I'm reading on here that people are asking what they should be paid to take care of their aging or ill parents.
Am I NUTS to think that it's our responsibility to take care of our parents and family?
I more than gladly took care of my Mom when she was sick and dying, my Brother when he was sick and my husband when he was sick and dying. I hated that I had to, but I did it because I loved them all. My brother is fine. But now I no longer have my Mom and my Husband.
I would gladly do it all over. I wouldn't ask for a red cent to care for any of them or anyone else I care about.
It's supposed to be my Christian duty. But that's just my belief...
I guess im just crazy. ?? ..
But is that the way it's done now? We are supposed to charge our family to care for them???
If so.. what has this world come to?
Well, it sure isn't the same as it used to be! You know, back when ONE salary was enough to provide for spouse, children, home and car, plus food and daily expenses.
Many of us us would love to have been able to care for our parents. If only we could do it without sacrificing our own future security.
I see nothing wrong with being paid to care for a family member, with costs being so high now.
But please consider how your comment appears judgemental & narrowminded - like a know it all nurse martyr.
Please be careful who you judge or say things like this to. You honestly could push someone over the edge, that is hanging by a thread. Words like this could be all a caregiver needs to end there life.
Please refrain from judging other people on this site. We are all trying the best we can. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here.
No shame on you for being so judgmental about family members getting paid to be family caregivers.
What's wrong with getting paid for this very mentally and physically exhausting job? More power to you if you were well enough off financially that you could just pack it all in to become an unpaid caregiver to your father. The majority of people can't do this because they have to earn to support themselves and their family. Most people with kids can't just abandon them and expect others to raise them because an elderly family member needs care and only family will do. That's an unrealistic expectation and you should not judge people who say no to it or who expect to be paid for their labor. Everyone isn't rich.
You're not better than any person who can't take on becoming the caregiver to their elderly family members.
i also think that’s society as a whole, at least western society, places a lot less esteem on that. People don’t consider you a successful person for having been able to achieve that monumental task, caring for dying parents and helping a sibling recover. But if you had gotten a promotion and made more money youd be considered successful and useful in society. That messaging is internalized some how.
My thinking is our parents are our responsibility just like our children. No one said it is easy and without pain. It is the circle of life. You don’t even need to be religious to get that!
I feel your outrage is misdirected. There are people that just don't care for their family at all, that have no contact. There are people that will take money but not provide care. People that provide loving care are to be commended not shamed whether compensated monetarily or not.
If a family member needs to make financial sacrifices to caregive an ailing loved one, their family should compensate them.
Christian charity can only go so far these days. It gets cold living under a bridge in a refrigerator box.
Some people will think you're crazy, but that's their problem, not yours.
If you are happy doing this and your recipients are happy receiving it, then continue on doing what you do.
God bless you for being so caring. And God bless those of us who come to the point where they can no longer do that kind of CG and move a LO into a care facility.
My boyfriend's 78 year old Aunt still works a full time job as a legal secretary because the needs the money. She is moving from her apartment as it has 8 steps she can no longer manage and moving into a senior facility that has an elevator.
Her apartment is pretty small. She told my boyfriend she was counting on her son to the moving for her. Her son told he could not as he could not manage the 8 steps either.
I guess the Aunt had to pay for professional movers.
It is amazing to me that the son, even if he could not manage 8 steps to help his Mom move, was unwilling to rent the Uhaul and pay some guys to help his Mom or find some friends to help his Mom WHO IS 78 years old and still working.
It is sad that the son was unwilling to help out his Mom in any kind of way AND SHE IS 78 YEARS OLD.
The Mom (my neighbor) really needs a family member to trouble shoot things but I guess the London vacation trumps looking after your Mom in time of trouble.
It was truly shocking to me that the daughter did not cancel her plans and send the husband and daughter to London without her.
In the meantime, carers still need to live, still need to pay bills and keep a roof over their head.
Sometimes the only way to do that is by becoming the paid carer of their loved one.
I think that it's also the Christian thing to not judge others. Don't pick and choose which aspects of your religion you will live by.
But, let's suppose we're all religious, and we're all Christians at that. I could swear Jesus told us to mind our own business a ton of different ways. From stories about birds that don't worry about the other birds or the next day, to literally, "Judge not lest ye be judged and by the same measure." I could also swear that he said that those who advertise that they're "good Christians" are actually hypocrites. He said that in the Sermon on the Mount. Of course, I'm not quoting verbatim but that is a pretty accurate, modern paraphrase. Oh the irony of Him saying, "do not recite long prayers" thinking that doing so proves you love God and then he demonstrates how to pray, and here we are, 2025 years later Reciting the prayer He said to demonstrate how, and Him not meaning that we should repeat his exact words, but we can't get through a single Sunday Service without doing exact what he said not to, thinking it proves we love God, using His words, to do exactly what He said not to do. It's like an SNL skit.
Man, Shakespeare did not lie when he wrote, "The devil can cite scripture for his own purpose."
I think it's great that you are able to help others with their health. Not everyone is cut out for it both mentally and physically.
I sacrifice a lot financially traveling and spending months every year but I am grateful I did not move back here. Sad to say but I wish my fathers ordeal was finally over for both our sakes. I am sick of living out if a suitcase and how much this is costing me. Neither of my parents ever thanked me by the way. So there’s that too.
I know in many cultures there is an expectation to take care of the elderly.
For myself, I failed to see the toll it would take. I really feel it's a situation by situation basis. In hindsight, I tried to be martyr and do too much. I was angry, resentful and stressed. And failed to see how damaging that was to my father. 8 years later, I still have deep regret and shame about his passing.
If I was stronger and suggested long term care, he might still be alive.