Any advice about narcissistic family members?


Mom is 99 with my brother 70s and myself 60s. My brother and mom have a special wired relationship of which I have never been part. Dad, before his death, at least kept things in line a bit and brother could not totally control everything. But dad has passed 6 years ago and it has gradually turned to turmoil. Brother and I co own one house from dad and mom owns the other with us as beneficiaries. From the start I was anxious to help with the house but knowing not that much about property wanted to learn. However, the extent of my learning was my brother as, I got me to take out trash once a week, paint the stairs and call me for other work to be done. I wanted to actually sit like two adults and really discuss each of our responsibilities. He refused. He has taken care of the rentals collecting the rents all the main things and when there is a problem he runs over moms house to tell her how much he does. I have suggested reducing rent of a tenant in exchange for a custodial relationship this way no one would be bothered. He would not consider it. He won't paint - I could if I wanted to- he does not reply to tenants quickly if they have a problem. I would like to at least try to call servicemen when there is a problem but they have to be his service people at the time he says. My mom's house is totally under his control but expects me to repair things when he says to. He decides everything. Can't get a cleaning woman for mom cuz she doesn't need one - but she does - he expects me to clean. Won't go in for furniture for mom etc. my mom will not say yes to me unless he encourages it. Recently we met as requested over moms. I could not figure why my 99 year old mom had to be there. But because I anticipated trouble I asked my husband to accompany. My first solution was anytime there was a problem he should text my husband then we would work out. My husband is complete opposite of me and will not get baited into defending himself or anyone for that matter. We met. My brothers first request was what funeral home my mother wanted to use which was really weird. That was the last thing I thought of. So my mother repeated the one my brother wanted for her because it is in the city where he has lived forever and he knows everyone. Thinking about it now I would have said that it would be a hour visit before the mass on the same day of funeral because my mother herself only talks to my brothers friends. Second decision - when my mother passes he wanted her to tell me that she wanted us to sell the house that was her wish. That is his wish so he repeated this is not lawful but just wanted you to know that it her wish. So I turned and asked my mother if my husband and and I bought house can that be part of her wish. She did not know what to say so said no. However my husband pushed and said that it would either be that brother and I would sell or I would buy. He did not respond. I said that it really was not the time to talk about the house because my mother is still here and usually people don't talk about it until it becomes theirs. According to my husband our agreement was that I should not talk and he should. He feels that they always try to bait me into an argument. But when my brother starts calling me a piece of sh*t and lying about things that were said and done I get baited to defend myself. Like he had admitted he spoke to my best friends daughter about me but says that I made up this lie. However when I said that she told me what was said he immediately said she was lying without me saying exactly what she had said. Involved with them I never know what is happening. Everything turns around on me somehow or another. Then my husband gets mad that I answered. After being called loser. Piece of sh*t. Nothing. And get her out of here We left - I cordially said bye to my mom and did not want to leave in a huff. I was so upset I went past my exit. And ended up in traffic and was lost in thought so when the truck in front of me stopped I did not. Thankfully it was not another person or car, but I cannot go on like this. My car will get fixed etc but I want an end to this. He has called me these names constantly and I feel so downtrodden even though I know they are not true. As he said that I need a shrink yet I think he does but he does not believe in that. Does anyone have similar circumstances or any answers to my dilemma?

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Mar, I also have a narcissis family. My mom is and always has been abusive and controlling. There are 5 of us siblings. Oldest brother is mentally ill, border line personally. 2nd brother is a big time drug addict. Younger brother has always been abusive to women. Then I have a sister who is PSTD and has other mental issues. I left home very young to get away from all of them. Never was really close to my mom till I was 30. I should of never moved back to this state that they all live in. They are nasty and mean, mom supports 2 of my brother's that live with her, they steal her ATM and credit cards and rack up thousands of dollor. State was called to investigate but my mom clams up and won't talk . Me ,and sister are her POA and were joint ower on her checking / saving account . That was till my mom started her narciccis campaign against me. They fell right into her control. She does not want me knowing what is going on with the drug abuse in her house. My sister is just like her but even more dangerous. Sis tried to detroy my life telling crazy lies. Then she moved 80 thousand dollors from our joint account in her and moms new account. She cannot stand my mother but she''s playing right into her hands. I've only talked to my mom 1 time in 2 months. She called 1 time to try and suck me back in to her control. I did not jump at her request and she got mad as hell.