I've been apart of this community for some time. And I've read many posts that has been comforting or helpful in some way. And yet I wonder does anyone else out there who is a caregiver get frustrated or just fed up with the clinical/textbook responses on how to deal with a sick/disabled loved one? Today my mom went into a full blown rage. And she started to accuse me of tampering with her catheters and hiding some of her personal things. All the while screaming and crying and claiming that I was physically harming her. So I begin a Google search on how to cope with an emotionally unstable parent. And the responses were for the most part the most unhelpful, ignorant, just plain stupid answers that cannot help anyone. This is real life. Day in and day out. And I almost lost it when one of the responses read "have a conversation with your elderly parent. And establish boundaries". Now how in the world can anyone have a conversation with someone who is seeing and hearing things that are not even real or there? I would have better luck talking to Clifford the big red dog. Don't these doctors and all these people who make more money than I'll ever see know or understand that being a caregiver is the most challenging job anyone can have? We were the essential workers before COVID. Before the world shifted. And we are still overlooked, overwhelmed, overworked and under appreciated. We have no benefits or retirement plans. We suffer from poor health ourselves. We are prone to high levels of stress, depression, anxiety and everything else that falls in between. And the best you can do is to suggest or advise me to have a conversation with my elderly parent who by the way is erratic and confused. We are nothing, but we carry everything.
As to full time caregiving, I have utterly no idea how anyone undertakes to do this. I have often said that I have always known my shortcomings and my limitations to preclude ever attempting this kind of caregiving. I think if you have been here some time you have seen that one of the most common threads involves people who are losing it in response to their elders who have already lost it. It is so dreadful to lose those we love, and have their bodies going on while their minds so little resemble who they once were.
You have indicated in your post that your Mom's outbursts are not all that unusual so I will spare you our usual "check the urine for UTI" speel; but especially with the catheter, which keeps things so open to infection, it can become a bit chronic in these cases.
I wonder if you have begun to think of the time that may (or may not) be coming that you cannot do this 24/7 care?
I am so very sorry for all you are going through. I wish you the best. I always say that, and when I think on your situation I know that the best just "ain't gonna happen". I am honestly so sorry.