Anyone else feel that caregiving stress + perimenopause = a perfect storm?

I would say "caregiving stress" + anything else = a perfect storm!

Seriously, I would say "yes" to your question - heck, my mathematics is "caregiving stress" + POST menopause = a perfect storm (just speaking for myself here).

Hello! I feel so much for you. Someone described it to me as "the life sandwich." You are the meat in the middle, surrounded by life factors on side (e.g. menopause, adult kid challenges, etc.) and an aging parent on the remaining side. It's not a tasty sandwich in the end. I have found that I needed to do a lot of self care. Specifically, order out when I'm too tired to cook, do yoga, keep my interests and hobbies with friends and exercise. If you don't, you'll burn out and be bitter and who wants that?! Be kind to yourself and remember that you are doing the best you can. A wise soul on this forum told me, "What are you trying to do? Get the prize for sainthood?" Harsh words but they really resonated with me and made me think about what I could do within my own power to make my life better. Godspeed my friend. Take good care.

I’m so glad I’m not alone!!! I’ve been dealing with this 4 years now. I thought I was losing my mind till I found I was in Peri. My life has always been pretty stressful and I just dealt with it but I got to the point I was not handling things at all. My anxiety was through the roof. My father with dementia and husband just added to the stress and it brings on my seizures as well and migraines, which now feel pretty much uncontrollable. I’m on pills which have helped the anxiety somewhat but I’m thinking i may need hormones as well. I still can’t believe my father is declining the same time I am. How is a female in perimenopause supposed to caregive? Yet I don’t feel he’s ready for a home. So I try to take one day at a time and most days just pray for a comet 😁

It surely isn’t a recipe for peace! Sure, it can turn into a wild storm!

Guess it depends on the individual. Going through menopause was horrible for me. Some people don’t suffer as much.

Perimenopause was hell on earth. Glad it is over, felt like an aggressive angry bear for ten years.

Absolutely! Totally sympathize. I became so immersed in my mom's care that just the other day I was thinking that I really never quite figured out when my last period ended and menopause truly kicked in because I was totally focused on her needs! Perimenopause was just like a blip on the radar that I dealt with along the way. :) Best wishes.

I've always said "blame the thyroid!" when I forget stuff. Add in unemployment/self-employement + 27/7 caregiving to three adults + menopause + anxiety issues + decades of insomnia and …

I'm sorry, what was I talking about?

Thanks again you guys!!!

I feel I've actually got a good grip on all the management stuff - exercise, diet, on a small dose pill, etc... etc...the problem is the stress/grief feels like constant fuel on the fire...I have to work so hard with all those tools just to hold it together. I'm so pooped mentally!

Should add one of the things that happened was a long term relationship ending, plus friends had to move ( too expensive here and I can't see myself sustaining here for years as well ) so there's this feeling of no safety net and no anchor.

Anyhoo excuse the rant - I'm no victim or martyr! I'm trying, but am so tired. I want to live and not just sorta exist.

Thanks a zillion for relating and I will take you guys up on that virtual drink! Even if it is red wine and causes a hot flash HA!

I would agree. My narcissistic mother, to whom I've never felt close, decided to move nearby (and make us responsible for most of her life) probably slap bang in the middle of my menopause, when my youngest child had just left home (I've had a hysterectomy so it's hard to tell exactly where you are!). I had had quite bad anxiety and panic attacks even before she got here, and was put on antidepressants after she arrived! They made me feel like a zombie, so I stopped them and am now taking a drug that helps with depression and nerve pain (my long-term muscle tension problems are much worse now my mum is stressing me out). I'm on a waiting list for counselling too.

Even though this WAS NOT my situation, I would fathom this to be likened to "the perfect storm."

FOR REAL!!! I wanted to die. The weight gain, waking up drenched, and then later, freezing, and insomnia. Besides all that, the evil twin just appears out of nowhere 🎭 Although, I'm happy I don't have to deal with a period as I had a hysterectomy in 2011.
So anyway, I finally got my symptoms under control by losing about 20 pounds, I started using Esrto Life and Progesto Life creams (Smokey Mountain Nutrition), and CBD oil (Hempworx).
I became super slack after the holidays (go figure), neglecting to apply the cream daily, missing doses of CBD oil, not eating right. I started feeling bad so I had to get back on schedule. It took a couple weeks to get to feeling better again.
I still feel like this chapter of my life sucks, but I don't feel like I want to die.

