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Any Mother’s Day haters out there besides me? Since my mom died I’ve really grown to hate the day. Or maybe it’s the commercial wind up to the day, all the ads reminding us to call mom, send mom flowers, buy mom a gift, take mom out for lunch, each one feels like a little punch to the gut. On most any ordinary day I miss my mom, but I’m not a tearful mess over her loss anymore. I’ve had plenty of time to deal with her passing. But somehow each May it’s like “here we go again” and I feel the tears welling up often.  I’ve tried a few years to go to church on Mother’s Day and after leaving mid service each time in tears, feeling like I was making a scene, I now know better than to attempt it. Nothing like a minister saying “who here has a mother?” with everyone smiling to make me run. I don’t have my mom to buy anything for, can’t call her or take her to lunch, and the relentless ads just make me miserable over something I’m generally okay about. Truthfully, I don’t think I was a huge Mother’s Day fan even before losing my mom, I guess it always felt like a bit of a forced holiday to me, one of those things we’re told to do. My now adult children know I’m not big into it, they usually buy me small gifts and we go do something to distract away from dwelling on the day. Am I alone in this or any other haters want to unite in spirit with me?

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I've always hated Mother's Day. As did MY mom, who died this past August.

I've always tried to make Mother's Day about the folks in my family who are actively mothering, i.e., the ones who have little kids. Taking the babies off their hands for the day so they can get some rest, have adult time with spouse, etc.

When I feel rotten, I've always found that the solution is to find someone to help. You might consider finding a young, overwhelmed mom to assist on Mother's Day. Alternately, visit a local care facility and find an elderly mom who has no visitors.
(20)
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Yeah, Mother's Day. I'm trying to figure out how little I can get away with doing for my mother. She hasn't been to my house since Christmas 2016 (she told me she didn't want to come over anymore, so I haven't invited her.)

It seems so false to get her a card. She loves to put them on her table, though. Funny thing is the brother who hasn't seen her now in 16 months (once went FIVE years!!!) doesn't even send her cards for Mother's Day or her birthday. My mother says, "He's too busy!" How nice...wonder if *I* could get away with that? Maybe I'll try it this year. Just give her a quick call on Mother's Day, just like he does.

My kids don't do much on Mother's Day, but I do get cards and small gifts.
(7)
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My mother passed away on April 30 7 years ago. My sister who did not raise any children, the executor, arranged for the memorial service 1 week later (which happened to be SIL's birthday) and then the internment 2 weeks later, which happened to be Mother's Day. So my feelings are mixed. I don't like the commercial aspect at all, but my best friend's mom LOVES the day so we celebrate her at 91 this year!
(6)
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I fully flat out HATE mother's Day. I'd rather leave town for the day, or crawl under the covers and hide or spend the day shoving bamboo sticks under my nails....it's gotten to be worse than Christmas, IMHO.

I love my kids, they love me. I DON'T need a day to guilt them into doing something nice.

I know this comes from my mother and her incredible anger all day long every Mother's Day. We always fell short in her eyes.

