My mother has lived with us for 3 years now. She has her own apartment downstairs with a private entrance. She has severe hearing loss and hearing aids do not help much. She has a curvature in her spine, but was fine until she fell over 3 years ago and now does not trust her legs to hold her up. She has all but completely withdrawn from any interaction with the outside world. She will go to the grocery store weekly, but not much of anywhere else. My husband and I ask her continuously to go places with us, but she refuses. She uses her hearing as an excuse. She is afraid of everyone who comes to our house, and will leave the room if anyone comes over. She sets in the dark most times and does not talk to anyone except the dog. I'm an only child. I don't know what to do to help her. Should I try to contact her doctor and talk with them about how she chooses complete isolation?
Cindi, hope you enjoy the race, sounds interesting. I do know what you mean about your temper getting the best of u, and i am not even menopausal anymore. some times i will have the same reactions, then go to my room and cry because i am getting to be a person that i do not like. I would like to be kind and patient and i find myself very opposite of that.
Peg, hon, please do not let yourself feel guilty for the things that you have no control over. Wont your bank accept a check with deposit only written on the back? mine will. Also, my brother had been on my moms checking account with her until his death, and the bank president told my mom to put my name on it with hers. Really dont know what good a power of attorney is. someone needs to tell me.
Mom is good today, i am happy to report. She watched me work in the yard for a while and sat on the porch. I put up hummingbird feeders and she is watching for the hummers. Sometimes she is the old mama, more times she is not tho.
Just checking in, hope all of you find some peace today. love, donna
I really feel for you. Can't imagine what you are going through right now. Do not feel guilty, though Peg. After all you have diligently taken care of your mother all this time through everything even when it was long past time for her to be put in a facility. I had wondered if your mother had altzheimers because it is not normal for her to hit you so violently like that. My Father has stage 5 altzheimers but if he hit me I wouldn't be able to take care of him. I know what you mean by how your mother already feels dead. When they medicate her like that and with the altzheimers they really are out of their heads. That is the way I feel about Dad. So whenever I see some semblance of life in him it makes me feel good. But essentially he is gone. Stares off to space to a place beyond here. You have nothing to feel guilty about. This is a natural progression of life. Not your fault mother has altzheimers and is violent. You could not go on like that. Although it is sad your mother is where she needs to be. Hope you find a good altzheimer facility. They are experts at how to handle your mother just get a good one. Even if it means 50 miles away. You will be okay. I imagine it must be real hard after taking care of her all this time, you probably don't know what to do with YOURSELF. You must feel lost. You are right about all that legal stuff. My brother handles that I know almost nothing about it but I guess I better learn. I know legally my dad is out of it. Think my mother has power of attorney. I will pray that you will be given strenght, courage and support as you go through this. Also, that your mother will be taken good care of til she passes. For I agree I hope something else takes me dad then the altzheimers. They say it is a horrible death. God Bless you and your mother, Peg.
Love
Cindi
Cindi
Yes, I know my freedom might be near at hand, but my emotions are going wild. Friday I went into the hospital to meet the social worker - and have never felt so devastated in my life. I have no legal rights now - the will for the house is no help. In our state there is no "conservatorship" - it is called "guardianship'. Have to go through all kinds of legal stuff to get it. My father has excellent insurance for both himself and Mama - but, get this, the insurance company can SHUT OFF the coverage for her current hospital room AT ANY TIME!
Then I have to pick EIGHT nursing homes - and the choices are limited because she has now been ruled by the psychiatrist as NOT competant and Alzheimers (second stage!) and the facility that takes her has to have an Alzheimers facility or a ward to control physical violence. and they might have to place her somewhere OVER 50 miles from home! This whole thing makes me sick!
I can't get her lawyer on the phone. My father has a friend who is an Estate lawyer and does some Elder law, and might be able to get me whatever I need to get into her checking account and pay her bills. Thankfully, two of her big bills are automatically paid, and of course, her social security is direct deposited.
However, my father and I don't want to break the law by having him write Mama's alimony checks to MY name, if it is against the law or might void the Legal Separation. And I won't be able to do anything with his next alimony check because the bank won't take it without an endorsement.
