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So for the past few weeks Mom has forgotten to flush the toilet! My husband has flushed it for her but tonight was awful in that it was poo! I patted her back and told her she had forgotten and she said she did not in that she did that hours ago. Well I seen it for my own eyes as did my husband. She has zero idea! What to do? Not quite time for moving her to a care facility, but her memory is getting lower and lower and she is insistent it is not!

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It has been a whirlwind ride for sure, and an interesting one at best. I can say that with my Mother being in fairly good health, it is enjoyable to see her laugh and smile and dance. Her bad mood days are decreasing. I think my husband would be lost without her. She has become mainstay in our lives and we are finally finding our places together in one home.
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Hats off to you for having her share your home. That's an adjustment in itself. She is lucky to have you looking out for her. I hope your relationship with her makes it worthwhile for both of you.

I used to watch the tv show ER. Once a new doctor commented that he wouldn't have become a doctor if he knew how much of it was about feces and urine.

Caregiving is not as glamorous as people may think 😉 but it is more character building than anyone expects- whether you want your character built or not. 😇
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My Mom remains in pretty good health relatively for her age at 81. She is pretty self-sufficient. I'm just getting used to the idea of caregiving and all that comes with it. I will do whatever it takes to make her life as comfortable as I can.
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When I read your venting and request for suggestions I thought about my own journey of "caregiving". When my FIL's siblings asked me directly why I didn't take care of my FIL- this from a family that doesn't allow inlaws in family pictures- I responded "so I am not good enough for your family pictures over the last 30 plus years, but I am good enough to wipe your brother's a**?"

Yes I did say that, probably warmed up phone lines all over the family.

Along the way the icky became less icky. No I never did wipe his a**. I monitored his care and MIL's care in a nursing home. Paid their bills, argued with doctors and nurses - did end up having to do visuals on FIL's and MIL's a**es to monitor sores, etc.

Had to clean out poop from under MIL's nails several times ( dementia is so NOT fun) poor demented MIL had to deal with diarrhea on many, many occasions. Sometimes FIL would need a diaper change and demented MIL would attempt to change him. That was probably the biggest mess ever. Poop smears everywhere. The poor nursing home staff- they were always so nice about. Even the day they had to clean both of them and their room from top to bottom 3 times in one day.

I guess my point is that it gets much ickier down the road. The cap'n is a good ways further down that road than me- all the home caregivers probably get there eventually. I had it light with nursing home and hospital "monitoring" and it was more poop, blood, urine and naked body parts than I wanted to deal with. I would bring cookies for the lady down the hall from my MIL, she would catch her when she left her room naked and headed down the hall.

I would visit MIL during the diarrhea episodes - trying so hard to watch what I touched. If my dog smelled my clothing (or me!) with special interest after a visit - ahhhh- yuck!

I must be honest, I am not missing the diarrhea days.....
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Ha-ha Captain, your comment is a bit inaccurate. I'm no where nears irreversibly damaged, this is a brand new situation and it is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Maybe you can easily tolerate it and if so open up a nursing home for a multitude of people. Outlandish is also a term used out of context, really? This site is to vent not to have people be cynical. I get enough of that right at home.
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for the life of me i cant imagine such an oversight being so irreversibly damaging to someone. crap in a tupperware bowl in the fridge, that would bother me. crap in a toilet, not that outlandish..
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my dad is doing similar - doesn't flush & sometimes leaves wet spots in front of the toilet. Also doesn't properly wash his hands - wet & wipe *shudder*.

I like the note-on-door suggestion, will pass along to mom.
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This is an embarrassing situation for your mother and for you and hubby. You could do a couple things...1) constant follow up of your mother's trips to the bathroom which will become old fast but may be necessary as she advances 2) put a note in large letters on the inside of the bathroom door at eye level so she sees it as she is exiting the bathroom. Is this the only bathroom in the house? If you have two bathrooms, designate one for your mother with the note on the door, you and hubby use the other bathroom . This will give your mother some privacy and dignity, hopefully the reminder note will help her to be independent. If you are having guests over who will use the bathroom your mom uses, double check to make sure all is good before guests arrive.
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Arguing won't help. She really can't remember...and she won't want to be reminded that she can't remember, either! If there has been a good medical eval and there is no reversible cause for her memory loss, it will get worse and she will need more and more help. Sorry you are going through this, it's hard on all involved.
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