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All the healthcare professionals tell me "get more homecare" like I'm some moron who doesn't know that I need more homecare. Getting it isn't the problem. The problem is keeping it and mom deciding that they're "mean and say hateful things and are always on their cellphones"' And since it's her home and her money,she is not going to pay for all these "bad" people. "Get one person so there is continuity" the do holders tell me. Well, familiarity seems to breed contempt after about a month. She loves them until they all become mean or they yell. I'm at my effing it's end. All I'm asking for is 21 effing hours a week Monday through Friday so I can work part time. Every time I think ah, maybe we've found Someone, I come home to mom in tears and the tales of woe. Isn't homecare supposed to help keep them out of the nursing home? Well she seems to be building her own case to get to get in one which of course she doesn't think she needs. She does. She can't dress herself or get up on her own or even wipe herself plus she's got dementia in addition to Parkinsons. I'm over this and need to vent. I've vented about this before.

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steviegirl, there is one writer on these forums who's sister died while caring for her own Mother, and if I remember correctly their Mom had to go live in a continuing care facility. Another writer on the forum recently had a heart attack, and her Mom is being cared for elsewhere. One out of every 3 Caregivers pass on leaving behind the love one they were helping.

I had cancer 5 years ago which really terrified me, I never told my parents as I didn't think they could handle it at their age, but they were on me to drive them here or there. I plowed through my illness and drove them, which was stupid of me to do. Today, even though I am cancer free, I get panic attacks when I drive, so recently I had to cut all the driving to just around the corner errands. My parents weren't happy with that "who is going to drive us?" I hate the idea of having to put those longer hauls onto my sig other, he would need to take time off from work.
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Funny you should mention the "what would happen to you". It did. Had major abdominal surgery 6 mos ago. Game plan was respite care in a facility for 8 weeks for Mom while I recouped at home. HA! Mom was crying on the phone to come back because this is her home and her money. She drove me nuts so we brought her home where she had round the clock live ins which was not to her liking. Guess she got a Uti @ facility which really helped her dementia. It was a circling nightmare. Mom carried and couldn't figure out if the live ins were for her or me. That was a fun 6 weeks - not. Although oddly enough after driving the live ins nuts with all her delusions about me, today mom has fond memories of the live ins she couldn't stand while they were here. Who knows? She might ask tomorrow where the home care that got booted on Friday is. LOL!
Well, tomorrow mom goes to a neurologist that her neurologist recommended for a ca test evaluation that determines competency and depending on how that outcome will set the gears in motion on if that evoked my P O A.
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My mom would probably still be at home in her house had she been able to deal with homecare. They either made her nervous, or she thought they would break the washibg machine or some other nonsense. She's quite content in her nursing home.
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steviegirl, of course your Mom isn't going to like anyone who comes in to help, because she has you. Think about it, what if something happens to you, what would your Mother do? She would quickly accept anyone who was hired to help, cellphone and all.
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We have had agreat gal for over a year now.. to be dads companion and keep mom company. Mom likes to think she can do it all, and she does alot, but if she falls or dad does she would be unable to get help, and dad can;t do much of anything usefull at this point in an emergency. Mom gets annoyed because she "hates to pay her to sit around and visit" Well thats on you MOM!! Mom won;t let her do much of anything! Mom does the laundry, cleaning, cooking.. you name it, wont let our gal do any of it,, and Gal wants to! She's a great cook, brings food for them all the time. wants to bake and do laundry.. but those things make mom feel usefull here. We just keep telling her it's for OUR peace of mind. She only comes for 5 hours on the days I work..But you would think its the end of the world every time the bill comes..LOL. I was hoping she would be a break for me with Dr apts, hairdresser, etc... but that .47 a mile is a deal breaker for Mom...LOL. After I did mention how nice it would be if I got a break, they have let her take them to the non important apointments...
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I've complained to the agencies about the cellphones. But these caregivers like everyone it seems are too addicted to them. The last one we had as of yesterday may have used her phone but she was great with the laundry and light housekeeping, even doing above and beyond. Plus she tried to engage mom in things mom liked. Mom is just angry that she is no longer in control and I am taking control. Mom "tried" to take control and hire her own private care through the Polish agency. But mom "figured" out that their letters of references were false . I don't think she could make heads or tails out of what she was reading and she certainly did call the pros who wrote them but she "knows"' LOL!
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The Chicago1954. We are neighbors. I'm in the western suburbs. My poor mom is only 78 yrs old yet she is nursing home material with the physical and mental. This inability to deal with homecare has accecelated in the last year. She is ok for an evening of homecare once in awhile or a day here and there but she has become impossible with accusations and just plain loony tunes about anyone who is with her overnight or on a regular daily basis. It is sad but all I can do not to want to scream. She is a super good mood today and I think it's because she's being briefly victorious because as of now we are homecare less. Ugh!
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"It's not important that you like her, mom. It's important that she's here protecting and helping you. That's not going to change. You've simply GOT to help me in this. I can't do it alone."

Stick it out through the next one and see what happens. Note: If I were you, I would tell these care givers that they CANNOT use their cell phones in your home. Period. Don't like the rule? Don't take the job. I'd fire them myself. They're supposed to keep an eye on mom, entertain her, do some light housework. On their cellphones? Cold day in hell at my house. That's one complaint I'd be sympathetic with.
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Unfortunately, the only way you can force her to go is with Guardianship. Start that process now, because it takes several months to get it done. Consider asking her MD about an anti-depressant, it may buy you some time.
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At the risk of sounding like a do-gooder, it is time for Mom to go to a care center. As you know Parkinson's and dementia are progressive diseases and will only get worse.

I don't think that placing her will happen overnight and it won't happen without a lot of effort on your part. I'm not claiming this is an easy solution, but I think it is one you should consider seriously, and start the wheels moving for it to happen.

Hugs to you. This is hard!
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I know it is frustrating. My mother did accept some help, after my sister's early demise, from caring for her. But, it was truly time for her to be in a NH. One of the healthcare workers thought Mother was having a heart attack and convinced her to go to the hospital. From there, placing her was easy - as she could no longer live alone. She has been in the NH almost 2 years and could not be better. She is 95 and not the easiest to get along with. I think it is time to get your mom 24/7 care, in a facility.
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Supposed to be do good ers . I effing hate auto correct.
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