My father who raised all of us to be anything but discriminating, is now the most angry man I have ever seen. He has an arsenal enough to start a war! He cannot be reasoned with. He watches Fox News all day! He also has become racist. He's never been that way. I moved across the USA to help my mother and father keep their home. They have ongoing medical conditions. My family endures this abuse, my wife is other than white and it angers my father so much. I need some advice.
Regardless, I think you're wise to be concerned about the situation as well as for your wife.
Do you or does your mother have any insight into how this attitude developed, and over what period of time (i.e., since 9-11)? Sometimes tragedies can radicalize people.
I think I would make my first priority saving enough funds for yourself and your wife to get out of this unsafe environment, especially since if I read your post correctly you've already helped your parents stabilize their financial situation.
Also, if I understand correctly, your parents have high medical costs and can't afford their home. Are these medical costs that aren't covered by insurance? Can they qualify for Medicaid? Without prying, why are the medical costs so high? If they're old enough for Medicare and have a supplemental plan, that would cover the multitude of medical costs except for drugs. What are their medical issues?
It seems as though they should also be considering moving to a more reasonably priced home or apartment, but I suspect that your dad would resist that. If so, apparently you're going to have to prop them up financially, which suggests to me that you'll be stuck living with them.
I think your parents should consider a cheaper home, then you can reserve your own money for finding a place to live in which your wife isn't insulted.
Then, finally, have him checked for a UTI, urinary tract infection. Behavior change, and seniors often do not have the usual symptoms of fever, burning on urination, dark/cloudy urine, frequency, urgency, or even inability to urinate.
Please have him checked out medically. While at the ER, they can do a mental status assessment.
Is your father an ex-military man? Maybe he has ptsd. Ever heard of that?
How can we help you and your wife?
Have you noticed anything else about your dad's mental state? The reason I ask is that if he never was like that before, then I would question that change in his mental status. I might rule out infections, medications, depression, etc. If it's dementia that is causing it, it's not likely to improve. The brain isn't working right and he may likely forget that you have spoken to him about it. Delusions are common with dementia. Does he have a delusion about another race of people?
I would try to determine what is causing it and if he does NOT have dementia, then I would either just get a tough skin or move out, explaining to him that you will not allow that kind of insult against your wife. I would make sure I could make if financially before I did it.
First, I might try this:
You might also first lay out a financial plan for how the finances work, one on how your parent's would work with and without you living there and then review them with your parents and wife. You might highlight how working together financially has many benefits, but the money isn't worth it to you if your wife is insulted all the time. Perhaps playing to his sense of fair play and financial benefit will appeal to him. At least you will know where he stands and if he's comprehending the reality of the situation.