Then I have to write down all Mama's personal financial stuff so we can get her Medicaid. Have to have that for the nursing home, etc.
Meanwhile, Mama bit a nurse the first night and had to be moved out of her room and next to the nurse's station - so Friday when I saw her, she was so doped up that she was out like a light and head lolling back, mouth open, tongue hanging out. I was devastated! Today, she was fast asleep in a bed in a room, and I made sure the nurse talked to me in a lounge area so we wouldn't wake Mama up. Then they said she is not eating, and they try to get her to drink milk when she is awake enough to do so.
I have never felt such guilt in my life. My father, and my cousin (in another part of the state), both are relieved for me, they were both afraid she would kill me. Everyone seems to have seen how bad things have been for quite a while.
Valentine howled the first night outside Mama's bedroom. I calmed her. But since then she still doesn't act right. Valentine and I went down to the cemetary where my dear grandparents are buried and I "talked" to my grandmother while and cried a while. Valentine sat next to me on the grass.
It feels like Mama is dead already, yet she is still alive. If she knew what was happening (her brain is basically "rotting" inside her head) if would drive her crazy! Today I even (God forgive me) wished she had cancer instead - she would rather have parts of her body cut off than lose her mind!
I'll stop now - but PLEASE everyone - get a Power of Attorney signed by your parents BEFORE they have any problems with their brains. Or get your name added on their bank accounts so you can get to their money if you have to pay their bills for them.
love,
Peg
YES, MARYLYNNE, I FEEL THAT THE SITE AND U, JUDY, CINDI, AND ALL THE OTHERS HAVE HELPED ME TREMENDOUSLY ALSO.
LZYDZYMAE, I ONLY WISH THERE WERE RESOURCES HERE THAT YOU HAVE, BUT I LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN, AND THE NEAREST LARGE TOWN IS 40 MILES AWAY. I HAVE EXHAUSTED THE AVENUES HERE TO FIND DAY CARE. I AGREE AND MOST OF THE TIME WHEN MY MOM IS TALKING ABOUT STUFF THATMAKES NO SENSE, I JUST AGREE WITH HER, BUT SOMETIMES IT IS JUST BEYOND MY ABILITY WHEN IT IS SO FAR OUT. YESTERDAY WAS TRYING, HOPE TODAY WILL BE BETTER. HAVE TO GO TO A PROMENADE FOR MY GRANDDAUGHTER THIS EVENING, AND SHE WANTS TO GO. I DREAD IT, AS I WILL HAVE TO HELP HER, AND CARRY LAWN CHAIRS, AND FIND A CLOSE PARKING SPOT. THERE WILL BE NOONE TO HELP WITH THIS STUFF, AND I WILL BE LOADING AND UNLOADING THE DANGED THREE WHEELED WALKER AND LOADING IT. I ASKED MY SISTER IN LAW IF SHE WOULD GO WITH US, BUT SHE DECLINED. (OF COURSE) THOUGHT I MAY GET A LITTLE SUPPORT THERE, BUT NO SUCH LUCK
MARYLYNNE, MONEY IS AN ISSUE WITH MY MOM TOO. SHE WANTS SOME, THEN SHE LOSES IT AND SAYS THAT SHE THINKS SOMEONE TOOK IT OUT OF HER PURSE. I HAVE NO EARTHLY IDEA OF WHERE SHE PUTS IT, BUT FOUND 80 DOLLARS IN ONE SIDE OF HER PURSE THAT SHE HAD 'LOST', A MONTH OR SO AGO. MY YOUNGEST SON CALLED, SAID, MOM, IT IS MAKING YOU A NERVOUS WRECK, AND I AM AFRAID YOU ARE GOING TO GET SICK FROM THE STRESS YOU ARE UNDER, PLEASE PUT HER IN A NURSING HOME, FOR YOUR SAKE. HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS MY MOM, AND I LOVE HER, THOUGH SOMETIMES IT LOOKS AS THO I DONT. ACTUALLY, IT IS A LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP. FIND MYSELF RAMBLING TOO MARYLYNNE, GUESS IT IS BECAUSE I TALK TO MY SELF SO MUCH OF THE TIME. WELL, SHE IS UP NOW, SO MUST CHECK AND SEE HOW THINGS ARE GOING TODAY. HUGS, DONNA
Don't take it personally. I have often thought of contacting oprah about doing a show about caregivers and their parents. I have evern thought of using a hidden camera to capture my mom's behavior but she is not as bad as she used to be because I have changed my reaction and my attitude.
