Chris but not anymore. Rich had assembled the futon, now get out is basic scenario. Rachel never even came out to say goodbye and he has done so much for her. There are many red flags w Mark.
Last night after I finally ate and wrote to Eddie and Send I made my shopping list up for today. When I woke up Mark had already biked to store and even made a second trip, bringing back tons of cat food. I had been buying them cases through Amazon and last week Rachel texted me that she appreciated it. When I heard him complain that I was over feeding them, I texted my list and cat food was at top of list. It's so obvious that he wants Rachel totally dependent on him only. As soon as he found out that I was going to market, boy did that get him up and out and he bought so much cat food and proclaimed this to Rachel. The question from Country mouse was very important and not minor detail. I know that Rachel won't be seeing Rich again as long as he's with her.

To Send me: Yes your confirmation helps a lot. Yes, I am vulnerable but aware. I always lock my bedroom door now. I realized that I have to be in a position of strength to help Rachel which means to live elsewhere. I wrote in my journal this morning to wash face, wash hair and I did it! Not going to let this underbelly of society bring me down. Everybodies CONFIRMATION extremely to me. It tells me that I'm not crazy just stuck in a bad situation. Once I'm out of here I will contact Rachel's legions of friends, they might have ideas. Meanwhile, I know what I'm really up against and I'm smarter than he is. I hear my daughter's voice regressing and his constant murmuring and brainwashing voice day and night. Because of him my daughter is drug user, has given up on her nursing career, kindness is gone, love of life is gone. Mark's mother has been married 6 times, collects from string of ex husbands so there is family background for conning people there.
I know that I will prevail now, thanks to all three of you. Before this I had laid down to die. I'm playing the Massa Mark bit while I'm here. More dangerous to speak mind. He had Rachel turn my phone off Friday morning and that is a disaster. I called carrier and paid bill w number on file, probably my daughter's. She would never do this to me, otherwise, even if we had a spat. I could never afford it otherwise and is my only link to outside and keeps my mind active when I play knowledge games and text old acquaintances, see news and interact with people on group sites. I know I'm substituting this for live real interaction but must remain sane.
So when Mark came back from store I made a point to go into kitchen and praise him for his shopping. Must defuse not aggravate.
So my new job is to take care of myself and help Rachel later when I am able.
I listed steps that you gave me, Send, and I am following them. After the washing of my hair, I was tired and wasn't strong enough for market, will try to go tomorrow, but there is water and pasta now and I will make that now for me.
I am posting publicly because of your comment that I was posting privately before. I thought what is the difference and then considered that public posts would be of more value to this site. Confirmed by Send, for I wasn't sure.
Thanks to all, you provide a tremendous service.
Liz
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So far, so good. Keep trying Lizzy. Thanks for answering here because then more people can help. I no longer think you are gravely disabled, but very vulnerable. In order to help your daughter, you will have to get out and help yourself first. When she sees how you escaped, she will think about it. She is much more able right now than you. Oxygen mask on mother first. You are right, the boyfriend sounds like a criminal. I don't know if confirmation of that is helpful to you or not, but your next question should be to yourself: Why am I still here? There will be no logical answer. So happy that you are able to clean up, eat food, and think better now.
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Lizzy, I'm glad you're getting things a bit more together.

I'm a little curious as to how someone who is intent on isolating his girlfriend would then allow an old friend of hers to stay overnight for a birthday breakfast.

