Are you looking forward to the holidays?

Jodi and Chris,

Good points!

Hey, Chris

Make my drink a gin and tonic!

Have put on some festive music and decorated the Christmas tree whilst Mariah Carey has been telling me in no uncertain terms what she really wants for Christmas! Time for a seasonal drink before tackling the Christmas lights, tinsel and candles. Starting earlier than usual this year as we all need a lift after the terrible year we've had.

NHWM,
Someone recently posted that Christmas was the least Christ like day! It breaks my heart!!

My fervent prayer is that regardless if someone believes in Christ or not, they can feel that Christmas is a day of Hope!!
Hope for future and Hope to have the strength to overcome the past!!

It's the one day that is celebrated all over the world!!

24 hours of solidarity!!!
What better day than that!!

I love what Christmas represents.

I get tired of the commercialism.

I love simple traditional decorations, poinsettias, evergreen wreaths with red bows, a beautifully decorated tree, tiny white Christmas lights that remind me of stars.

I like baking Christmas cookies.

I love a beautifully dressed table, with holiday food and candles.

I despise blow up Santa Claus on Steroids!

I feel so sorry for all those who have a difficult time with family at Christmas. Long ago we decided we would opt out of all of this. We visit family in the run up to Christmas, often meeting at a “neutral” restaurant halfway between where we each live, avoiding giving anyone too much house and kitchen work and preventing anyone from complaining about anyone’s efforts being sub standard and setting off World War 3. We enjoy a nice Christmas lunch, swap presents and then go home. My favourite moments are firstly arriving home after all of this is done, and secondly on Christmas Eve afternoon when I have the kitchen to myself to prepare foods for Christmas Day and to listen to the Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols on the radio. My husband and son leave me alone at this point. They go off to wrap some presents and let me enjoy the wonderful Christmas carols and readings. We are all happy. On Christmas Day we enjoy opening presents, good food and then just doing whatever we want to do, without having to please anyone. There are no arguments. It is bliss.

"Mom, I've just had major surgery; I'm not up to having houseguests this Christmas. We can all Zoom so you can see the grandbabies, but DD doesn't want to expose them to more new people just now during this terrible surge."

"No, I'm sorry, Mom, that's my final decision; doctor's orders, you know".

"Mom, I'm going to ring off now, we'll talk when you're in a better mood".

Beatty,

LMAO!!!

NM is ALL 3 of those scenarios!

Maybe I'll go online and find a vintage No Whining T-shirt! Lol

Perhaps I will leave nothing but hand towels out for when she showers! Hahaha

Now Jodi, your ground rules! Yes I love them!!

Get a Tshirt printed that says 'Like it or Leave' or 'Keep calm & stop complaining' 😁

I read your list & can't decide if NM is
1. Fussy & therefore tries to control everything
2. Drama Queen - loves a reaction
3. Delegater - to confirm she is the boss.

Whatever her motives, she speaks & then expects YOU to fix the issue. May I suggest turning it all back onto HER to fix HER issue.

"The children are too noisy". Yes they are loud. If you don't like it, why don't you leave the room & go sit somewhere quieter.

"Your bath towels are wrong". Did you bring your own? Next time you should.

"You have given me too much food". Sorry. I'll take that plate away. It would be better if you served yourself so you can have what you want.

Oooh I love this game...

"Your house is too cold". I hope you have brought a sweater?

The end game is The Pampered One giving a one word command eg "cold" & the minions rush forth with heat pack, blanket & furry slippers.

I'm with Alva. I love decorations - other people's! LOL. I still like looking at the decoration displays in the shops, but not from start of Oct. Just too long. December is enough.

Each year I try to simplify. Cut out a bit more fluff & leave only what I like. Last year I left half of the decorations off the tree & only bought gifts for kids. I even wore a plain red Tshirt - instead of a cheery Christmassy image one.

I forsee a year I hang a painting of an Xmas tree up for 3 days only in December 😁

gladimhere, Alvadeer and Shell,

Thanks for your support!!

It's been a tough year for all of us!

I'm working hard on dealing with my feelings about my narcissistic mother!! It's a tough process!!

I'm so grateful for your insight!!😘

Lealonie1,

I am thinking about laying down some ground rules!
1) Kids are noisy!! No complaining
2) Everybody's weight is not open for discussion and OFF LIMITS! No complaining!
3) My bath towels and the same size as every other bath towels! No complaining!
4) If I put too much food on your plate, eat what you want and leave the rest. No complaining!
5) If you're cold in my home, put on a d*mn sweater. No complaining!!
6) NO COMPLAINING!!!
7) If you can't adhere to these guidelines, I will gladly take you back to your home with NO COMPLAINING!!!

How am I doing??
😁

I'm with Lealonnie on this one. My mother's mom (grandma) I use this term in general because I never really got to know my mother's mom. When this woman did come back into our lives I was about 21 or 22 yrs old. One day this woman started calling me horrible names and my mother said nothing and did nothing to her mom. Well, grandma died and life went on; however, I never got over the fact that my mother did nothing. In other words, my mother let her mom verbally abused me and thought nothing about it. The resentment I feel...there are no words!

