Advice on how to deal with live-in mother?

Hello my lady caregiver friends, Judy, Marylynne, Donna, Toni and everyone else. It's a gloomy day here kind of matches or sets the mood. Dad seems to be getting over the bronchitis. I just hope we don't reinfect him with our virus. Mom has been a recluse the last few days. Although I do enjoy not having to deal with her as much. I am not feeling her unhappiness. Yesterday she was lying in bed during the day. I asked her if she felt sick she said no. I said what was wrong she said nothing. She only lies down when she is feeling sick or sometimes when depressed. As I said before I feel I have to be her social calendar. If I schedule things throughout the week and have a few stay home days she feels the best. Too many days at home and she gets more down. Due to dad's illness and now ours we have been home alot more. Also, she is staying away from us so she doesn't get sick. It's too hard having to manage someone else's life as well as my own. Anyways, feeling the pressure of it all here.
Also going to have to get something for her to eat. Have nothing here that interests her although I did make soup yesterday. Maybe that will help. I wrack my brains trying to feed her. Usually I get complaints. My heart feels heavy today with the burden I somehow place on myself regarding my mother. She is out in her garden right now. 8:35 in the morning. That is a good thing. Hopefully it will help her feel better. I am shut up in my room with breakfast. Wishing my father would sleep longer so I don't have to give him breakfast just yet. Have to call the dentist for mother also her doctor. I'm slowly getting better but still sick. It usually takes me a few weeks to get better. After two days on antibiotics my mother asks me aren't you feeling better yet? I said a little. Thinks she wants miracle wellness. Wish I could. Wish husband was home with me today. He went to work. Have to try to find a better attitude about this. I am lucky I can take care of my parents, right?

Take Care of yourselves
hugs
Cindi

Hi Revans, welcome. Sorry you are having issues with your Mother, but this is the place to vent and talk when you do. We are all in similar boats. Donna, maybe your mother's dementia is worsening. I can't imagine her snooping in your room at this stage unless she excuse my language here but (unless she gets off on looking into your room now that you have a boyfriend) if you know what I mean. Either way, it is an invasion. Whatever, happened to our caregiver friend whose mother had to go into a nursing home? I wonder how she is doing?

Went to doctor with husband yesterday. We both have bronchitis, mine is worse. Dad is getting better from his bronchitis. Mom is keeping away from us she is the only well one (physically that is). Missed goddaughters birthday celebration due toour illness. Mom was probably glad we stayed home. I am a bad patient, restless. Working on getting as much rest as I can make myself get. Have a good Sunday, ladies.

Hugs
Cindi

I have been caring for my mother for the last 3 years my son who is 24 also helps me tremendously. However, I am so stressed, my health is failing also. My mom has started to be very offensive and it is getting very difficult to manage her at times. I really do not want to put her in a nursing home but I"m concerning that option. I can imagine that it is "Guilty" feelings that I am feeling for not thinking of that option seriously. I was in the prime of my career when I became ill. I had to come out due to my illness and shortly became care giver to her and myself. I am the only girl and the youngest and everything is on me. My two brothers does not help or come visit. My mother says that she does not want to stay at my ( our ) home when she is offensive. I try to take under consideration of her illness and say to myself that her illness is talking but it is very difficult. Due to my ( our) finances, I can afford having some to come into the home to help us, so I cry and talk to God and my girlfriend. Thanks for listening!!

hi girls,
i am here to complain again! yesterday, i went out of town for a few hours, when i came back, my mother had been in my room snooping around. Made me so mad. i am still seething about it. Not that i have any deep dark secrets, just that she has no business doing that, and under the pretense that she is cleaning my room. damned bed was made, nothing else needs to be done..NO PRIVACY.
Today she told me that she was going to lock don out. i told her she was going to do nothing of the kind, and if she didnt like it she could go to a nursing home.. she settled down and shut up for a while. Probably getting ready for the next attack.,. hate her more daily.Donna

Judy, Marylynne. Thank you for your caring support. Yes, I do believe in an afterlife and I do believe he is happy. I'm sure he is happier there then he was here. I am happy for him. However, sad for me esp at times like these...birthdays etc. It is natural. As a mother you can't help blame yourself and wonder if things would have went differently if only. I do know I alwayss did the best of what I knew at the time and that gives me some comfort.

Judy, I'm sorry that even your moods as a child were so affected until now even. I think we all were to some degree or another. Once again we watched and learned from our mothers who were our examples. No wonder, huh?....Well they did the best they knew how to do too I suppose. Just sometimes people's best affects others negatively.

Father has bronchitis since Tuesday and now my husband and I are sick. I have asthma so not good when I get sick. Took mom and dad to her PT appt and then treated them to lunch (Japanese) my mother likes asian food the best (she'll at least eat some of it). Home now and reading your postings. Dad is in his room, just gave him his cough med and tylenol. Mom just went for a walk and home in her room resting. I'm going to lie down for a bit. Not feeling too well. Tomorrow is my goddaughter's 14th birthday party. Suppose to go, hired caregiver. Husband and I were going to make a night of it and see a movie. Not sure now. Mother was complaining about how I love to go. Never seen anyone like me. A housewife who goes out by herself to movies..etc. Said my husband is a dumb dumb for letting me go so much. etc..etc. I laughed (even though it bothered me) and said..you are right mom, I am special...very special. Why are you complaining (gabriel brother) told you I need to get out. She said how much is gabriel going to have to pay more....I said nothing. If I need to I will pay into it. If she doesn't agree to what we do we hear about it. Yesterday, was my day away...I left at 2pm and came home at 7. I came home cause started feeling ill. I like to come home when she is in bed! haha...Saw the movie with Jackie Chan and some other Kung Fu..guy. It was free! Because the movie I wanted to see was taken off and not advertised. I complained (complaining does help sometimes girls! (Smiles)...) manager happened to be there and said I could watch any movie playing at the time on their dime..sooooooo..that part made me happy!...Wasn't too bad either...I use movies as cinematherapy...tomorrow we were going to see that "Sarah Marshall" movie...will see how we feel...may end up staying home.
Oh, my daughter was so sweet she sent me flowers to brighten my day on son's birthday. Such a sweet girl I was surprised, she is growing up to be quite a loving spirit. Take care my special loving friends...

