Any Mother’s Day haters out there besides me?

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Any Mother’s Day haters out there besides me? Since my mom died I’ve really grown to hate the day. Or maybe it’s the commercial wind up to the day, all the ads reminding us to call mom, send mom flowers, buy mom a gift, take mom out for lunch, each one feels like a little punch to the gut. On most any ordinary day I miss my mom, but I’m not a tearful mess over her loss anymore. I’ve had plenty of time to deal with her passing. But somehow each May it’s like “here we go again” and I feel the tears welling up often. I’ve tried a few years to go to church on Mother’s Day and after leaving mid service each time in tears, feeling like I was making a scene, I now know better than to attempt it. Nothing like a minister saying “who here has a mother?” with everyone smiling to make me run. I don’t have my mom to buy anything for, can’t call her or take her to lunch, and the relentless ads just make me miserable over something I’m generally okay about. Truthfully, I don’t think I was a huge Mother’s Day fan even before losing my mom, I guess it always felt like a bit of a forced holiday to me, one of those things we’re told to do. My now adult children know I’m not big into it, they usually buy me small gifts and we go do something to distract away from dwelling on the day. Am I alone in this or any other haters want to unite in spirit with me?

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Thanks Veronica. Yes, it is possible. Per bar association, an attorney can make his own determination whether a client has legal competence. The fact that New legal docs were filed 9 days after the doctor declared her incapacitated should be all that is needed, especially since the new legal docs were SPOA stating that a letter of incapacitation is all that was needed to envoke. Since that had already happened, that should have been open and shut, but maybe I have used dumb lawyers, but it still causes a mess. Every single time I tell this saga to eldercare people, they roll their eyes as they have heard it many times, and yet these 2 arrogant old men have researched NOTHING. Well, of course for asking my mom’s attorney questions, which just cost her more money
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COartist did your Mom revoke your POA after she was diagnosed with dementia.
can't give chapter and verse but I think that is not possible.
On the bright side Mom is already in memory care so at least she is being cared for.
Try and keep a close eye on Mom's conditions and liase with the staff to ensure no harm comes to Mom.
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I absolutely hate mother’s day. I spent Saturday crying. Mom, in her dementia, revoked me as POA and disqualified her children as gaurdians after she was diagnosed and scored at 14 on the MMSE. In our place, she named 2 men in their eighties as POA and MPOA. I have filed APS reports, i have retained attorneys, and all have said it will be costly because it involves pursuing guardianship, and it end up going to an attorney as guardian, just another added expense. Neither of them understand the roles, and poor decisions that the MPOA made almost killed my mother. Neither of them understand dementia and therefore think that my mother was in her right mind when she revoked the POA and named them. So effectively they believe they are protecting my mom from her children. This is her first mother’s day in memory care. She was not a nice person, but with 2 old, arrogant ignorant men who do not understand their roles and by the simple acceptance of those roles and their assumption that my mom’s decisions were valid makes this the most painful Mother’s Day ever. It’s hard enough going through the process of losing your last parent, but add this circus on it and it is almost unbearable
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I agree with you, Gershun....Celebrate your loved ones everyday....not just on the one day that society has designated.
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She1934, I think you may be misunderstanding some of the comments. In my case, I'm all for people celebrating these occasions if they choose to. All I meant was if it's only on these days that people acknowledge their loved ones it's too bad. I went out for lunch at least once a week with my Mom when she was alive. Christmas, on the other hand, is supposed to be a celebration of Jesus birth. Valentine's Day is yet again great but often it's just Valentine's day when some spouses etc. get acknowledged. Wouldn't it be great if people were appreciated every day and then Valentine's day, Mother's day, Father's day etc. would not be so overblown.
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I commented earlier about this because I think it is so sad that so many folks here also expressed "hating" Mother's Day. Will you all also hate your loved one's birthday, if you do celebrate Christmas will you now hate Christmas or Easter or Thanksgiving. It, to me, seems so much healthier to celebrate those moments, of course, depending on your personal memories. Plan a tribute to mom or dad or whoever on the special days. Sadness is certainly understandable as is missing them. But sadness and memories do not have to be hateful.
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Hi, I have to say I agree. However for what I have kinda considered to be terrible, awful selfish reasons but my family has explained to me that's not true. Anyway so in my family mothers day is also decoration day at most of the cemeteries. So it went church where both of my parents had alot if roles and then rushing home where alot of arguments about food, money, and flowers always ensued oh and don't forget the fact that my mom hated every gift I ever got her and even locked me out of the house for flowers I got her one year. Then we spent the day running from cemetery to cemetery and family to family and then exhausted we would arrive home where No one was talking to anyone. By the time I was a mother I had already developed a healthy dislike for the holiday. However by this time my dad had remarried to someone who never liked me or my family and forbid the name step mom but he insisted on her being the center of attention on this day. My mom had at least 3 nervous break downs and I had committed her twice.  Nothing was ever good enough. There was fight after fight about time, gas, money, flowers, gifts, food. I came away from every weekend tired, heartbroken, mad ,hurt and broke. My boys were 12 and 17 when I got to have a mother's day just for my family and my boys but it took saying NO and leaving our home for the weekend to get away from family. I've now had a few good years of this and after that first year I found my NO. This year is the first year my mom is out of a facility and a part of the weekend and it has been really hard. All those bad times and pressure and hurt came back and I had been dreading it. But I used my NO and the weekend has been about my immediate family. We honored my mom with simple gifts and a nice lunch Friday and it was good. I know what you mean about this weekend and how it is and I thank God for you for saying what so many feel and God bless you for that and for the fact that you have found the grace to do what is best for you!!!
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Holidays - most were/are initially started with good intentions. I've seen the write ups on how Mother's day was started and the woman who did this had those good intentions (Quint41's post speaks of this!) However, like any other "holiday", commercialization took over. Now we have Father's Day, Children's Day, Grandparent's Day and so on, in addition to all those other "holidays!"