Yeah, I need to get over this.
(17)
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Yes. Hate it. First, my mom with dementia is still here but not able to enjoy the things she loved like brunch with the larger family, opening gifts, and being doted on. In my 52 years, I've never missed one Mother's Day's day with her because I knew it meant so much... although I hated the forced obligation and I'm actually very good to my mom every day since I got out of my teen years.
I really loathed it after I lost 2 pregnancies and was unable to actually be a mother myself. All you see are these smiling vapid faces around you as you sit there in pain and mourning. No thanks.
(11)
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I enjoy spending the day with my kids, but in some ways Mother's Day has always made me a little sad because I've always felt like mine and my mom's roles have been reversed. I grew up at a young age, and felt like I didn't have a "mom" figure. Instead I've always been the one she has leaned on. I was never able to call her for advice about parenting, marriage, finances, etc. She always turned the conversation to her and her problems and I would end up consoling her. She lives with us at the moment, and I do take care of her the best I can, but it's not the typical mother-daughter relationship. Instead it's like having another child. I will say that my experience helps me to be a better mom in the sense that I want my kids to always know that I'm here for them and have their back, and don't ever want to be a burden. I'm grateful for Mother's Day in that sense that I'm grateful for them, but in the other it's kind of depressing.
(8)
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It just seems to come and go. Getting presents is a hit and miss. I did give something to my Mom. A card usually and a day out with lunch or dinner. My brothers...maybe a card and that's if my SILs remembered. Made my Dad mad. My Mom stayed home to raise four kids. Dad came first, the kids then her. Because of the times, she waited on her "boys" hand and foot. She never "depended" on them like she did me and because of that, I Don't think they had a clue. I can see why people hate the day. Think it is all commercialized. My Church did the same thing. Gave out flowers and had little games. Oldest Mother, youngest. I felt for those who couldn't have children and those who lost children. I can sympathize with all your feelings.
(7)
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Thanks to all who’ve replied, it makes me feel better to know I’m not alone in this. One of the first things I learned after joining agingcare was that I needed to adjust my views on mother relationships. I had a wonderful mom, always enjoyed doing things with her, always had her support. But I learned here that not everyone had that, many had less than great parenting, moms that were selfish, narcissistic, mean, all kinds of situations. I had to refrain from judging other relationships and realize there are all kinds of complexities people deal with. I’m thankful for the knowledge gained. Mother’s Day and the weeks proceeding it feels like a barrage to me, reminding me relentlessly of what I no longer have, the grandmother my kids missed out on, there is so much insensitivity that comes with it that it’s just tiresome. I’m glad each year when it’s over
(9)
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Just another day like any Holiday
(3)
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I only hate Mothers Day, because I feel like I am responsible for making up for all the MIA children. Lots of pressure. I love my Mom and try and give her Mothers Day everyday. but just that one day a year, its like your supposed to do extra special. But, I always try and do extra special everyday, i aint got nothing else on that day.
(6)
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No - but the first Mother's Day after Mom passed on 2004 was very difficult for me.

