I’ve messaged here before. I’ll try to summarize:

1 dad took his own life March 2018

2 he did EVERYTHING for her not necessarily because she was incapacitated but just that was the nature of their relationship

3 she has had some dementia and I feel it was going on even when dad was alive but he/they hid it


4 she was with me a while, my brother 4 months, back in my town to an apt ..had stroke, was in AL, hated it said it was an “old persons dormitory” and the guilt made me move her in.

5 we finished our half basement..not a true bedroom but has a full bath and is like a studio and helps her have her own space...


I have replaced my father to her. She will. Not. Leave. Me. Alone. Greets ya at door in husband after a long

pouts if we don’t take her places all the time (I take her to grief group, Sunday school and paint class).

She's NEVER been one to want to hang out and play cards. She obsesses over things and won’t let it go...

I will be done with NP school in May. I have a 13’year old daughter and husband. I am Not in a position to be a caregiver. But if I mention an independent or AL place she says things like “well if you’re going to kick me out,”

or “I can't bear the thought of being all alone” (mind you her own mother lived in AL Because my mom wasn’t about to stop working and have her move in)

my brother shares POA but is a horrible communicator and is ignoring my requests for at least a 2-3 respite to keep her. He said today he’d get back to me soon ....I told him the longer we can save I guess the more she’ll have for a place of her own.

I guess I just want words of encouragement...that it will be ok.

I feel out of my mind. I’m doing more for her than she did for her own mom, yet she will remind me that she and her mom had a great relationship and she thought we did too but it doesn’t seem like that anymore ...

she’s maddening...

I just need a break. The holidays were sad because she sits around and waits for my brother to call and he NEVER DOES. Oh he called Monday but didn’t talk or leave a message (he called I think because he knows ill look at phone and see if he called )


just venting.

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Google FOG (fear, obligation and guilt).....there is some good information about this.......

"Yes, Mum I am going to kick you out. This situation does not work for me. I expect you to be moved into AL by the end of the month."

Vent away, then get ahold on your life, you fell for her whining before and now you are enmeshed in her insanity.

Don't allow this to continue, she is manipulating you big time. Tell her that you can no longer do this and place her in AL. She will not be alone, people are there to serve her 24/7. she will be with people her own age and there a plenty of activities.

All will not be ok until you make some sound decisions for her and you both. Don't let the self imposed emotion of guilt paralyze you and ruin your life.

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