I thought my situation was bad untill I read some of yours. wow!!!
Read THE POWER OF NOW or A NEW EARTH, both by Eckhart Tolle or go to Youtube.com and watch the webcast. They might help you maintain your sanity.
LOVE YA'LL,
Marylynne
Keep that good 18 wheelin good man of yours. He sounds very kind hearted and sweet. Anyone who could be nice to a mother like yours, besides yourself, is well worth having. Who cares if she likes him.
Years ago, my mother, use to come by my house to sleep when my dad was in the hospital. When she came, my husband wouldn't pay her the time of day. My husband gave me lots of trouble back then. The few years since the Hurricane, my husband has had issues with both of his parents health. His father passed away from congestive heart failure and his mother now has alzheimers. He and his four brother take turns trying to keep her out of a nursing home, so I think he has come to understand the burden I have had for 20 years and thanks God his has only be a few years. He has become a kind and understanding man when it comes to my problems with my parents.
Today, was banking day. Well, my mom counts the money in her little wallet 10 times and still doesn't remember the amount. When we get the the bank, she asks me to write a check for $75 dollars. When I get the money she said I didn't say I wanted that amount. When I remind her for the 100th time that she wanted that, my voice starts to rise and then she gets angry that i was ugly with her. I have my 12 year old in the car who is complaining about the way the girls at her new school acts like upity bitches. She was from a quiet little town with down home people, now she goes to school with little uptown snoots. She can't stand it and I can't wait to move where she can be with down home people again. I just want to scream and then my mom says its my child aggravating me when it is her. I bite my lip and shut up knowing, she will never understand anyway, and it will do me no good to complain. Except to ya'll.
Let's have a contest. I can't wait to hear from the first person out of all of us, to have an absolutely lovely day. Sounds like Peg's freedom could be right around the corner. What a horrible way to have to end things. But, this may be just the ticket to set her freedom in motion.
I know I'm rambling, I just feel so nervous, that I'm venting too much, sorry.
Love and Kisses to all of you,
Marylynne
Donna, I would probably have vomited from cleaning up such a mess. Today had a bad day had to keep a halter monitor on me for my fast beating heart. Doc told me to take no nerve pills today. I cried all day and bit everyone's head off. I hope Oprah takes a look at this. Can you imagine if our Mom's found out all the stuff we say about them. If she really considers it, she can use our user names, unless....we get to go on the show. Ha! Ha!. My mother would die and never talk to me again. But, then again, thats not a bad idea. No, I really don't want to hurt anyone.
Love you girls,
Marylynne
ok thru venting. Judy, proud of your boy too. Eagle scout is quite an honor. Glad you got your mom to walk. Take her to the local wal mart supercenter, and she may enjoy walking there.
I did send a letter to oprah.com, stating our situations, and asking if it were possible to have a show done on 24/7 family caregivers. I invited them to view our comments on here too. Hope that it will get some action.
Peg, still thinking about you hon. Hope the day has gone well for you, at least you are free from your mom for a while anyway. Maybe she can be admitted somewhere and you can at least take a breath. Cindi and marylynne, i know you have both had trying days, as we always do, you are all in my prayers. love, donna
I more or less ordered my mom to walk when we got home from Dad's therapy. I told her mow go to each end of the block there is noone on the sidewalk, so she took her walker and tried to cut the walk short but I said "NO, go to the end " and she did. Dad and I clapped for her when she got back to the driveway, good job you can do it if you try!!!! Like talking to a 3 yr. old
Donna, my mom hates it that my husband and I go bowling every other Sunday, or when I go shopping with my cousin, if she's not able too why should I get too.
Cindi, my son made eagle scout the highest rank in boyscouts, he has been in scouting since he was 6 yrs. old.
