I care for my Mom who is 95 and quite with it. However, she will ask a question of me and then always question my response. I have nothing but her best interest for her and her well being. It is constant behavior with her. I get so short tempered with this behavior. I was caregiver for my father, my sister and now my mother. I am overwhelmed as she is tough. A lot of things going on in my life also. I must sell my home as husband is losing job. We are retiring and will be about 1.5 hrs away. If I tell her I am accused of "abandoning the family" we have had this discussion before. Her coming with me is out of the question. She will have nothing to do with moving. I try not to feel guilty but she doesn't make it easy. My sister is gone and it is just me. She does have a caregiver for during the week for days. She is by herself with Lifeline at night. We had a choking incident yesterday and forbid me to call ambulance as she wasn't going to the hospital. It is very trying. thanks for listening.
I understand how frustrating it is but maybe a little distance between you and your mom will be a good thing. You'll only be 90 minutes away which is a great buffer zone. Too far away to feel obligated to stop in on a regular basis but not too far away that you can't get there quickly if you need to.
And your mom might just feel nervous about you moving away. As difficult as she is she may have grown very dependent upon you. But she has caregivers and Lifeline and you can be there in 90 minutes if you have to be. You have to keep moving forward but don't expect her to understand or even care. Your place is with your husband. Mom just may not like coming in 2nd.