Ok, me again.... while I know this is “small potatoes” to many, I just need to ask if this would drive anyone else crazy.... I know I “hover” around Level “9” out of “10” with my elderly live in FIL, however now, in addition to his complete disregard for taking showers (which seems to be a common theme with elders), now he has added picking his teeth after dinner in the living room, and expelling gas at random.... I know, I know, he may not be able to help it, but REALLY... additionally, I have a 7 month old granddaughter who is crawling and putting everything in sight in her mouth. It is a constant battle to keep her away from his fingers because God only knows what’s on them... the man will only change clothes every 3+ weeks. I feel like both a prison guard AND prisoner in my own house.... thanks for letting me vent! Anyone else find this annoying???

Hygiene is not a "small" issue, and is discussed often by caregivers here.

Even if it is a small issue to you, or to some, it is exactly those issues that can send us over the edge at times, driving us crazy. When we feel helpless to make a change. When we build resentment over caregiving someone we would rather not. When the elder is uncooperative.

How you can deal with it is one thing. How you FEEL about it is another.
You used the words: "I feel like both a prison guard AND prisoner in my own house.... thanks for letting me vent! ". You are not alone! It is annoying. More than that.

I have said those words myself. "I feel like a prisoner in my own home".
More so when nearing burnout and needing a break, a "prison break"
you could say. So, take a half day, or a full day with your daughter and grand- daughter in another location. It may save your sanity. imo.

It is more than an annoyance. Having someone living in your home is a complete lifestyle change.

When small things start to bother you it’s time for a break. I want you to seriously think about something though while you are taking a break.

Will you be going back to the same old crap that is driving you crazy? If the answer is ‘yes’ it is most likely a time to consider other arrangements for your FIL. That’s a big clue that it simply isn’t working.

I had a friend that separated from her husband. Her husband checked out of the marriage. She asked him to do counseling. His answer was that she could do it alone.

So she took a break. She got an apartment and hoped her husband would come to his senses. She didn’t want a divorce.

She was about ready to file for divorce because it took him 18 months to contact her and say that he missed her. He proceeded to tell her that he wanted her to come back home. She quickly asked him, “Come back home to what?” I am not going back to what we had. If you go to counseling with me I will consider a future with you.”

He did it. He went to counseling. She did eventually go back but on her terms. She still says those latter years were the best years of her marriage until he died a couple of years ago.

So if everything remains the same as it as it is now and you are not able to go back home to a house with your FIL driving you crazy, something has to change. You won’t regret it.

You will regret accepting a lifestyle that you despise.

It's just weird how people with dementia don't want fresh air, clean clothes, a shower, deodorant, etc. I've always felt better when I was clean. I just had a knee replacement and couldn't wait until I could shower and get into clean clothes. My mother wants to wear the same clothes for days and will fight like a tiger to get out of showering.

Can you send Fil to adult daycare?
Provide him with hand sanitizer before touching the child?
While you are hovering, bring him a hot washcloth, hand it to him.
He should know to at least wipe his hands with it before dinner, if not, his brain is damaged so that is why his hygiene has declined.

Why is FIL living with you? I hope he's paying you!

Does H have other siblings that can take THEIR turn if the mindset is "Daddy will never be put in a facility!"?

OMG I am a "hoverer" too! With my mother. And the gas thing.. both FIL and MIL let loose any time, any where, and don't seem to notice it! If I "tooted" like Mom does she would have called me out. Both are hard of hearing, that may be part of the problem? Yes it is annoying.. At least my mom still takes a shower every day. Can you tell FIL that GD;s Dr said she needs to be in a "clean" enviorment and he needs to change his clothes/shower more often.. maybe he loves the GD enough to do this?

Stop taking care of him, tell your husband that he will have to figure out what to do with him. Your husband won't do anything as long as you keep doing everything for your FIL, why would he? Time for FIL to be placed in AL.

What is your husband's position with this situation? Is it possible to have your father placed in a facility? At the very least to begin with if he is living with you there should be standards such as bathing and wearing clean clothes.

Does the 7 month old LIVE with you? Because I think you know if that is the case that this isn't going to be able to go on. I am so sorry.

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