But actually that's only a detail and the important thing is how you get on. I hope that now you're able to start taking better care of yourself things will continue to improve. Please keep posting, best wishes.
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To Sendme, I just now read your comments. Yes, after 5 days I received heart pills and am taking them. I have a wrist monitor and with combination of 0 nutrients and heart pills for 5 days, my blood pressure was in stage 2, very high and with my arhythmia, wrong spelling, I had a reading of 113 pulse at rest w 155/112 blood pressure reading. After getting my pills, after only 1 ziac pill I was down to 126/84 and resting pulse at 68! I'm angry that I let this happen to me. But he had kept saying he would get them and in beginning he was. I have learned my lesson not to trust anything he says. Your baby steps comment was on target because yesterday I ordered a blt sandwich and a salad. Not the best food I should be eating but it was food and gave me strength to focus on getting out of situation as unscathed as possible. I wrote to Eddie & thanked both of you. I saw ur comment, assessment of my being gravely ill and knew that you detected something in my behavior. I welcome constructive feedback and realized that I had to do something quickly.I bathed, put on clean clothes. As regarding my telegen efflusiam, rapid shedding of hair (was diagnosed over a year ago by a dermatologist) it will grow back after stress is gone as continued severe stress causes this condition. But if I comb it or wash it , it falls out even more so the loss of my hair is hard to deal with. But your advice on washing it is correct because I was told by dermatologist that my scalp was infected and I have a spot on my head now which burns. I will buy hydrogen peroxide to apply after its washed. Have noticed that after it is cleaned the shedding stops. Maybe because the pores and hair follicles are clogged? I have already made up a list for supermarket including fresh fruit & vegetables, salmon, ensure, yogurts, water. Am going today by cab. It's no wonder that body and mind are breaking down after nearly 3 yrs of living this way in isolation, the total withholding of food & water is a new deprivation, though. Lastly, I hadn't tought that the boyfriend is drugging me but I have considered that he wants me out of the way, and yes dead. He has isolated my daughter from all of her friends ( i text and talk to them on phone as i was always like a second mom to her friends and they tell me that she doesn't contact them anymore but last week a buddy of hers from childhood was going to go out to dinner with her because it was his birthday Little did he know that the boyfriend would be tagging along. he does not let her out of his sight ever. Her friend slept over on couch and was promised a birthday breakfast Since I know him very well I came out of my room to speak with him We were speaking for about 2 hours, adult conversation , politics etc and at one point the boyfriend came out & told him my daughter wouldn't be able to go because she wasn't feeling well. We were still talking when we were interrupted by the boyfriend. Even though he delivered his message he remained in lr when he could have gone back to the bedroom But he didn't . He realized that I was speaking to him so he remained in living room until he was gone. I was not left alone with him after that. He ushered him outside and I didn't get a chance to tell him what was going on. Another incident was when I ran into my daughter in the kitchen and since I was out of toothpaste I asked her if I can borrow some. As soon as he heard me talking to her he dashed out of the bedroom and almost in a panic said what's going on! I thought that was odd but filed it away in my memory It was right after that that he volunteered to actually go to the drugstore and pick up my meds. When he came back I noticed there was a big tube of toothpaste that I hadn't asked for. I suppose this was to ensure I don't even speak to her at all. I don't trust him I believe that he would do harm to me So if there's opened soda or juice in the refrigerator I will not eat anything that comes from him. Anything that he makes I'm afraid to eat. Not that im offered anything. He might poison my food or drink I double check everything And have even taken to keeping food and water in my room when I have some. Hadn't thought that he might be giving me drugs only because he probably wouldn't want to waste it. But I am aware of possible poisoning and because of that I won't touch anything he offers me when he would offer me something The toothpaste incident Is the only reason that he went to the drugstore in the first place to get my med. This list had asked for yogurt but he didn't get me that but he somehow knew to buy toothpaste. But my daughter s behavior has become very docile, passive like mine and she speaks in a singsong voice now very small. He has possession of her checks and funds, credit card. She doesn't stand up for me or herself. He has total control over her. As her mother, I hesitate to leave her at his mercy, quite frankly. She would marry him in a heartbeat and then I would fear for her life.
So, that's my story. Neither one will speak to me after I told him to stop lying about me to Rachel. He said that I let one of our cats out because I broke the screen. I said why would I do that, he said, maybe u were angry. Totally baseless. Then I was accused of overfeeding the cats and leaving a cat can on the counter. Other lies but my daughter listens to him and is treating me like I had done something unforgivable. Meanwhile his only job for free rent, lavish gifts, sound equipment, drums, guitars, clothes and vacations is to clean the litter boxes. His way is to never clean it for a month, then buy new litter and dump box after a month. I suppose I'm not helping Rachel at all by staying because he has already successfully Isolated her from me. A very strange situation, and don't forget, he's only 25!
Anyway, your support and an organized list of things to do is very helpful since I am confused and frozen and have never had to deal with such an odd set of circumstances before.
Liz
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Liz,

Last thing you need is to be coddled. So I'm not going to shower you with phrases like "You poor thing, that's terrible;" or "How insensitive of them to treat you that way." Forget it.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but it seems that pretending to be vulnerable and utterly helpless somehow makes you feel better about your living situation and yourself.

In the time it took you to write your post you could've dialed for assistance. What's stopping you?
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Elizabeth, waiting for you....how's it going today?
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Have you washed your face today? How about heart meds, taken that? Or do you even have possession of them?
Will this type of support help you get up and get moving?
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