Dealing with being an Amputee Caregiver.

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I am a 24 year old and mom to a 15 month old girl. I have an older sister (30) who lives in Boston and a younger sister (21) who lives here in CT. My mother is a diabetic and in November she had to undergo surgery for an infection in her left foot. Surgery went well and then she was sent to a nursing facility. Two weeks later she wound up in ICU with kidney failure, lungs filled with fluid, bone infection, and she was intubated the entire time. My fiance and I had just moved to Chicago in October and in December he flew here to CT to help me with our daughter since I was spending a lot of time at ICU. My sisters and I had to make the decision of amputating my moms left foot. My mother was aware of this because she was conscious at the time.

She was released into a different nursing facility 2 months later and was discharged to my grandfathers house in March. This was because his home was wheelchair accessible and my moms is not. She was pretty miserable there because my grandfather has lived alone for 20 years, he has no cable and no internet. My mom was very adamant about going home.

My fiance and I had been staying at my mothers apartment and now that she is home its becoming overwhelming. We are both trying to find jobs, daycare for our daughter and take care of my mom. She is doing great but she isn't very motivated when it comes to her prosthetic. There have been several instances where she talks down to me when she doesn't get her way.

She rewards my younger sister with money, which I find to be interesting because my younger sister is rarely ever here. I have never once asked my mom for money but she always makes comments about us finding a job and spending her money. My fiance is receiving unemployment because he was laid off right before our move to Chicago.

I was there for my mother every single day especially when she was in ICU, while my younger sister was making excuses as to why she wasn't going. My older sister has a family and career in Boston and she comes as much as she can.

I guess the point of me writing this is to say that I'm ready to go back to Chicago. I wouldn't just leave my mom so we are trying to look into a home health aide for her. I don't want to end up resenting her. And I'm trying to think of my daughters future. Right now I'm just so overwhelmed, especially when my mom requests that I do things for her that I know she is capable of doing.

One of our recent arguments was because she was being so rude to me. I know she is my mom, but a please and thank you here or there would be nice. After all I'm the only one cleaning out her commode every day.

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MomtoNia: Your mom is so young. I'm sorry this had to happen to her. I am, however, happy that she plans to go back to work. That's a great goal and no doubt she needs to support herself. Give her time and some patience. She's going through a difficult time. Bless you.
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Hi cattails,

Thank you for your response! I forgot to mention that my mom was 58 and she is planning to return back to work sometime this year. I'll look into your suggestions, hopefully we come up with something. I hope that there is no "next time in the ICU" for her.
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MomtoNia: I'm glad you are going back to Chicago. You might want to call your local "Area on Aging" office to see what services your mom would qualify for. You can also call your County department of Social Services for guidance. Meals on wheels might also be helpful for your mom. It's good that you are finding some in home support for her.

In the meantime, try to avoid arguments with your mom. It's a stressful situation for all of you. She is not use to having so many people in her apartment and I'm sorry that she can't be gracious to you for all you have done.

Next time she is in ICU, have your sisters update you by phone and be as supportive as you can, but don't uproot your family to be by her side. You are a good daughter. Visit your mom when you can and be kind. It's easier from a distance.

You need to establish your working life and take care of your daughter now. Take care of yourself too. Hugs, Cattails.
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