So what is my point? Your mom ragges on your DD and makes her cry and I am sure you have had told your mother to quit attacking your DD, but your mom probably kept doing it-right?!

Well, let me give you your DD point of view--your DD wants to spend Christmas with you-not your mother. If your DD comes to your house and your mom is there saying whatever she says to your DD and once again makes her cry...feel bad about herself...and ruins her Christmas. Your DD will be hurt and probably mad. I hate to say this, but I am afraid she will be angry with you, she may not say anything this time, but at some point it will come out. Believe me, I speak from experience. Do you really want your DD to ask you why you let grandma come over when you know she is mean to her? Or how grandma ruin her Christmas! Do you really want your DD to be resentful? No of course you don't want that.

All I ask is to think about how your decision will effect your DD and is it really worth it!? Please take your DD feelings into consideration.

I wish you the best of luck!

Oh, Jodi, you are my Mom recreated.
She LOVED all Holidays. She LOVED them and their decorations, everything from shopping to food. Elaborate and wonderful were our trees with villages and trains running round the tree. And the food and the and family ornaments. And the popcorn stringing. She was Mr. Fezziwig if she was anything.
I am her complete OPPOSITE. I LIVE for normal life and a return to it. I love the decorations, other peoples. I don't like presents, getting or giving. I am your original grinch. I love present giving all the year and loathe it at Christmas.
So for me? Tailor made this Covid thing. The ONLY GOOD THING TO BE SAID for it.
To me Christmas and most other holidays (I of course LOVE Day of the Dead) puts burdens upon us that often add to our woes.
Isn't it amazing how different we all are. I have one thing in all the things I have saved for the Season that brings me true joy, and that is the finger paintings the grandkids made with me long ago when they were young, that we then cut to the shapes of ornaments and ran ribbons through, and that I string all through the house each year. And I loved the music, and the walking through the streets looking at the decorations of everyone ELSE.
I hope everyone this year finds that one thing that is the JOY of the season. The kids are grown. The money this year goes to charities. The memories are all in a bundle on Santa's back.

For me? This is the perfect year to be a Grinch and just say bahumbug! And get away with it!

Tell mom NO!

I wouldn't allow your mother into your house if she's going to be weight shaming your DD. No joke. Or, if you do allow her in, escort her out the MOMENT the weight shaming begins. There is NO excuse for that behavior at ALL. My mother has done this to me and to my DD for years, and I do not tolerate ANY of it. Funny thing, too, now SHE is 190 lbs yet STILL talks about others being 'fat' and having a 'big arse' and all sorts of rotten comments. She had me in Weight Watchers at 9 years old, back in the days when the leader would have you put on a pig mask if you gained 4 ounces. No joke there either. Imagine today, doing such a thing?

Anyway, you stirred up a bunch of terrible memories for me with what you said. DO NOT allow your mother to do ANY of this to you or your DD this year or any other year, for that matter. She has no right. You just recovered from surgery, so you should call OFF The Holidays this year, IMO.

My DH is still recovering from 2 major surgeries. We stayed alone for Thanksgiving and had a Zoom meeting with all of our children & their spouses that evening. My DIL brought us a ton of food and dropped it off; love that girl. For Christmas, I can't even drum up the enthusiasm to decorate the house b/c frankly my dear, I don't give a d*mn. We'll stay alone on that day, too, and it's fine. My mother will stay in her MC ALF and that's that; DH cannot run the risk of getting the dreaded virus right now or it would probably kill him; so we're both hunkering down. So be it.

Do what YOU want to do & if that doesn't include your NM, then SO BE IT.

All the best to you & your family as we usher out The Worst Year in History.

I QUIT doing my family's Christmas party 5 years ago. It cost me a small fortune, people refused to RSVP--waiting on a 'better' invite, I guess, and the teens and young families didn't want to be there--you could feel their ennui....most people ate in a record amount of time and were GONE in an hour. My last party---I was out at least $250--I called an impromptu family mtg and said "I never doing this again."

Nobody stepped up and we haven't had a thing since. I feel bad for Mother b/c this is truly the only time she sees a lot of extended family.

Dh and I are both in the doghouse with his mom. Her 'drive by' 90th birthday on Sunday will not be attended by either of us, plus he is NOT gifting her anything. (Truthfully, I do all the shopping, but I'm not getting her so much as a card. He might have bent slightly in his anger, but I doubt it).

I am not a Scrooge, but I do try to save my energy for those who appreciate it. And my own personal feelings is Christmas is the LEAST Christlike day of the year.

squee2000

Thanks!!

(((Hugs)))

Beatty,

Stick to your guns !!!

(((Hugs)))

Funkygrandma59,

I'm so sorry for your loss!!
Truly not just empty words!! My heart goes out to you on what I can only imagine is going to be the hardest Christmas for you ever!!

I too am Christian. Although my faith is strong, this last 14 months has rocked me to my core!!

