Advice vs opinion! Is there a difference?

I think advice is "Matter of fact" there is no emotions nor is there any personal feelings behind it. Where opinions can be driven by emotions. Both can be based on facts and personal experiences, but if people are telling someone that they should stay in abusive relationship or that someone should take care of a parent because that parent took care of you is driven by "Guilty someone" is a opinion, which is emotional and just plain mean.

Maybe some people should answer questions with sympathy, which is "Greek for suffering. I sympathize with you meaning I suffer with you."

If people can not sympathize with someone then maybe they shouldn't answer the question!

Just my 2 cents!!

Yes, and just because someone on the forum is answering a question and relying on their source of information from some internet site - don't always buy into it. The information is not necessary correct.

We have to work our brain.

Let me add one more thing. I don't respond to a question unless I know what I am talking about. For one, I do not want to "mislead" anyone.

Personally, I'm a firm believer, If I open my mouth - I want to be sure I can back it up.

You heard the saying - Put your money where your mouth is. That's me.

IMO people who expect 100% accurate medical or financial advice from a public forum are either incredibly naive or deluded, the very obvious nature of this forum is that it is a group of amateurs who have no better qualifications than their own life experiences. There "may" be nurses, doctors, accountants, lawyers or financial planners among the members but even there due to the anonymous nature of the forum we only have their word on that, members can pretend to be whatever they choose - Buyer Beware.

Offering opinions based on nothing is useless to most people. I'll use AA as an example.

Alcoholics Anonymous was founded on the philosophy that only people who have walked the walk can offer their advice to, and sponsor, others who are suffering from a drinking problem. A person who is suffering from alcoholism doesn't want to walk into the doors of an AA meeting and talk to someone who's never had a drink. Why would he want to listen to that person's 'opinion' on how he should stop drinking, or how to go about doing so? That person wants to hear ONLY from another who's in the same boat. Who has an issue with alcohol, who can talk to him one on one and say, brother, I feel your pain because I'm THERE with you, in the trenches, dealing with it daily. Who has empathy, in other words.

Lots of people come here looking for actual legal advice. We don't watch Law & Order on television to get legal advice, we hire an attorney.

Lots of people come here looking for medical advice. We don't watch Marcus Welby on television and hand out medical advice, either.

Lots of people come here truly hurting & suffering from abusive relationships with loved ones. As in AA, if we are dealing with such a situation ourselves and have direct experience with such abuse, we offer our advice and techniques on how to cope with and deal with such a situation. We do not poo-poo them away by offering our 'opinion' that the abuse isn't 'real' or that the loved one 'doesn't mean it' and that we should continue suffering such abuse. To minimize their pain, in other words, thereby exacerbating it instead of alleviating it.

That's where 'opinions' differ from 'advice'. Opinions in very important matters or legal matters where the poster has NO FIRSTHAND experience with such things needs to be avoided. Advice should be handed out only when there is direct, firsthand experience with the matter that the poster is going through and asking for help with. Empathy comes only from experience. Or, as my husband loves to say, we learn from scar tissue.

Finally, an internet forum is just that: a place where anonymous people come to share their thoughts. It's a very good idea to always take what we like and to leave the rest. We had a poster say she was suicidal yesterday; the AC moderators had to step in to say, and I'm paraphrasing, please don't rely on a bunch of internet forum posters to guide you through such a situation; call the suicide hotline for help.

That about says it all, I think.

Whew.

So glad you asked this question. I could get very deep with this but I won't.

Henceforth, had I listened to a lot of the "opinions" or "advice" given to me on this forum in regards to my BIL, he would still have been in a Memory Care Facility four hours away.

Some said I could not have him moved because I had no authority. Others suggested to leave him where he was.

Thankfully, I listened to "myself" and had him moved closer to home. The move was so much better for my BIL and my husband.

My husband and his brother went from not getting to see each other often - to getting to see one another all the time.

Happy Ending : )


SN: To be honest with you, it does not take a "professional" (doctor, lawyer, etc) to answers most questions that are asked on this forum.

Most of it is just really, "common sense." Yeah

So very true. I think the times it bothers me is when posters give legal, medical, or real estate advice that might be wrong. It is fine to say "I think" or "I believe" or "this is how it went for me" but when we have people arguing things and being dead wrong it scares me in all truth.
I spent my life as a Nurse. We were always taught NEVER give advice unless your advice is to "go to your own doctor". As you can imagine people came to me all the time when I was in my career. "My child just fell off the swing. I think he is OK; he has a lump on his forehead. What should I do". I really had to say "Call your doc." I could have said "Well, swelling out in a goose egg is always better than swelling in against the brain. You need to watch for unusual sleepiness and should wake him up a few times tonight. ".....blah blah blah, but you see that is giving medical advice I am not qualified to give. And if I am wrong a child could have a bleed into the brain that would be life changing.
Sometimes we have posters who give opinion that could have repercussions for the OP writing to ask. I always try to get them to check with their own doctor, lawyer, realtor. We don't KNOW them. Perhaps they need a mediator. We hear the stories of the OP and accept that as truth, not really seeing so much more. So it can be worrisome.
I don't really know anyone unkind on the forum. If I thought someone was personally attacking me or another I would go to their private messaging and take it up with them. If I got name called (and I have been.............can readily tell you the names I have been called), I would likely report the comment itself.
Some are more sensitive than others. Some love to argue more than others (see my hand going up as guilty of that one). Some are quite sensitive. I think usually going to the person takes care of the problem.
I love this conversation, Jodi.