When my daughter was about 3 (may have been just before/after my son was born), she went outside in the backyard and came back in with a small handful of what I call "weed flowers" for me. They are those tiny little things that sometimes grow out there. I told her that those meant more to me than anything! It had nothing to do with a "holiday" and I have over time reinforced that idea. After divorce, Christmas could have become "Present Wars", but I did NOT want to join in that war (really couldn't financially, but it is WRONG to do this!) It was especially bad when he remarried, because now they had additional "grandparents" and other family members, so the kids would get multiple "Christmas" days and a slew of useless gifts. I am not religious, and the kids were not raised that way, so I explained what that "holiday" was really about and how it has become nothing but a revenue generator! If you want to celebrate it, find the TRUE meaning in it rather than just buying stuff!

When they were old enough I said many times that these are just another day, and the buying and gift-giving is just corporate manipulation for generating sales. Someone else mentioned it in the comments - what about all those "non-holidays" throughout the year? Yep kids, if you only care about me or whoever on that one day a year, what is that worth? I prefer you just do something nice on ANY old day, not on a day that corporate America dictates that you MUST do something for me or whoever. Despite this, on one birthday my daughter came with a card, flowers and balloons on my birthday. I acknowledged the thought and told her that while I appreciate it, she should not be spending hard-earned money that she needs (she was probably about 18.) Oh, but dad says... Never mind what he says! Tell him that you have it covered!! That is not really lying, just like the little white lies we have to use now with my mother (dementia.) I reiterated that if you want to do something for me, do it on some random day, then I know it is truly heartfelt, that you are thinking of me without being TOLD to!!!