Take care all of you girls oxoxox Judy
Love, Marylynne
Peg, it sounds horrible. I am so sorry that you have had all this trouble, but sounds as tho they may solve it for you. I hope that they can without taking your house, but if not, maybe being away from the abuse may be worth it. My heart goes out to u, wish i could help.
Cindi, my mom says the exact same things to me when i go to a shower, graduation or something like that. she says well you always buy for someone else, you need to save your money, you blow it like water. now she is griping about my bf, making smart remarks. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr wish i could just leave her and go somewhere away. she is such a smart aleck, i dont know how she has lived this long without someone whipping her butt. It is all i can do sometimes to keep from just shaking her or hitting her. Omg. i just read what i wrote, and i hate myself for even thinking of that. Just my thoughts. I really am not that kind of person, but am being pushed toward it all the time with her mouth. wish she would hit me or something rather than run her mouth all the time with her holier than thou crap. No one i know is good enough for her. she is a snob of the worst kind. i dont even like her. I do need help. i need a counselor of some kind, but if i went she would be mad at me for going. Next week i think i will take a trip on the truck with my friend, she can stay here and my son can watch after her and her hatefulness. love, donna
So we take off, she had me drive her car and we had darling Valentine (my Boston Terrier) with us, and Mama was sitting in the front passenger seat, quiet and fine from our home to the border. Then she started her weird talk (English words, incomprehensible sentences) and as we drove on, she started punching me in the right shoulder. The first few punches I was able to hold the steering wheel. The next one I almost went front-end into the on-coming car. Twice, I pulled over and told her to get a grip on her temper and NOT hit the driver of a car or we'd have a crash.
We finally arrived in the town that was our destination and I pulled over, and suddenly she got out of the car (without aid of her cane) and with purse and map in hand stood at the edge of the small winding country road, and each time a car went by, cried out "Help help". I just sat in the car, figuring she would calm down and we would just go home.
To my extreme embarrassment, a couple in a van pulled over, and tried to talk to her. I hopped out of the car, and said something like, sorry to bother you, she is just having a temper tantrum. Mama got back into her car.
By the hand of God, there was the local fire dept about half a block away, and I found a man there, who got on the radio and got me a couple of EMT's, an ambulance, and a state policeman. (By now, our hometown police and EMT's are quite used to her behavior, but I was mortified to have people who didn't know us see her tantrum.) One of the EMT's discovered Mama's blood pressure was very high (later found out 212 over 150! way past stroke!) so they took her in ambulance to hospital in the nearest city. (I had to find a parking spot in the shade for Valentine) then went in to give them the necessary info and my copy of her medical insurance card. Then wait and wait.
Finally they escorted me into ER to see her - I got the "evil eye" several times from Mama and the doctor tried to discuss her case right there. I motioned him to step out and we talked in private. I gave him the full story and even the beatings this week (starting with the punch in my left eye on Sunday afternoon 3 hours before I had to go to work)
He said they were going to run tons of tests. Then we had to see about transporting her back to the city nearest our home (I was adamant that I was not taking her in the car, as I can't drive while being punched.)
Went out of building, walked Valentine, waited, called my father tons of times, etc. About 7:30 pm, I had to leave a message for the doctor and drive to a store that sold dog food (Valentine has epilepsy - I didn't have a pill for her with me, but she hadn't eaten since 8 am) and water, plus snacks for me.
Got back to hospital - They had done all tests except CT scan. They had me go in again. This time I got the evil eye, screaming, demand that she talk to my father (which we arranged, and it was a wonder he didn't need a pacemaker tonight! he has serious cardiac problems.) and then she became violent and I fled and could still hear her across the ER etc.
Doctor took me aside. Finally I was able to hear a doctor say in plain English "She has (progressive) Dementia". (Mark this day on the calendar!) Next step - he called Memorial Hospital in the city nearest our home, to get her there. They suggested Samaritan Hospital (has a geriatric psych ward). Samaritan told him they had no beds and dementia is "out of their purview"! (Later, my father told me one of the former actresses from his theater group has dementia, and lives in the dementia nursing home across from Samaritan and owned by Samaritan!!) He offered to keep Mama in his hospital or try Memorial again. I thanked him for all his work, but said it was better she was nearer home.