I think the only holiday I hate is Christmas - but not all of Christmas. We cut out the part we didn't like, the gift giving. I like the rest of the holiday.
(4)
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I used to enjoy it with mom. Taking her to tea, lunch or whatever but now that my father passed her grief has turned into hate for me. I am her caregiver but she's in denial that she needs one. Medication induced dementia is only making it worse. She now treats me like I don't exist and has made plans to be with other people. I'm now the bad parent while my brother that lives 6 hours away gets to be the fun good parent. I don't have children or a husband so I can't distract myself with my own family. Stupid commercials saying to honor your mother kill me. If I engage she rages. Yes, my sister, I am right there with you. I hate mother's day season.
(6)
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My mother is very cruel; I ignore mothers' day.
(4)
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No, Daughter, you are not alone. Although my mother is still living, and I am a mother/grandmother myself, I have come to loathe the day. As you pointed out, the holiday has just become a big day for the merchants and restaurants. I feel the same way about Valentine's Day. Instead of that one day we call Mother's Day, what really matters are all the other "nothing" days. I tell my children not to go out and buy me a gift or take me out to lunch because it's Mother's Day....just be nice to me every day! I tell them not to spend their money on me (they are trying to save for a house), but if they see a little trinket that reminds them of me, give it to me on a nothing Tuesday in October; that would mean so much more to me than any gift on Mother's Day! Come and see me on a nothing day! Call or text me on a nothing day! A holiday loses all meaning when it feels like it is forced upon you, and you are expected to oblige. Sadly, so many of our holidays have become that way.
(4)
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ya i kinda know what you mean well i am going to give my mom a gift anyway later today & i am going to take my dog to to put it around her where she is there is nothing wrong to make the best for it maybe you should spend a lot of time with your kids next year plan something good that will make you happy give that a try .or maybe got to a bed & breakfast home for it & go somewhere you want to go i am sure your mom wants the best for you .so do that you need the attention now you are head mom of your family ..go for it later good luck
(0)
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This holiday is so forced on us all. Advertisers run rough shod over people's feelings just to make a buck. I lost my Mom 2 years ago after a rough decline and I miss her very much. This time of year hurts the worst. A double whammy is that I don't have kids and this just reminds me of that. Then after years of not getting along with MIL I now get along with her since my husband's sister died from misadventure last year, and all MIL wants for Mother's Day is for hubby and I to take her to the cemetery where her daughter and other relatives are buried. This makes me depressed and missing my Mom all the more. I will be so very glad this day is over!!
(2)
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Yes. My mom is a 'real mother' if you get my drift. She is angry that my husband didn't die of cancer a few years ago and her boyfriend did 15 yrs ago. Oh well. She never was that nice anyway.
My MIL is okay but a bit bizarre with her Dementia. I got her a card and we had a supper together a few nights ago. She may recall getting the card or not...I don't know.
Mother's Day is for me a day I can go do something I enjoy like gardening or hiking.
I don't have TV so can't see all of the ads ... thank goodness!
(0)
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I thank god I had such a wonderful mother, and that she was in my life for so many years. I have so many beautiful memories to comfort me. I bring impatients, her favorite flowers that I always gave her every mothers day when she was here, to her grave. It is so sad, but this is the way it is. I am going to my brothers house today, and celebrate mothers day with them. My Mom would like that.
(2)
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Yesterday my H and I brought over a card and cinnamon danish (the tray with six in it) to my mother for Mother's Day. Before she could focus on what I had brought, she first had to complain about something she'd said the other day and I didn't agree with it. ("That doctor did SO quit because I made her!" Ummm, no....she quit to go back into the Navy.)

There on her table were cards from two of my brothers, and one from one set of grandchildren. The brother who can't be bothered to come down and visit didn't send a card because he's "too busy."