Whether it's advice or opinion, it's always just a suggestion. It's something to consider by the OP. Take it or leave it. It can be easy to consider someone's response as a personal affront if it's very direct and sometimes that's what's needed. So whether the responses are insight, experience or opinion, the OP decides what to accept as an relevant answer to their post.

Life experience has everything to do with it, as I have witnessed this in my own life.

I cared for my father for three years when he was dying of cancer. My mom continued to work and I took time off. I was at his home every single day, went to every doctor appointment, chemo appointment, spent every second I could with him and did any and everything I could think of to make him feel better. I cherished every second. He died at home and I was there, it was the most devastating moment of my life.
I do not regret one second of the time I spent with my father and never felt a shred of resentment. I never felt the need to get away from him, it was just the opposite, his presence was a comfort to me.

My mother is now the one needing care and the two experiences are like DAY and NIGHT. Due to her abusive ways and narcissism I can barely stand being in her company. The mental work necessary for me to deal with her and my reactions to her is immense. This entire thing so far as been nothing but misery.

I think experience matters so much that when I read the posts here one of the first things I consider is the relationship between the LO and the person trying to give care.

I have noticed that advice (or opinions) are very much based on their own life experiences, for example when people have had a traumatic or strained relationship with parents or siblings it (usually) colours the way they view the world and everything they say, and of course the opposite also holds true. Just as often as the "keep them home" advice is unwelcome to some the "put them in a home" advice is hurtful to others, but sometimes it is helpful to hear and consider opinions from outside your own echo chamber. Take what you need and leave the rest.

While I totally agree there is a huge difference between the two, they are enmeshed together so tightly that sometimes it's hard to distinguish one from the other.
What I have found on this forum is there are some people who are firmly in one camp or the other - for example, put LO in facility vs. keep LO home. And that's fine, because they're opinion seems to be based on their own experiences. They're valid opinions, even though we might not always agree with them. However, when it becomes an argument seems to be when a poster states they have already made up their mind (ie: "I want to place mom in a SNF, how do I make it easier" or "I want to keep dad at home through his final days, I need some advice on how to make that work") and then these posters jump onto the thread and state what a wrong decision it is, because in their situation it didn't work. That's fine to give experience stories, but not really helpful to the person who is asking the question.
If you're going to look for advice in an online forum, I think you have to be able to wade through the stuff that's not useful to you and take to heart the stuff that is.

It’s not off topic. It’s actually a great example.

I find some people who give ‘advice or opinions’ feel that we must follow it.

NO! It’s our choice to make, not theirs.

I am glad that Princess Diana felt as she did and felt that it was fine to ask for opinions or advice but was going to do as she pleased.

Even if a person screws up, so what? Some people only learn from their mistakes. Others never learn, even with a lifetime of mistakes!

Sightly off topic, but I remember reading that Prince Phillip got very offended & annoyed at Princess Diana as she would confided her problems to him & then appeared to ignore his advice.

Apparently he was under the illusion that as she had sought HIS opinion, she should follow HIS advice.

I suppose many are like that. Offer their 2 cents worth & expect it acted on. What's that about? Ego?

Anyway, apparently, Princess Diana felt differently - she collected many people's advice to sift through them all & see what would suit HER. Maybe she took none of it, (or dodgy advice from astrologists?) but it was her life to choose as she saw fit.

NHWM,

That's exactly it!!

When we give our advice, it's because we have been in a similar situation.

When we give our opinion, we're telling you what we think you should do.

There is a huge difference between the two!!

It is impossible for everyone to agree on every topic.

It isn’t even realistic.

What is right for me may not be right for them.

What is right for them, may not be suitable for me.

I accept this. I don’t expect all people to agree with my advice or opinions.

I absolutely am not going to agree with all of their advice or opinions.

When my children were younger I had a beautiful print hanging in our home with a lovely boat sailing in the sea.

Underneath the boat was a caption that read, “We are all in the same boat. Let’s keep it afloat.”

Living in harmony is beautiful. We can do our best to make it a goal.

Will it ever happen? Not a chance! There will always be controversy.

Does it bother me? Not in the least. I could care less.

Why should someone else dictate what I choose?

They are free to choose whatever is right for them.