By 9 pm I signed the last paper, reassured Valentine and started driving down the long winding mountain roads in the dark to get home (everything looks so different in the dark).
10:30 pm -Got home, put Mama's car in garage, gave Valentine her pill, fed cat, took quick shower and clean clothes and jumped in my car and flew to Memorial. My father got there first. As I came into the ER and her cubicle, I get the evil eye again, and gave her the same speech as in the previous hospital about "you almost had a stroke today, got to get your temper under control, your blood pressure shot up too high, etc"
It had been decided that Memorial would keep her overnight. Tom'r (later today) the serious stuff of where she goes from here has to be decided. Doctor was saying "Nursing home" - I cant' afford it on $9.50/hour, and don't know if medical insurance covers it. The worst part is the deed to Mama's house is in her name, I have her Will that if she dies I get the house, but if it needs to be sold to pay nursing home, is she competent to sign? The words "conservatorship" and "Durable power of atty" etc have been thrown at me - have to come up with price of lawyer to do any of this.
So here I am.
Peg
Busy day here and I am exhausted. Normal Dadcare, Momcare, grocery store, shower shampoo shine and out to my girlfriend's daughter's graduation from costmetology school, out to lunch with their family and few of daughters friends, race home, get the parents into the car cause mom has an appt with her internist who is an hour away. Back home drop them off with hubby, and then off I go to a compassionate friends meeting (for people who have lost their child) then out for a solitary chinese dinner at 9:15 pm then to grocery store, home, another bath to relax and now here...whew...takes a breath! Mom actually made dinner tonight so I didn't have to cook. She also watched dad for me and even fed him his premade lunch (she had to warm it up in microwave it was already plated) while I went to the graduation and lunch. She didn't want me spending money on caregiver for just a few hours she said. So, she was pretty nice today. Oh except for the part when I got home and she complained to me about spending money on other people for graduations, birthday etc...and going to these things, how she thinks it is stupid...and she was poking me saying well you were in a hurry did you make it to the graduation? Was it nice? Whose birthday is it tomorrow? Seeing that you worry about everybody..just tried to tune her out and change subject. Everytime I go to those parent meetings I am emotional wiped out. I feel all of the other parents pain when they share what is going on with them..and I feel my own. I don't go too often maybe once a month at most. But, my son's birthday is coming up at the end of the month and I felt I needed support. This was the last meeting of the month.
Judy I think they like to make a big deal about nothing cause there isn't very much in their lives to make a fuss about. Judy you are doing a good job by your parents as we all are...you been busy. What were you celebrating for son...I missed that part. Too bad mom is so depressed that she just sits there and is waited on...
Marylynne..hope theh cardiology appt went well. Gosh all four of you?! I agree with judy and marylynne lets go on Oprah!!!! Gonna do some reading. Tomorrow is Physical therapy for mom, and I have curves in the am...ugh
I am not changing a thing. She has lost who she is and I told her by golly that I am not going to get to the point where I sit on the couch all day. You shouldn't have to change when you get married you should still be able to have and do the things you enjoy with or without hubby. She became to dependant on doing things with him and now she feels stuck. Complaining one more day is not going to solve anything. Thank GOD the doorbell rang. Jusy venting Judy
Love, Marylynne
We should all write to Oprah and let her know our position and what many others are dealing with I'm getting very close to doing so.
The ceremony for my son went fine. My Aunt was mad at my mom because she didn't go out of her way to get dressed up or look a bit better for her Grandson. She also didn't move at all after she got there. My guest from Florida waited on them because I was to involved with the party. She should have waited on my guest.
Therapy is going well but now I think I am going to have to take Dad to a ciropracter. He's complaining about his lower back. Took him to an ear,nose,and throat dr. and he pulled out chunks of wax out of his ears. Told us because of the meds he's on he's not getting enough water to reduce the mucus in his throat. What could help is against the other drs. orders. If its not one thing its another.
Still trying to get mom to walk. Why go shopping if you have nothing to buy that seems the only way she is going to walk. The agedcare editor recommended physical therapy and to ask the dr. if that is possible. I looked online for a dual action bike the dr. wants her to get. My mother thinks computers are EVIL. I found one so I will have to take her to look at it.