Yes - and shingles on top of it all, which makes one even more irritable!!!!! Was on hormones for a few years and had to get off them in 2009 due to price increase. Everything just started all over again! I rely on God - if I didn't have Him, it would be uglier than it is, LOL!!!! God's blessings to you!

No clue about this "peri", but I was praying for menopause (the person who said 9 day period, mine was ALWAYS at least 7 days, if not more - I tried the Depo shots, but what it did was eliminate 2 months and then result in 3 WEEKS the 3rd month! Nope, done with that!) I'm not a large person, but even double-bagging wasn't enough to protect clothes, etc!! Menopause couldn't come soon enough (I think I was mid-50s before it arrived!)

Thankfully that was all over before mom started down the Yellow Brick Road. I was long divorced, kids were on their own, so not as much stress, but it is still stressful. I'd prefer another menopause to any care-giving. That was maybe a few months of issues, vs time spent helping mom, getting car away, hiring aides only to have her throw them out, getting everything arranged to move her, lost over a YEAR AND A HALF of my existence to clearing/cleaning/repairing her condo so we could sell it! I am the one who manages everything for mom now, just not the hands-on. It still sucks up a lot of time, so this is like a multiple year menopause!!! Meno by itself would likely be "manageable", but you add in care for others, dementia, useless and/or interfering family, etc, etc, etc, it would be like torture! You know what it is, you know it will be gone in a matter of time. Care-giving, esp with dementia, you don't know when the end will be... is that the light at the end of the tunnel or a speeding train????

RedVanAnnie says "I heard on the Today Show that today is National Caregivers Day." Oh joy, another special day when we can work our asses off!! BFD, what does celebrating THAT do for us? Send a card to us? Oooo, that would make my day better!!! Not. Happy Caregiver Day greeting? The only happy day might be if there are no incidents, no repetition, no "accidents" or mess to clean up, etc. Good lord, what's next, Happy Hangnail Day?

I have just come to the end of my 20 year experience of caring for my mother, my father or both.

I know well the sleepless nights only to have to get up the next morning and perform at work. I know the stress of having to back international business trips and come back tired as hell and have to immediately get into the grain of caregiving and pray jet-lag doesn’t set in.

I went through peri and menopause both through this and I will say that forcing myself to work out 3 times a week helped me keep my health and sanity.

Of course I had always read how stress and lack of sleep resulted in weight gain but had no idea the level of impact. In the month + since my sweet, precious daddy’s passing (at 97, in his sleep and in his home like I had always promised and prayed for him), I have rediscovered uninterrupted sleep and incredible reduction in stress. And the weight is slowly coming off.

Hang in there!

I totally get where you are coming from! Several years ago I was in the process of an unwanted divorce (after 24 years of marriage) and my Widowed 83 year old Mom was moving in with me plus the latter stages of menopause.
i went to see my primary physician and said “I can’t stop crying, I feel so overwhelmed.”
He prescribed an antidepressant and while I am not one to take pills at the drop of a hat, they saved my sanity. After a couple of weeks I found myself coping more easily.
this may not be your solution but it worked for me.

Oh that's a big heck yeah from me!! I just turned 50 and this peri crap has been going on FOREVER it feels like! Bring on Menopause please!

Yes! I don’t have a lot of caregiving to do with MIL in our home, but I also have 5, 14, 17 yr old girls to raise(& homeschool). I told my friend yesterday felt like I needed to go to the looney bin after being sick for two weeks and having my period for 9 days. 🥴

I'll commiserate with you! My mother first showed signs of dementia about 7 years ago when she started to forget to pay her bills, falsely accused family members of stealing her money and bought a vacuum cleaner from a door to door salesman for $1600. Despite having 4 other siblings, it became my job to get Power of Attorney, convince her to move into assisted living and declutter and sell her house. At the same time, I was in the midst of perimenopause, felt angry all the time, had trouble sleeping at night, had migraines every other day, preteen daughters were having all sorts of middle school drama and my husband suddenly had a heart attack. My daily mantra became "one day at a time"- don't look back, don't look ahead, just deal and live-ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME.

I will also tell you that now, 7 years later, it IS a bit better. In my case, menopause was a blessing, my husband is well, my kids became more independent, and yes, my mother has declined alot but she is not the volatile person she was when she was aware of losing her memory and had the stresses of trying to hold it together. She's now in the late stages of dementia and in a nursing home, I have a migraine maybe once every couple of months, sleep is becoming my best friend and my daughters are practically adults. My mother is now a shadow of the person she once was and I miss "her" every time I visit her but I cherish the rest of time I will have with her on this earth. She thinks she's a little kid and I'm a nice lady that visits her and talks about family. Where she is now, her needs are met and life is simple. She has forgotten all the rest.

