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I think that Florida won't have any problems with "judgement" since her post to us is quite judgemental.
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Welcome, Florida!

I think the problem here is the unconditional "should".

Should an adult child give up their livelihood, or their marriage, or raising their minor children in order to provide hand's on care for their parents?

What about mentally ill, abusive or abandoning parents?

If the parents has funds to replace the child's wage-earning ability, where is the problem with paying them for care?

We posters are from all over the world, with differing economic means and personal situations.

I could never have cared for my mom myself. I could not afford to give up paid work; I live in a tiny apartment; my mom and I were like oil and water most of the time. Fortunately, mom had the funds to private pay for various levels of care, including nursing home care for 4 1/2 years after a stroke.

I also did not have the medical training to detect when mom was suffering from UTIs, CHF symptoms or depression. She got far better care in the NH than she would have had at my incompetent hands.
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I helped with both of my parents, gladly and out of love. For my mother, her care needs were overwhelmingly complex and I’d defy anyone to be able to do it all in a home setting. She lived in a nursing home but that didn’t mean our family wasn’t involved in caregiving. Our visits and advocacy for her certainly made a positive difference in her care. With my dad I helped him in his home to the end. I took him to endless doctor appointments, grocery runs, medicine pickups, etc. helped around his house, whatever I could. This had to fit my schedule, not his, as I was also raising four teens and working part time. I wasn’t paid to help him. Caregiving has to work for the caregiver, family or not. A family caregiver giving up needed income, all friends and social life, and deciding there’s honor in becoming some kind of martyr to the cause isn’t healthy for anyone involved. There are endless variables in what our elders may need and ways to accomplish them. What works for someone isn’t always wrong, just different
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We are to HONOR our parents if you are a believer. Not to take care of them as tho they are our children. They are not. Whether by accident or on purpose people choose or choose not to have children. They are OBLIGATED to those children until they reach the age of majority. Then that obligation stops. They are not obligated to pay it backwards or they would NEVER get out from under obligation.
Your obligation is to your children. Their obligation is to THEIR children, NOT TO YOU.

Parents are obligated, after their children are raised, to raise funds to care for themselves as they age. Not to burden the most free time of their own children's lives with their care.

As to Christian duty, it seems each Christian makes up the rules according to his own church's interpretation. As I am a non believer I am obligated not by any idea of a god dispensing rules, so I guess I am out on that one. I believer we have a moral obligation to our children TO BE SURE. And to ourselves to make the best life we can, and to give support we choose to give to those we choose to give it to.

You have made your choices. I honor your right to make your own choices. I am thrilled to hear you were happy in the choices you made and are comforted that you made them. You do not, however, make choices for the rest of the world. You certainly can hold opinions about it, and we appreciate hearing them.

Best out to you.
Don't make me repeat the father eagle carrying his eaglets across the raging waters story. All here are thoroughly bored with it, ha ha.
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Florida, not everyone can afford to forsake their work by caring for a loved one without pay.

Quite frankly, I find your post judgmental and unkind to those in situations that you can not fathom.

Getting paid or not has nothing to do with love or Christian duty.
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