Has anyone read this article?

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"Why I want to live long and burden my children" by Cheryl Magness. I only found one discussion of it online, on Disqus, and all very favorable reactions there. I thought it was the most hideous, heinous, deplorable piece of carp I've ever read. Anybody else?

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It is what I told my mother this morning. Personally I am not going to be involved in it. I think the young woman is very nice and would want no part of alienating her. I also know that if I ever needed to go to the store or anything, she would gladly come over and help. I do appreciate her, even if my mother wants to push her away.

Sometimes, too, we need to let other people do things for us. Hope that makes sense.
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The first time one of the "faith based do gooders" get feces, or urine or vomit on them they would run for the hills, that's not what they signed up for.
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JessieBelle,

You or your mother can always contact the church and share that ya'll prefer not to be visited. Why burden the nice young woman who is just trying to be helpful with someone who obviously dreads such visits?
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My mother's church does have a group that ministers to shut-in seniors. From what I've seen, it is often young women with children who go to visit every month. I'm sure many do appreciate it. My mother is not one of them. She dreads the visit from our church lady, who is a very nice person. My mother tries to get out of the visits any way she can. I feel sorry for the young woman who just wants to help out.

Sometimes I hear people say "I'll pray for you." Maybe it would be best if they prayed for God to reveal a way that they could help. :-)
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I think this is an interesting topic of discussion.

I also think that anyone such as the author who purports to make what I suspect are conclusions, for anyone other than herself, could better spend her time offering suggestions to caregivers on how to deal with critical issues instead of addressing the whole issue of whether or not blessings arise from this extremely demanding undertaking.

I'd rather she write on what her church and others can offer to someone not necessarily of their faith, rather than her arbitrary conclusions.

Or perhaps she could create an elder task force that provides companionship to elders not necessarily of her faith, a group of people who reach out to those who are homebound, who might help locate assistance or provide transportation if there's no family around (such as arranging for MOW). That would be far more useful in my biased opinion.

Although I don't know a lot specifically about their mission, I believe from discussions with staffers that the Jewish services provide the latter type of service, as opposed to getting involved in judgmental issues.
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I've not read the article and from seeing the title do not want to.
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Wilile, your philosophy is very realistic! I would agree with it wholeheartedly, adding that you try to anticipate it to the extent possible, just as a precaution.
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It's part of that whole "toss them into life's crucible and they will emerge pure silver" philosophy. It also presupposes that there is a divine plan for our lives and any life lessons we learn were meant to be and are for our benefit. Personally I believe more in a "sh*t happens and you deal with it" kind of philosophy.
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As someone probably considered in the faith based community, I'll have to read this later because y'all have raised my curiosity. Just like in other facets of life, there are various opinions on this from a christian perspective across the board. And certainly a fair share on this forum in the time I've been here.

My hub is an associate pastor at our church. We and our senior pastor's family both have had our share of heavy caregiving in the last several years, them especially. We have very different opinions though. I think in one of my first posts here I mentioned the shock and awe of how much of an undertaking it is to do this. I too thought it would be something I'd want to do actually while they were still well, but learned it isn't. Not that I don't love and care for my parents, but the stress is incredible at times and that's just the truth. Doesn't mean it doesn't have a deeper value spiritually for me because I can say it has taught me some things about myself too.

However, when they suggested we take my parents into my home I said no that's not happening. It's not to say circumstances will not warrant it someday, but that's not something I would run to do. They meant it with love, wasn't snarky or smart, but I told them we both work full time and have other things we have to do. They have their own business and control their time more. We would never have a moments peace if they were here, that's just the reality and hub and I already discussed it. Add this to the fact that hub is working through cancer and don't need that added stress 24/7. I work from home and already get my share of calls during the day, so I would almost have to return to the office to do my work and be a responsible employee.

My employer as well as his has been great about all of this and I also don't want to be a bad witness either by taking advantage of their generosity. I have a whole new respect for caregivers and understand each person has to make the best decision they can for their parents, spouse or whomever is needing the care and balance that with their own lives.
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Since the article was written by someone in the "faith-based community", that puts it in a different perspective. I've met people who believe it's a blessing to do for others, and I understand that. But bringing someone a home cooked meal and doing other chores for someone in a religious group is a far cry from undertaking the legal, physical and emotional responsibility for care of an older person. Nor do I think that anyone should have that decision made or influenced by any individual in any group.

I've seen firsthand how much a particular "faith-based" group has contributed. Although there have been some helpful people, it's not a full-time job for them, and some of them are just nosy meddlers. In one situation someone had the audacity to give me "advice" on when to stop treatment for my father, telling me that he was old enough, had lived long enough, and I shouldn't "be dragging him all around town" to address medical conditions. That was hardly the situation, but it was none of his meddling business anyway. (Maybe it was because he had already decided on an antique that he wanted from my father's possessions.) Unbelievable!

I also don't believe that one person can make that decision or recommendation for others. Each of us has our own capabilities, strengths, weaknesses and limitations, and it's for us to decide how best to blend those factors into caring for our elders, and ourselves. It's not a community or church decision.

Knowing more about the background of the author, I know I would never bother to read anything she wrote. And actually, it sounds very much like one woman's perspective, rationalizing and justifying self sacrifice in return for blessings. That has to be an individual decision.

I do know of someone who believed and implemented this, caring for her husband with Alzheimers for over a decade, the last 3 years of which he was unable to communicate, literally in a coma, and bedridden. Only she can determine if this was a blessing to her. I can't believe it was to her husband.

I'll be a Klingon like Jessie, although I really don't want to adopt their diet. Yuck.
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