All our troubles go round and round. Keep talking girls as long as it helps. oxoxo Judy
By the way, Mom didn't get up with dad because her room is on the other side of the house, Dad has a makeshift garage apartment. Very nice. After mom takes her night meds she couldn't hear an explosion. Can't sleep with dad because of him being paralyzed. He sleeps kind of cross ways on the bed. Anyway, if she would have heard them, he called her a bastard and they would have start fighting and woke up the whole house. Today I told my dad, because he says I'm always pissed off, Why wouldn't I be. I said where and what were you doing at my age? Were you taking care of your mother and father at the same time. He complained if my grandma just visited. I told him if he kept up his crap that I would put him in a home until the addition is built on my house.
Anyway, I will get off of me and go to ya'll. Cindi, I feel for you babe. If my mom has a fight with one of my brother, I get the bad end of it. My husband just tolerates my mother also, and it is because of how she treats me. But, truthfully, he never liked her to begin with. I tell him to let me handle all conversations with her and just to answer her when she speaks to him. He is never polite to her.
Donna, Nursing homes are very expensive here also. My mom was smart enough to take a long term care policy out years ago, which is almost completely used up. The nursing homes here will take them for one month of respite care if you have a long term care policy or can pay it yourself. She does have probably just enough to put him in for one month and she could go stay with one of my brothers. But, can tell you that will never happen. Dad will pitch such a fit that she will give in. I really have no rights over what they do, except to throw them out. Which you know I'm not going to do that. I'm with you I just want to live long enough to enjoy some kind of life of my own. I Had an ex-friend, and the reason she is my ex-friend is because she told me that she don't think I know how to do anything but take care of old people and clean house. She told me to get rid of them and find out what I would be good at. Although she was right, it was the way she said it that hurt me.
For all you new girls, welcome and thiis is the only thing that keeps me going, to know someone else is out there. MY TRUE ANSWER IS, "THERE IS NO ANSWER".
I pray for all of us to have an answer.
I love you girls, Marylynne
Feel like i am on a merry go round that wont stop. i can wave to the real life as i pass by, but can never get off this horrible ride. Yes, shari, you do deserve better. honey you deserve a lot better, you have earned it. we all have. I am in awe of the girls who have not only a bitchy mom, but a sick dad to also take care of. I know i could not do it.
Mom has given me the cold treatment all day, and when she does speak to me, it is something hateful. She will not use her walker or cane and goes outside and yesterday, she fell down outside, but did not tell me until today, when i gave her her bath and she had bruises all over. then she told me that she fell down and had to crawl over to the steps to get up. She knew i would have no sympathy because i tell her over and over to at least take the cane when she goes outside. It is exactly like having children again who will not listen. Marylynne, you and i need a break soon. i mean real soon. or we are the ones who are going to suffer, not these people who we are spending our life taking care of. Why didnt your mom give dad some mylanta? How horribly mean of her. you are right, nursing homes may be the answer. In our state, however, nursing homes are expensive, and my mom doesnt have that much income. The lady told me that if she went to a nursing home the state would pay, but, the sale of her house had to be done at least 1 year prior to the admittance, so, i am stuck. If i do try to put her in one, the lady told me that i would have to pay, or give up the house to the state. and still make the payments on it. So, i am stuck til next november. Oh lord, i hope i live that long. love, donna
I thank each of you for your honesty and courage to share your true feelings on this board. Reading them, realizing I am not alone, realizing it is not just something I am doing wrong by not pleasing the woman who cannot be pleased, has been a very comforting experience for me. Although, I hate that you are all going through the same thing as I. By the way, someone mentioned being so bad off they’re in need of the crazy farm. I’ve had that thought many times and decided, that’s not such a bad idea. Someone else cooks, cleans, I get to take care of me. Send me there!!! Please? No really, PLEASE!
I get so tired of being asked the same questions every week. 52 weeks out of the year. And I give her the same answers all the time. She can't hear, and everything I say, I have to repeat. Or she hears something that doesn't even pertain to what I was talking about.
