July 4th.. Another holiday to deal with!

Hey Hope, I have a brother like your SIL. He makes 6 figures a year, is treated like the Golden Boy, does nothing for my mother, hasn't visited us in 3 years and when we go see him all he talks about is his job, his dogs, or his pool. He has no interest in anyone but himself. How can he see himself as a success? Must have a whole different set of self made rules...? My mother often says she doesn't feel like she has a son, and I don't feel like I have a brother.

totally understand judda...but the kicker for me is that Mama prefers his company over mine....he has been selfish his entire life, she has spent most of her and Dad's finances over taking care of him and his sorry greedy family...he has never had to do one stinking thing that required work...the rare times he has done anything she paid him three times what it would have cost a professional to do it...including him bringing her a loaf of bread and some milk and her handing him fifty dollars for it...and I'm not joking...it is really coming home to roost for me...I am so tired that I am no longer able to ignore what has transpired over the past twenty plus years ...and now I am resenting the hell out of Mama and him....I fear I am going to h*ll for the way I feel tonight...what is wrong with me...trying to do the right thing but the funny thing is, in doing so, have totally lost my soul....my brother can do no wrong...which I guess is easy enough since he does NOTHING anyway..but I can't do enough and what I do is always wrong. I am spending what is left of my life feeding someone who can't feed themselves, talking and entertaining someone who can't or won't talk back and cleaning up one pile of crap after another...she can't move herself at all so I have to do all the lifting and rolling and moving and my back is going. I limp when I walk and I have black circles around my eyes...everyone sees it, but not one gives a crap. the only thing I already know is, my brother has already informed me they are not going to take care of her...he is her golden boy and he has said he isn't doing it...my Daddy saw it all for what it was...he knew...he talked to me about it...when I lost him I lost the last person on this earth who loved me...if he could talk to me now I think he would tell me he loves me, he is proud of me, and it is time for me to put her in a NH and not look back.... I am totally broken tonight...I screamed at Mama tonight...yes I am ashamed....and I fear hell yawns wide before me....but I am broken and can't see any fixing it....it's too late.

An awful lot of us will be hanging out in h*ll together if all it took was a lot of screaming and losing our tempers when tired and frustrated. In fact, there's probably not enough room for all of us down there. Most caregivers will be on the UP escalator

Hope22, I love what Vegas just said! I do believe that your soul remains untouched and that your God is watching you and feels your angst. Now that you have reached the top of your anger and resentment, and the time to act by putting your mother in a NH, I think the next step is reclaiming your life. I believe God will help you come back to your natural joy within after that action is taken. At least you can learn how to deal with your mother from that distance from this site. You will have to let go and detach from the brother and mother, just as all of us have to do eventually. Might as well start now. And as in nature, something new sprouts up in the place where things have passed on: whether it is an attitude or a physical form.
And the heaven we seek, I believe, is in releasing these old painful thoughts we are experiencing now.

We don't have to believe ourselves to BE our emotions. You are HOPE, afterall! ;)

PS: dark circles under the eyes signal it's time to take care of your liver.