Anyone else's friends disappear?

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Has anyone else experienced friends letting them down or disappearing altogether after taking on caregiving responsibilities? Being a gold-medal codependent, I've always been there for my friends in their difficult times, so it was a bit of a shock when mine let me down as soon as I was suddenly responsible for my failing elderly mom. During some of this time, I didn't even have a working car! Some of them offered to visit her when I couldn't...and then didn't. Instead I was accused of "being distracted" and suddenly not attentive, as though I was doing something wrong when I was dealing with Medicaid eligibility guidelines, bills, nursing home staff, etc. I know I'm better off without unreliable, entitled people in my life, but I'd like to hear others' experiences in this regard. It's been a bizarre two years.

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Shinigami

It's called Survival, In other words, everyone for him/herself.
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In my experience I had have felt I'm not thought of unless I reach out first. Then it's "Heyyyyy! How are you?!?! So good to hear from you!" But nothing from them first. I have decided I'm not wasting my energy anymore. AMYGRACE, your story made me just shake my head as that is how so many people are. When you are out of people's everyday lives they move on and don't look back. I don't understand how you can be friends and friendly with someone on a daily basis, talk everyday and not care about hearing from them anymore. it's very sad.
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I have been trying to find a Dear Abby article that mentioned this. A married couple, "befriended" or so they thought, medical personnel, (doctors, nurses, etc) that cared for the husband's wife. The wife would bake them goodies and take them to these people. Long story short, the wife passed. The same people that they doted over, they never heard from again. The husband even drove a long distance to go to take his wife to this office, yet none offered any condolences, called him or even sent a card. He was very upset about this,

Abby's advice was to forgive them and move on. She reasoned, they are "cold" so as not to get too personally involved in case the person passes. Maybe some of the friends some of you speak feel the same.
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I hate to say it, but people are people no matter what the circumstances. (Not to say there aren't wonderful, loyal people because there are and they are precious gems (like my niece), but they are the minority.) Human nature is "out of sight, out of mind" and people move on if you are not around.
Its not only for caregiving reasons that "friends" disappear. We experienced the same elsewhere too - we are 70, no longer "young" and appealing to the boomers and gen exers. For 15 years we freely gave of our time, many many hours of physical efforts and money (carrying petitions in 90 degree and 30 degree temperatures, assembling signs and putting them up, picking them up, running fundraisers, everything you can think of for campaigns and never missed a meeting) All this for our town and the political committee.
With Mom ill and passing, and realizing time was running out for us to do those things we always wanted to do, we decided to take a break for a year and dropped out. I had also served 6 years as secty to one of the town boards (a job that paid about $5 hr and was a lot of work sometimes taking as much as 40 hours to type up one meeting and I had no backup. I never missed a meeting!)
That was 10 months ago. We have not heard from one - NOT ONE - person since then. A councilwoman I thought of as a friend, someone I encouraged to run and help get elected (we used to talk regularly) has not called or returned one phone call. I am personally very hurt and feel "used" and thrown away . Needless to say, we will never go back although that was our intent a year ago.
Anyone who is retired - have any of you (after a few months or years) heard from the company or co-workers you committed to for 20-30 years? We haven't. People move on if you are not around.
Life moves on, and so have we and have put it behind us and tried to accept it isn't personal. But, as you must feel, we are saddened that what we believed in and trusted to be there for us, really wasn't ever permanent in the first place.
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Im sorry my post was cut off. They stole $2,500.00 from us. My husband was in there temporarily, after rehab, and after he left, they ran the check,that was not supposed to be cashed unless he was there another 30 days. I along with another smiling placement person had him out of there after 2 and a half weeks. I have been fighting all of this on my own. And that is bc all friends went away. It stinks. if i was 20 years younger, i could continue fighting. I am still going, but at the end of my rope.
do not wait as long as i did bc at my age its very hard to be social anymore.
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Everyone including our neighbors disappeared. No calls returned, nothing. it all happened 7 months before my husband had to leave due to his ALzheimers and violent, paranoid behaviour. Today I am dealing with medicaid, RCFS, one place stole 2,5000
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Gershun, Feeling hurt....Are we still cyber-friends?
I too lost friends when I married my husband, but I understand.
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Gershun--Amen! My best friend is the TV and internet. And my cats. I wish they could talk.
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Friends? What are they?
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In my case my friends have been fantastic and as understanding as I could have expected anyone to be. Unfortunately though, mom's three granddaughters have been a gigantic disappointment in every way. They're all adults now (29, 23, 18) and they live five minutes from here. They lost their mother seven years ago and obviously it was a massive blow, no one could question that. However my mother was always more than a "typical" grandma to those kids bother before and after my sister died. Their father is a total deadbeat and mom picked up that slack, she poured more time, effort, money and love into my sister and her kids than anyone in their lives did, by a huge margin in fact. To this day I'm still working on the financial fallout from that care.

When she first came home last September they still visited regularly, although they didn't contribute anything more than that. I told them all that they had full visiting privileges as long as they followed a few simple requests, like a little notice, be on time (they're always excessively late for everything) and that the exercised a little understanding and patience with her and the "new normal" of her current reality. And they more or less totally ignored me, showing up at problematic times with no notice, arriving hours after they said they would and worst of all, being awful during their visits. Bombarding her with questions and getting impatient and upset with her replies, trying to ask for money, questioning me as to whether she should be in a hospital, bursting into tears when she mentioned her deceased daughter even in passing, exactly what I explicitly asked them not to do.

Still, I didn't complain and always told them they were totally welcome to visit whenever they liked. Then right after Xmas the visits stopped. When I asked what was up it was excuse after excuse, just obvious BS. I guilted them into visiting in April for her birthday and since then they haven't come back. I informed them she is well aware that they aren't visiting and she doesn't like it but I guess they're unmoved by that. On Mother's Day them oldest one sent me a text at quarter after eleven in the evening asking if it was "too late" to visit and of course I replied that yeah, it was, she's 83 years old. After that I decided to stop reaching out, as IMO it was pointless. I just tell mom they're "working" or whatever, why they refuse to respect her enough to visit is beyond me but frankly I have enough to do already without trying to mollycoddle those kids, the door is still open but after this is all over I seriously doubt I'll maintain much of a relationship with them. My dearest friends are more "family" to me than they are these days, they've been golden to me and it'll never be forgotten either.
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