Mother's Day today is for ME.
(2)
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UGH!!! Don't get me started!! I can definitely relate. Every 'holiday' is like this now and most of the year is a downer for me. The constant 'buy' 'buy' 'buy' 'spend' 'spend' 'spend' 'smile' 'smile' 'smile' is torture and so fake cuz everyones talking about the other in bad ways behind their back anyway...UGH! When will Mars be ready? I know I am...👽 Glad I could get that out...Thanks! BTW-Happy YOU Day❣
(4)
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I too would resent going to church and the pastor having everyone stand up who was a mother as I was not and could not have children. I enjoyed giving mom gifts when I was a child. But as an adult it does feel more like an obligation and like another said a forced holiday. Like really...do we need an official day to give gifts to our moms (or dad’s for that matter). I think we often become a bit more cynical as we age. My mom has been dead now for 28 years and I miss her a lot. But I too don’t care about Mother’s Day. And now with Facebook the posts go on and on so I don’t even check it today. I love on my cat’s who think I’m the best mom ever and feel lucky I had a mom who loved me.
(7)
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I hate it this year. My Mom died in September. I have no children. I used to enjoy the day with her, but she made no big deal over it, she hated the big commercial hoopla...but I liked the day, as I had a mother. Now with no children and no mother, the day is torturous for me. Ugh.
(4)
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Hate it and always wish I could die the pain is so bad. Never had a Mom but had an aunt who raised me..she died on my 20th birthday..the pain never goes away. Prayers for all who hurt today.
(4)
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MidKid ... I hear you! My 97yo mother has never been an easy woman. My sister basically walked out 5 years ago, moved 17 hours away and never came back, so I’m all she’s got. I’ve been a mother myself for 29 years now and every year I do what I’ve been doing for every mother’s day since I moved out at age 18 ... driving an hour each way to spend the day with my mother. (This is something that I have to do 2-3 times a week anyway because she refused to move closer to me after Dad died, and she refuses to move to a care facility, refuses to hire in care, is still living in a small senior apartment.) As a matter of fact, I don’t call it Mother’s Day, I call it Grandmother’s Day. All these people send me “Happy Mother’s Day” messages on Facebook and the like, and I feel like screaming, “What time is it?! I need to hurry up and shower, eat breakfast, get in the car and drive an hour to wash dishes, empty the commode pot that’s been sitting full for 2-3 days, make the bed, do some laundry!!” I’m glad for those moms who can have a glass of wine, read a book, enjoy their garden, or whatever else makes them happy. For me, it’s just Sunday.
(1)
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I can understand how Mother's Day can be difficult for many of us. Father's Day is the holiday that I hate...for similar reasons mentioned above. For me, Mother's Day will be spent having dinner with my husband's family (my SIL and I are mothers, and the men in the family are making dinner for us). Afterwards, I will visit my mother in the nursing home where they are hosting a Mother's Tea. My deceased brother (who helped me care for her)...his widow will join me. Next year, my mom may not be with us....but it will be unlike any other Sunday afternoon for me...visiting my mom in the nursing home. I have two adult sons (ages 39 and 36). The 36-y/o lives in England, where they celebrate Mother's Day earlier in the Spring. I received a very cute card from my eldest son and his fiance. It's nice to be remembered on Mother's Day, but it is mostly a day of bittersweet reflection for me...grateful that I have two sons who love me, and I love them...and my own mother....who is suffering with dementia and immobility. I will take care of myself today...breathe deeply....and simply enjoy my womanhood and feminine spirituality...
(2)
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This is the first Mother's Day I've not had a mother. She died on Thursday. I have her Mother's Day card sitting on my desk. I remember spending a lot of time selecting it and being pleased with my selection. The sales person commented "That's a pretty card". Today at the end of mass the celebrant asked mothers to stand. Each one received a carnation. That choked me up. I do agree that the holiday is very commercial. I gave my mother much more time than most sons do and I felt that it's the ongoing care and concern that matters rather than a card, flowers or an invitation to lunch. Unfortunately in our highly commercial and money obsessed society Mother's Day has become as much a day for corporate profit as it is an expression of love for the person who gave us life.
(9)
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Mother's Day is different than it used to be for sure. Years ago, all my siblings used get together to make the day special for Mom. Now they do their own things. I do get to spend it with my Mom this year (alone). I try to cherish every holiday I have left with her. I'd say it will be her last, but who knows? So, I can't say I hate it because of her. I would rather not think about it being a special day because I don't see my kids on Mother's Day, and it reminds me that they don't speak to each other. I always say that I have 2 children, but no family. That makes me sad. My husband tries to make Mother's Day special, but he doesn't understand that it is about being a mother, not a wife. Now that I am depressed, I hope everyone has a good day, not matter what you do. Hugs to all.
(2)
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I feel the same way but I try to be happy on mothers day for my kids and grandkids. My mother has been gone 26yrs on May 22nd, and each year in May I start feeling it. Sometimes I don't even realize why I'm so depressed until my sisters remind me. It doesn't get better for me.I think it has gotten worse and it doesn't help that she was my best friend and I talked to or saw her every day of my life.
(2)
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You are not alone. I feel the same way. Not having any children of my own I just want the day to go away. I feel that the television shove this day down our throats. I just want today to be over.
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So sad that your mom has passed and you miss her still, but why not find your own ways to honor her life on Mother's Day instead of resenting and hating. Yes, retailers see it primarily as another "big day" like Father's Day, Easter, and the biggest of all $$$ days-Christmas. But these holidays, these opportunities to celebrate families, as well as friends, are important because they honor our lives together. So no I am not a hater. I think wistfully of a Mom who I love still but who has been gone for a long time. Mother's Day is filled with the amazing memories of her and her life. I wish this for you.
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