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Mine is my godfather 91 years old...not incontinent, no diabetes or dementia, or anything fatal, but some mobility issues since knee surgery then a bout with mrsa and a history of high blood pressure. Healing is right as rain.
But...The things my godfather has become fine with are just foul. He’s just rude, dismissive but demanding, everything is an emergency and he’s dirty now. Lazy, insistent, and cares nothing about anyone. I have caregivers and STILL I CANNOT STAND this relationship. He's been sick and needed much more help before so I’ve already seen it get worse... and if he had an excuse or diagnosis at this point he would be unbearable but understandable!!! I despise our interactions and dread every moment. Literally anxiety attack beforehand, like fetal anxiety.


I know this, if I start losing my marbles and become ok sitting in my own urine, throwing things or anything that would make my child or family feel this way... I want out! Put me down. I know it sounds harsh but I don’t want my family to hate me. Has anyone else considered how you yourself are to be handled? I’m 46 and I’m positive I’d never ever want to subject anyone to this?? What a sad realization:-(

I don't think that will do it. It takes alot to end a life and sadly to find a way that is not violent and effective. I wish the medical society could help not prolong life when there is absolutely no purpose to that life. It only takes seeing some people in nursing home situations to question WHY. Sometimes they yell and I wonder what they are trying to express.
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See? We all collectively agree WE WONT AND CANT DO IT TO OTHERS. I’m so fine with going out gracefully... and I wanna be wearing some great shoes:)
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He lives alone (will always require this, but we shall see) and his aftercare was 1 week from a Home Health,this time again with physical and occupational therapy now I have a few 4 hour days of Hired Home Care coming in per week for shopping, light house duties and helping with prepared lunches and standby showering as he’s seated. It’s his attitude towards me, I’ve read others say we become the enemy in multitudes of our posts here.
He has been tested for Renal Insufficiency and the quick PCP mini test (passed well) and she’s referring us further in. I really want to take care of him so when I’m there it’s for hours and he gets under my skin quick like!!! he is the one who became so high maintenance so quickly and hiding his LTC from me and I believe you gave strong advice then too. Thank you. His Drs were telling me step back, I was enabling his recovery. As did everyone here. So we’re inline to go further geriatric neuro tests, I stay on it I just do it from afar as much as possible. I was given solid factual advice here and I took it and ran... everything lined up from laundry to premade sandwiches, you people talked and I listened.
But the question remains and I kinda respect and agree with everyone here about never putting our loved ones through this.
Perhaps our elders are ill prepared because when they were living and raising families people weren’t so sick and kept alive so long, the end was faster. I have the means and I orchestrate everything from home if possible but I don’t want this for myself and my children so I will have an envelope for the time. Probably something like Caregiver said. I’m not sad about it either because this change I’m subjected to is real so I’ll arrange his EVERYTHING but my people know if I have no dignity left to let me go. If There’s no quality of living but just existing and being a burden or worse... I’m done here. Thanks for always being a realist Alvadear
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My Mother was a thoughtful, intelligent woman, who insisted that she would "die on the run."  Unfortunately, life led her in a different direction.  There came a day when I knew she couldn't be alone any more and by the time I brought her home to live with me, she wasn't aware enough to even question what was going on.  That was over five years ago.  My point is - if you really mean it, you need to make plans with the help of your loved ones.  Dementia is a dreadful disease and it creeps up unawares.
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youre a daisy... lol
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Bless you I’m with you truly
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I hope to take myself out if I receive a diagnoses and I hope I won't hesitate to do it a bit early if necessary. I've told my children to tell me when it's time. To PLEASE tell me when it's time.
I think a couple of Benadryl, a bottle of wine, some good music, a bonfire and a cold winter's night will do it.
The idea of burdening my children is terrible to me.
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We are stashing the pain pills and plan to purchase a ridiculously expensive bottle of the finest whiskey with which to wash them down with, should the time come when we need to depart this life for the next. We will not put ourselves, one another, or any of our combined 7 children thru the ravages of dementia or some other horrendous disease that robs everyone of a life or requires the sale of their homes to care for us adequately. Nor would we think of moving in with any of them to destroy their lives and/or their marriages.

Say what you will, but the care of very elderly folks is way too costly, both emotionally, financially and physically, to be imposed on anyone.

I don't think it's particularly sad, either. I think it's a great plan to have in place if the going gets to be too much. Assisted suicide is also an option here, which is something to consider.
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Grandma1954, you better tell someone where your stash is, in case you forget! Hugs 🤗
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Grandma1954, you better tell someone where your stash is, in case you forget! Hugs 🤗
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Welcome to the club nobody really wants to be a member of ...hugs 🤗
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You say that he has no dementia, but you do list some things that are symptomatic of dementia, such as being fine sitting in his own urine, and a lot of personality changes. There are certain dementias in which anger and combativeness of nature are normal when the mind is relatively OK to do activities of daily living. I think, before deciding that this gentleman is fine, it is worth having a check up.
You do not say, but it sounds as though you are living with this person. If you judge him to be able to take care of himself (in so far as he choose to) could I ask why you are staying with him? I can almost guarantee you that things won't get better.
You question was as to our own thoughts for our own children when we get older? I raised my children to be independent and strong, as that is what the world will require of them (parroting a favorite phrase of my Mom's) and I expect them to live strong, happy, productive and satisfying lives with as much honesty and honor as they can. I shudder to think they would EVER attempt to care for me. I am not an especially "easy" person when well. And when sick, weak, depressed, anxious and in pain I would imagine I could function as a one-woman-crucible. I like the old Eskimo way of the ice flow. Cold is really such a lovely way to go if the Polar bear doesn't get there first. I hope they stick me out on the ice flow with a "see you soon, Mom; love you lots". Most of us feel that way I imagine.
There are some few we see on the forum who take on the care of elders who have abused them most of their lives, and who are honestly not deserving of the care. These folks often say they feel duty-bound, obligated, guilty, worried over what others would think if they do not do this. I suspect it is more that they have been life-long trained to "do for" their elders without much love or appreciation in return.
You raise an interesting point.
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I feel the same way.
There is a slight problem though.
As one declines you are unaware of the decline, you think everything is the same as it always has been, that you can still function as well as you always have.
Because of this very thing I made the (expensive) decision to purchase long term care insurance. (hurts every year when I send in that check)
But my logic is ...
No one will care for me the way I cared for my Husband.
I do not want to put family in the position of having to do so.
I am lucky in that I am living in a house that is "handicap accessible" so I can easily age into my home.
I plan to start this winter with my basement and clear out all the "stuff" that is there. (Luckily I do not have an attic!)
I have POA for health and finances in place. I do have to update my Will. And I do have Advance Directives filled out and my POA for health is aware of my wishes.
Last but not least...I do have a "stash" locked away and I would not hesitate to OD if I got a diagnosis of dementia. (My only fear on that is I would not kill myself but do enough damage that I would not fully recover!) And I would probably forget where my stash is! ;)

I do exercise daily, I stay active, I volunteer several times a week, I try to keep my weight under control, although that is a loosing battle (actually it is the NOT loosing that is a battle)
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