Thanks for letting me commiserate. I'm sorry you are suffering but its nice to know we aren't alone. I hope this forum reminds you of that. Namaste.

Yes, you are not alone! Hot flashes, weight gain, insomnia and what is wrong with my brain!! I can't think straight! I am a live in caregiver for 92 year old mom with dementia. Full time job, 2 college student sons, and husband who helps with caregiving, bless his heart. Running her life and mine!
I just want to take a nap...

If you lived near me, I'd invite you out for a drink. Perimenopause/menopause was a big surprise to me. I expected all the routine things you hear about hot flashes, ditziness, mood swings, etc. but no one told me my skin would become raw and my body would start to fight me. I didn't have a regular doctor and when I finally saw someone, they seemed surprised at my ignorance. None of the older women I knew had these problems or remembered having them. Yes, I definitely think it was made worse by the stress I was going through at work and as a caregiver. I had gained a lot of weight and was not eating right/exercising - there has been a lot of change/misinformation since then about what it means to eat and exercise right! Fortunately, I like water and think it is the most helpful thing for me. Stress seems to be with us always, in one form or another.

Commiseration from us all. I heard on the Today Show that today is National Caregivers Day. Who knew? So there is a National Day of commiseration!

Maybe hormones for awhile to smooth out the hormonal ups and downs would help. Then, you could work with your doctor to plan a slow, steady decrease in hormones that would leave you feeling less stressed physically.

Yes, I can relate. My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer and 3 months/ 6 periods later I was told I was peri. So I don't know about you but it makes me feel like emotional/physical pile off icky! I have changed my diet for the good and try to exercise regularly. I have a problem with doctors just trying to throw pills at everything so I am trying to diet for peri. Still feel not so good but not as bad as I felt a year ago.

Perimenopause is only a moment in time that turns into a worse time called menopause.

CM,
Sounds awfully familiar, your SO's creative almond shopping-another mis-purchase. Did he have asperger's or was he 'on the spectrum' of autism?

You just made me feel additionally blessed...for having gone through that BS before my mother's dementia really kicked in. I cannot imagine. The first thought that comes to me is that I have taken on cooking for the elders who do not turn the A/C on when it is hot. OR they will sneak up to the thermostat when I'm sweltering in the kitchen and turn it to a higher temp so it won't be on. I cannot imagine breaking my you know what to cook and being hot in addition to hot flashes. I wouldn't. I think that would be the breaking point. I usually think the self help articles are a bunch of crap...and not helpful as it's always easy for someone to say do this or that when they're not in our shoes, but yesterday this article popped up on the screen "16 Ways to Practice Self-Care That Cost Next To Nothing" by Kelsey Borresen at www.huffpost.com and it was good enough that I shared it with co-workers and printed it for myself. take care...

Same

Yes! 😀

Holy empathy! Perimenopause + mom + divorce + suicide= crying and a weight gain! Let's hear it for those hot flashes that make me want to pass out right at the same time I turn around and find Mom has wandered off somewhere..I think it's time for my own medication update!!

Well yeah but! - I had more than enough of knowing looks being exchanged behind my back - "poor mother, all hormonal today" - and where is this blame headed, huh? The fact that peri/menopausal issues might make us less able to absorb the bumps does not mean either that the bumps are any less, nor that less hormonally-challenged people e.g. blokes would handle them better. I wasn't in a foul temper because I was menopausal. I was in a foul temper because I'd had four hours' broken sleep and my SO had come back from the supermarket with yet another creative mis-purchase.

Okay, I'll confess: I had written "unpeeled almonds" on the list.

I.e. almonds with their skins on. Yes? Whole ones. Au naturel. Not blanched or chopped or ground or flaked. Shelled, put in a packet, and otherwise left alone.

However. Once through the info-mincer that then-SO called his brain, this item became unpeeled almonds as in almonds that had been... unpeeled. Had their peel taken off.

He could have called to ask, of course. But oh no.

So. When you are eating an item such as a banana or a carrot, do you first peel it? Or unpeel it?

I must surely be long through the menopause by now but I can feel the hysteria rising again

😁😁 I believe