Her daughter placed her in a nursing home because she couldn't stand taking care of her. She also has POA, financially and medically. She has been resentful to my daughters and me and has stipulated to the nursing home that she is the only one that can talk to my sister-in-law via telephone. I have been very close to her and this is very upsetting because I live in Texas and my sister-in-law and her daughter live in Colorado. I have tried over and over to get an attorney, but there is not an abundance of attorneys that deal in elder abuse. I would like someone to get a copy of my niece's POA because I think she's overstepped her bounds. I find the nursing home enforcing this stipulation is also practicing elder abuse.
Do you have suggestions?
Yes, this is the same poster. Her other post is front and center in questions.
Sadly it seems she isn't satisfied with answers that suggest she make peace or understand she has ZERO RIGHTS here and no attorney will take her case (tho some may take her MONEY).
Sometimes we have to just learn the more difficult way.
At any rate, do you know why phone calls are being limited to her daughter? From what you stated, it’s not just you who’s been restricted from calling so perhaps talking on the phone is upsetting or confusing to her. I can certainly see where this would be upsetting for you, but I would also think it would be good to know that your SIL is in a safe environment, especially if you’re concerned that your niece was overwhelmed by her care.
Starting legal action is likely not going to help you regain regular contact with your SIL. I hope there’s a chance of mending fences for everyone’s sake. Best of luck to you.
Coincidentally, my mother’s SIL, who:
- hadn’t seen my mother in person in years
- only spoke with her on the phone
- allowed my mother to direct the conversations about inconsequential topics
- accepted my mother’s assurances that she was fine, all was fine, she was active as ever
is the only family member who disputed my claim that my mother has dementia. My mother is masterful at showtiming.
Then they spent an afternoon together. (with me, quiet, in the background) Now my aunt is a source of emotional support to me, having witnessed what dementia has done to my mother’s brain and temperament.
As I told you then, the daughter is POA and is the Lioness at the Gate.
Your best way through to your sister is through her at this point.
For now, if that doesn't work, nothing will.
If your first post regarding all this had answers that didn't work then it may be an indication that nothing but peace in the family WILL work. As Dr. Laura always says "Not everything can be fixed".
Without PROOF that is solid, there cannot be a charge of elder abuse. Leveling such charges against a loving daughter may mean you never speak to your sister again.
In your last post I do believe you indicated that you were concerned and had quite a lot of input about Sister's care in past. Somehow this may have gone "wrong" in the mind of her daughter, who decided she was doing the best she could and didn't want the interference.
If you had a loving comforting relationship with sister then do continue to write to her, including pictures of joyful times and words of comfort.
You might consider trying to work on the Lioness as well, promising her that you wish only to comfort and hear your sister and that you would be thrilled to get a call even if she monitors the conversation.
I sure wish you good luck.
A POA for a demented elder is well within their rights to place them. They can also stipulate who can and cannot visit and communicate with the elder based on what they feel to be best for the elders state of mind. This is not "elder abuse" but a POA exercising their rights to care for a loved one. Until you've been in this position, it's easy to judge.
Take Cwillies advice. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.