I know God has a plan and that I'm not supposed to question, however, I can't help but wonder why it came all at once.

I pray that Covid won't keep my daughter and my grandbabies from the visit that I desperately need!! I don't want them to travel if it's unsafe!!

I think your Hubby would want you to decorate for Christmas with all your heart and soul!!

Wishing you Peace and Joy!!
((((Hugs))))

Midkid,

I feel ya sister!!

It sounds as though you've had the same kind of year as me!!

Cancer, fractured foot and spine surgery! As if caregiving with Covid wasn't stressful enough!!

I have decided that on New Year's Eve, I am going to write down all the nastiness of this last year and ceremoniously burn the Hell out of it!!

God bless and ((((hugs))))!!!

Doing very little. Not looking forward much. I want 2020 OVER!

I also decided that folk turning up to Xmas who needed substantial disability assistance, should BRING that assistance. Expecting the host to provide this was rediculous. Boundaries!

Let's see if that has changed this year. Going to be awkward...

After Xmas 2 yrs ago I suggested sibling & I take turns. What?? The expectation was they would turn up with treats year after year (to our side & her in-laws) but never host or organise. I said no. I am not hosting, cooking & paying every single year. The same year, her SIL said the same speech! To be fair, they accepted this concept. (in words).

So the next year, did it change (by deeds)? Sort of. Still me organising. So I decided I would go on a cruise for 2020.... but d*mn that Covid....

No.

I already know it's going to be heartbreaking as we cannot be around our grandkids at all. Stupid COVID. THEY can all be together, but DH and I cannot be near them. (I am medium risk, he is VERY high risk.)

I already have everything bought, wrapped and done. We are going to one daughter's home at 11 am. We will stand outside the big front window and watch the grands open their gifts and then we will leave.

I've already cried a bucket of tears over this. Last year I was so sick from cancer chemo and just felt so awful--but the thing that kept me going was that my YD and her family would be home from her DH's fellowship and we'd all be together, finally, after 6 long years.

I haven't seen my 'baby' grand, who is a delightful and mischievous 2-1/2 for a month--they had covid and he never tested + so they kept him away from me. He stands in the window and cries for Nonny (me) to come in and hug him. My son is not really even speaking to me, his wife isn't at ALL, so there's not even a chance we'll even skype with that family.

How can this become joyful?? I'm trying. I have a month's list of 'giving and gratitude' projects from my church to follow to help with the season--but in my down moments, I am so depressed.

I have MUCH for which to be grateful, but the thought of Christmas morning and the inability of us to be together is heart breaking. I've got a lot of work to do to get over this selfishness---and I know that this too shall pass.

But....I am only human.

To answer your question simply(your last one, about how do you keep the joy)----to remember the real reason for the season. That should put it all in perspective.

I too am a Christmas "fanatic". Have been for years. In fact I have one of my spare bedrooms decorated for Christmas that I leave up all year long. And yes, there's even a tree in there.

I normally decorate the rest of the house early every year(beginning of Oct.), so I get more time to enjoy the decorations, but this year my husband of 26 years died on Sept. 14th, and to be honest, I wasn't sure I wanted to decorate that early. However, my youngest granddaughter(14) who usually helps me with my decorating, kept asking me when she could come help decorate. My husband knew how much I loved Christmas and all it entails, and he too loved Christmas and all the decorations, especially when he was bedridden in our living room and he got to be right in the middle of it all, so because of that, I had my granddaughter come in the middle of October and help me get everything decorated. I know my husband would not have wanted me to not do something that he and I enjoyed so much. And while it's hard knowing that he's not here to enjoy them with me, I'm sure he's looking down from heaven and smiling.

So life is short, don't live with dread in your heart. This has been a tough year for everyone. We all need a little joy in our lives. Perhaps you can have a conversation with your mom beforehand, asking her not to mention your daughters weight, and telling her that you would just like a a nice "peaceful" time as a family, and if she can't abide by that, then perhaps she needs to stay at her ALF.

Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas!!!

People have the best excuse ever for limiting holiday family drama this year, keep your bubble small!!!

Jodi -
Don't let your mom ruin your Xmas. It's also not fair to your daughter - how can she enjoy her time with you when gramma is weight-shaming her? That's mean.

You love xmas, so let yourself enjoy it to the max! How often have you been able to fully enjoy anything in 2020? Don't let this time be stressful and strained. Have fun with the kids. You do not need to be catering to anyone.

Have mom over after the holidays. Explain that you'd love to have her over on xmas, but can't because (fill in the blank). Give any excuse, blame your surgeon - yes, lie if you have to. You'll be able to do something kind for her and not sacrifice a chance at some xmas fun.

But if you must have mom over - how do you feel about edibles? Maybe mom would like to have 1 or 2 or 10. . . . No one needs to know :)

No Mother, I am very sorry but I can't have you stay this year. I have been ill & just cannot have house guests - even you. I am sure you understand. Maybe a little later in 2032, oops typo, 2021.