All caregiving responsibility lies on me...


Hi, I am the youngest of 4 - my mom has had 4 bouts of depression ever since my Dad passed 10 yrs ago ... severe depression and anxiety - for over 2 yrs I have taken my mom in to live with me now that she is well she refuses to shower daily now she has a UTI - she has some memory issues - forgetful - refuses to go swimming something she loved to do ...all responsibilities lie on me...

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that is a very good answer as always jeanne. wish i could be nice and helpful. nice would be a leap forward..

Ah, suzicuti, it is really a heavy responsibility, isn't it?

You don't say how old your mother is, but it is common to bathe less often as we age. I used to shower and wash my hair every day but now (I'm 68) I skip days sometimes if I'm not going anywhere. I can easily imagine that in 10 years I may be down to 2 or 3 times a week.

I helped my husband (late 70s, 80s) bathe twice a week, unless there was some reason (such as a bathroom accident) to do it more often. My mother (early 90s) has a shower at least once a week.

Please don't think you are responsible for your mother taking a shower as often as you do. It just isn't necessary. It is more of an issue if Mom NEVER wants to shower, change clothes, wash her hands after using the bathroom, etc. But a shower once or twice a week shouldn't be a problem.

If her lack of interest in things she used to enjoy has been since the UTI, wait until she is completely over that to get too concerned. UTIs can have really nasty symptoms in the elderly. The same goes for her forgetfulness.

Believe me, you have lots of company as you struggle with "how can I get my loved one to do what is best for her?" It may help a little bit if you relax your standards a bit -- both for her and for you. You may never get to be Perfect Caregiver who achieves all her goals for her mother. But Loving Caregiver Who Does Her Best is an awesome title, too.

Drat these computers that post twice!!

There are a lot of us in the boat with you, Suzi. I have siblings who would be absolutely stunned to see their mother now. One doesn't call anymore - I don't think he can handle it. I feel like I have the world on my shoulders sometimes, but I know I am not the only one. Somehow, knowing that seems to help. Hugs to you, my dear.

im suggesting that your mother is old and tired. of course depression causes a lack of interest in things normally enjoyed but a general loss of stamina and energy changes ones priorities too.. i can assure you im not going swimming. it is the most labor intensive way possible to get from one place to another.
allright im kiddin a bit. does she like everclear sno cones?
ill stfu now and go insult the hepc group for a while..

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