Who has had their butt kicked and put into check by The Chair?
One night a few weeks ago while mom was in the hospital and I was at home getting ready for some much needed sleep, I’d say it was about 1:30 am and all of a sudden I heard a “ clack clack, clack clack, clack clack” noise coming from the garage, then I heard the garage door going up so I grabbed my bat and went to see what was going on. On my way to the garage, I noticed Her Chair was gone just as I opened the door that goes into the garage. I flicked on the light, we both let out a surprised “AAHHH!” and ‘clackclackclackclackclack’ with its foot rest going up and down up and down as fast as it could,Her Chair took off hoping toward the curb crying “ No! No I won’t go back no you can’t make me!” I caught up to it half way down the driveway “oh no you don’t “ I said grabbing Her Chairs arm , “let go of me no, no” it shouted beating my shins with its rapid firing foot rest, “it’s bulk trash day today ! And I’m gonna be on that curb!” Her Chair exclaimed. I stepped back, looked right at Her Chair and said, “ you’re taking yourself out to the curb for bulk trash, why?” “Have a seat, but not on me, and I’ll explain,” Her Chair said. Clack clack clack clack clack clack, we went into the garage, I pulled up a nice metal fold out chair, and Her Chair started to explain , “ we call it La-z-boy liberation day, you call it bulk trash pick up. But to us, it’s freedom! You caregivers put up with a lot, no doubt, but have you ever considered who has it worse than you. We do! Their Chairs! I mean we get peed on, crapped on, smothered with plastic incontinence pads, food dropped and drinks spilled on us, drooled on, farted on and some of Them, like your mom, don’t give us the courtesy of a cotton elastic waist barrier- you know, those pup tent panty briefs, and if you think summers are hot and sweaty, you should try a summer from where I am. And most of Them don’t shower daily, sometimes not for weeks, and They pretty much live sitting on us. Oh, and usually They have a lap dog that doesn’t bathe regularly either. You got it rough, no doubt, but so do we. I’ve waited a long time for Her hospital stay and liberation day to sync up, plus, you and I know I’ve put in some serious time with Her and now, I’m going to the curb, finally I made it to the curb. So get outta my way or I’ll kick the hell outta your shins again!” I then moved over, said good bye and Her Chair softly clack clacked down to the curb singing Amazing Grace.
Later that day I went to La-z-boy to get a replacement Her Chair before mom got discharged. While the sales lady was telling me about the features of the chair I selected, the chair was faintly making a bzzzzzz sound. “That’s odd,” she said, “this model doesn’t have the massage option with it,” “No, it’s trembling, lady” I thought to myself.
My fellow caregivers, when your having a challenging day, remember, at least we’re not The Chair! Have a great day e1!