I haven't mentioned anything to you about my husband. He's a good man overall. He's been good to me and tried to make me happy. But there is a big age difference. He's 20 years older than I am (68-48) and he also has turned into a very negative person. So I'm getting it double-barrel. I try very hard to keep a positive mindset for myself, but when there is no one around you to share a smile - it gets so hard. I'm a quiet person, I don't talk much. (Doesn't do any good to talk, neither of them can hear me). My husband is one of those people who you try to avoid because he never shuts up. Sometimes I feel like screaming because the tone of his voice never stops. He's one of those garage mechanics, that stays dirty all the time and looks like he just crawled out of a grease pit. He's a BS-er, he tells long, fabricated stories that are nothing but a bunch of BS. He doesn't have any teeth and honestly, he looks about 90 years old.
I'm deserve better than this, but I can't just walk away. I feel so alone. I'm sorry, I just needed to vent. I've got tears streaming down my face while I'm writing this. I know this is not what our discussions are about. But I feel close to all of you and just needed someone to talk too. Love you all... Shari
Good Morning to all my caregiver friends here...heavy hearted today. Mom and my sister got into a bad argument yesterday when they went out to lunch so mother is in a bad place and of course that means it is harder on me. She tried to take it out on me...she tried to make me upset at what my sister said about me (and it worked). She keeps spewing bits of conversation they had yesterday. I told her not to take it out on me because she is upset at sister. Mother told me she wants to move out. Asked me if I would take care of her still if she does. I answered yes, I would...who else would do it? She complained about my husband. Said this way she wouldn't have to see his face. She doesn't like the way he acts. She doesn't think he likes her and she doesn't feel welcomed just tolerated. Told her that I had said before if it doesn't work it is because of her and how much she will put up with, accept, cope etc. I am going to have another talk with husband because he could be nicer. I think my difficulties and venting to my husband makes him have resentments..etc to Mother. HE has told me that she does not appreciate me enough. I need him to just listen and treat her normal. Told him I will be upset if mom moves out because of him. He could work harder on things as could she. Doesn't feel good caught between them both. My family has problems. Mostly, mom and sister are the main problem. They won't be speaking now for awhile. Mother told sister that her diamond engagement ring is worthless and not that great and that she could buy one for herself if she wanted. Great family, huh? This was after siser continuously bragged to my mother about her doctor bf and her ring and how pretty she is..I tell you what a drama. My sister suffers from poor self esteem so she inflates herself to my mom who has issues toward my sister because she let her leave with her for 38 years and paid all her bills etc...and now daughter won't help mother out financially or in any way. How and why was I born into this? Feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Lots going on with friends too...When I get overwhelmed first thing I want to do is get away..second is eat..guess what I am doing right now??....
Try to have a pleasant day and don't let the parents get you down...
Love and Hugs
Cindi
I would tell your Mom that if your boyfriend can't move in, that you will be looking into nursing homes. Tell her that you will be happy, even if the cost is her going in one. Look at them, get the prices and scare the living shit out of her. She is mean and hateful. I plan to do the same tomorrow, with my dad. My nerves are shot and can't handle being woke up and yelled at.
Love, Marylynne
Today was a normal day. my mother bitched at me intermittently with acting terribly concerned...bf has stayed last 4 nights here with me. she is so furious. i did his laundry today and ironed his jeans and shirts. she was indignent.. i told her to get whatever she wanted ironed and i would do hers too. she seemed pleased, but, not for long. he and i went out for short while this evening, and while we were gone she called my son in and decided that my friend could no longer stay here. she doesnt care about my happiness, only about her own selfish hateful ugly self. yes, one of those days when i hate her. when i wish that she could just go on to the nursing home and leave me alone on my own. I told my friend about the discussion my mother had with my son, and he said, "well, i would never come between you and your family. " so, he said after tonight he would go back home and only see me when i could come to him. This is not what i want, but, i guess the way it will be. Yes, mother dear has ruined yet another relationship for me. The only way i will ever get away from this old witch is to die myself. She is a mean selfcentered woman. Marylynne, nice to get out, even if it means going to all the trouble and your hubby getting sick, at least he is better now. cindi, you are always cheerful sounding on here and the peacemaker, we love you for it. Peg your mom sounds as mean as mine. guess i will go for now. hope tomorrow is better. If not, i may go to look at nursing homes. love, donna