In recent years, my mother was saying similar things - it's just another day (birthday, Mother's Day, whatever) - however she would like being remembered (maybe not so much on a birthday, given her age.) Now she may or may not know what day it is, but lights up with the card and flowers (it would be hard NOT to do this, because in her facility they have reminders, special meals, etc and she would see others getting that special treatment from family members!) As with others here, our relationship was never huggy kissy touchy feely. However I still tried to "do the right thing." I would be the one most often to coordinate a party or gathering of some kind on "special" occasions. It is still that way. Non-local brother did call her "every Sunday", and I did get tired of hearing this (I was the one who most often called or went to provide some kind of help or visit - not expecting any pat on the back or kudos, but to have that rubbed in your face all the time does get old.) When he came up last week to help finish cleaning out the condo (she moved a YEAR AGO January, two brothers, very little help!!!), we visited mom once together on his arrival. She was ALL OVER him, yet when I show up - What are you doing here? Where did you come from? I don't want any undying love or any showering of whatever, but it does get your goat when the prodigal son comes and gets the royal greeting! I went over to work on a jigsaw puzzle with another resident, as she was more focused on him and to give them time to visit. He did say she questioned where I was and why I was "over there", but made no effort to join us or get me back with them. Another morning I suggested he go have breakfast with her while I get prepared for the long haul to the condo clean out effort. After that he did not want to visit when I suggested it because he had no idea how to interface with her (she repeats a lot and has hearing issues, but still... you were, along with other brother, ready to take her in because MC costs so much - ahahahahahahaha!!) I had, once again, coordinated with both brothers to take her out for Mother's Day (not sure if the local one even goes to visit much, unless I bring up some holiday.) Because the one who was visiting was abusive to me, I kicked him out, so he went that night (Friday) and told her he was not coming back. He's been staying at the condo, tossing everything left and refused to go on Mother's Day, despite me telling him through other brother I would not be there. He does not get here often and SHOULD have gone. I went earlier in the day to avoid them and said I was having lunch with MY kids (lie) and would come back for dinner visit, which I did. Stupid brother did not go. Sure, treat me again like you did when we were kids, but if your mommy is SO important to you, then you should go see her NOW while you still can. Can't wait for the alligator tears when she goes....

So, to summarize, I feel that Mother's Day, like any other "holiday", is just another day. I do find the many emails regarding said days to be tedious - I just delete them without reading them (for instance Father's Day - dad has been gone almost 10 years.) I also do not watch TV, nor do I do Facebook or the like, so I do not get the barrage of ads. I do not need to drive everyday, so I even miss most radio ads - just email and internet ads (but long ago was able to just ignore most all the internet ads that show up! Focus on what I am here for and tune those things out!)

Spend time ANYTIME to be with and/or remember the person or whatever that "holiday" entails. If you still feel the need to celebrate those "holidays", go for it. If not, make it about something else. Think about how many of those "remembrance" days have morphed into barbecues and parades! I started to call many of them "Happy Day off with pay."  That was NEVER the intent for any of them. For those with no mother or children, there are others out there who could benefit from you spending time with them (preferably WHENEVER, not on that corporate day, although they might appreciate that as well!) Many elderly no longer have (or never had) children or family to visit, many children have no mom or dad - give your time to them ANY day, not just those special days! Although our mom is still "with" us (almost 95, but more like 5!) and I visit, I spend time with another resident (100) as well on Jigsaw puzzles (we both love them!) and somehow mom has taken interest (not very good at it, but given that she never had any interest in anything like that, it does keep her occupied sometimes!) The other resident and I enjoy each other's company - she has plenty of family who visit and keep in touch often, so she does not NEED me, but I enjoy her and she loves to see me there! I also try to interact with other residents as well. I'm sure for some it becomes lonely and tedious being there all day, with visits from family on occasion! So rather than wallow in hate for what corporate America has done, channel that energy into making someone else's day or life a little better and brighter!
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My mother died 14 years ago right after Mothers' Day, so it has a double-whammy for me as I don't have any children myself. But my solution is to call up a friend who also isn't a mother (for years it was a male friend, who died this past year) and we wish each other Happy Mothers' Day, because why shouldn't we have a nice day too? This year I bought myself a violet (her favorite flower) that I was going to take to Mom at the cemetery, but I kept it instead at my house because some people steal from cemeteries on special occasions. Yes, it's a commercial just like Christmas, Halloween, Independence Day, etc. if you let it become one. Always glad when these days are over.
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I heard this on the radio yesterday, others may have heard it as well ... this history of Mother’s Day (this is from The History Channel website): “The American incarnation of Mother’s Day was created by Anna Jarvis in 1908 and became an official U.S. holiday in 1914. Jarvis would later denounce the holiday’s commercialization and spent the latter part of her life trying to remove it from the calendar.”
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