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You all have said it all...frustrating and exhaustion beyond words...siblings let you do it all..rarely come to town and when they do mom lauds/praises them...not you..once mom said “well, what else do you have to do?” (oh, I dunno, maybe enjoy retirement?)
As a paranoid alcoholic, she thinks you and staff steel her clothes, her jewelry. She thinks she’s independent but has vascular dementia, and allows you to do it all ...You take them shopping, to the dr, you get called 3am by LTC facility..You need to come to hospital...Moms fallen..doesn’t remember falling (drunk)., but injures hand so severely it takes weeks/months for debriding, dressing chgs you have to take her to dr every few days..she’s in hospital again, had UTI Infections and another time needs a pacemaker-you have to do it ALL... this, after 1yr of caretaking of Dad after head/neck cancer... he dies in hospice and now you get to start up taking care of mom for eight more years!
We could all go on with never ending stories...Sibs don’t help, they just tell you how you need to/should handle it...
Finally after 8 yrs with no end in sight, and out of desperation and feeling like I was drowning, my husband and I decided to move to Florida, a 2-3 Day Drive from where mom lived in asst living...felt guilty (still do) about “abandoning” her...thought sibs would step up those last 2yrs..NOT...
Mom died alone, nearly 94 yrs old, without any of the 3 of us there with her at the end....so very sad...I cry thinking about it .
So many emotions...you end up feeling empty inside... don’t know how to get past it ... and sibling relationship is irreparably damaged ...we talk but not like we use to...
Sound familiar???

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Yeah, it does. My sister and I share caregiving for my 91 yr. old mother. Both my sister and I are both sick ourselves, my sister has cancer and I am at risk for CVA and sudden death. I worry all the time about my mother and what will happen if we find we are unable to care for her, which could happen at any time. It would break her heart and mine too. I totally understand what you must be going through. Sending best wishes and prayers.
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My heart hurts reading your post. The old saying, “No good deed goes unpunished” certainly fits here. I am an only child and so was my mother, so I never had to deal with sibs or any family when caregiving for my mother. But, my husband is a different story. He and his 4 sibs owned a family business. Because he dedicated himself to making the business a success, he neglected his own health until it all caught up with him, starting with a stroke in 2003, heart issues and finally becoming completely bedridden two years ago. Never once have any of his sibs offered help or even to take me out to lunch. I have not heard from them for years. To say I feel like not one of them cares about him or me is an understatement. I don’t need any of them to hold my hand, but a call or email to say, “Hey, how ya doin’?” would have been appreciated. Maybe they feel the same way about me. Who knows.

You have my sympathy and understanding. Sending hugs and hoping somewhere along the way you find some peace.
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Nothing to be guilty about, she had a very long life. You did not abandon her, she was taken care of. Your siblings just didn't like it because you decided not to be trapped in a prison with invisible bars. If they were so concerned they would have stepped up to the plate. Let it go, move on with your life, you earned this, enjoy it!
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