Cindi

Cindi, Love to you on this very sacred occasion. All I can wish you is Love. And it is scary how our mothers are so alike. Maybe God sent us each other to get through these terrible times.

Judy, isn't it funny how we are not allowed to be in a mood, but they can be. Anytime I answer my mom with any kind of aggravation in my voice, she jumps my case and says don't take your bad mood out on me, only if they knew the bad mood was about them.

Love,
Marylynne

Cindi, I really don't know what to say I hope you heart heals because I know your son wouldn't want you to be sad. If you believe in the here after like I do he is happy.
I lost a cousin of mine her name was Cindy too. She was 47 and died of a brain anarisum not known to her that she had it. She left behind a husband and adoptive daughter age 9 at the time. I never knew how to handle the relationship with them after that.
Today took Mom for her bloodwork and she asked me why I was so crabby. I told her she doesn't understand anything. I have never been able to be in a mood of any kind ever since I was small.
Have a great day girls oxoxo Judy

Good Morning and Hello Everyone: Thank you for your well wishes. Son's birthday memorial went well. My grand-daughters and their mother, Jessica were with us. Husband dug a border around grave marker and we framed it with wood bark chips. Granddaughters helped and they put balloons on sticks around it too, flowers it looked very pretty and well loved. Afterwards, we prayed and I read a poem then dinner at one of his favorite restaurants. We do this twice a year on his birthdate and date of death. Tradition now. Mother acted resonable toward his former girlfriend Jessica. My mother has ill feeling toward her so it can be stressful. But, it went nicely and I felt good. Later that night I took a drive, ate some and cried while listening to a special CD that was written by a man who lost his daughter in a car accident. Donna, I know you can somewhat empathize, losing your grandson. I am sorry for your loss. For my other friends here, I pray that you will never have to know what I feel. Hard for people to understand unless you have experienced it. But, basically I've learned to live with a broken heart. There is a part there that is void. But, we go on, somehow. Just like with our parents...our mothers.
I read all your postings last night. Strange how we open up more and more. I thought it was just my mother who tried to hit my father. These mothers have a lot in common, it is scary. After my son passed away. My Mother, Father and Sister went downhill. The family broke up. I've had to work with my brother in keeping things together as best we can. I mention this because my mother would get mad at my father for "talking back to her" and try to hit him with her cane or knock him to the ground etc. Once my sister called the police on her. All this even though she was told my an Altzheimer care person that he is 100% not accountable for what he says or does. I guess our mothers all have bad personal/emotional/mental problems that have gotten worse because of their ages and their declining health and minds. They just don't care anymore and act anyway they like of how they feel. They take it out on us and their husbands etc. We, are generous, loving, giving and compassionate trying to take care of them despite everything and trying to do it with a loving spirit even though sometimes we don't feel loving. It is so hard to rise above it all and see that they are suffering too. We must not allow them to treat us badly though, girls. I know at this stage of the game, they will not change. Perhaps, it will just worsen. But, if they clearly treat us bad and are hurtful we must speak up and tell them how we feel what they are doing and how it isn't right. I pray for all of us. We are just trying to do what we feel is right and good.

Love and hugs to all of you...all of us.
Cindi

dr appt this morning, dont know why, i guess he just wants to get as much as he can out of medicare. there is nothing wrong with her. Put her on aricept for the alzheimers bit, says he is not sure it will help, as she should have been taking it long ago. Helloooo!!!why didnt he give it to her then? After doctor, went to the grocery store.(where i walked fast, as usual) she bought some things that we didnt need, and probably wont use, but, that is the way that goes. we now have 5 packages of turkey sandwich meat, which no one but her eats, but she wanted to buy it anyway. (ON SALE) On the way home in car, we had another of our senseless conversations, and i just agreed with her and went on. They were drilling an oil well, and she said it would be nice if they would make a well out of that, but they wont. I said, well, why on earth would they be drilling if they didnt intend to make a well? She said well, they never do, not in this part of the country, so, instead of arguing like i wanted to do, i just said, well, ok. she then started telling me a story about someone, who used to walk up and down the streets, and i didnt know who she was talking about, so she got aggravated that i couldnt come up with the name of who the hell she was talking about. I said , guess i didnt know them. She said, You did too. Still a mystery. why does she get so mad at me when i cant finish her stories for her? I think she thinks i am deliberately not helping her with them, but i honestly dont know what she is talking about most of the time. She also said, Don ought to sell that truck, so he would have a place to live and not be sponging off other people. hahahaha, she really believes that. The house is mine and if she doesnt like it, there is not much she can do, other that be mean and gripe, and earn a ticket to the nearest nursing home. well, gotta go now, she needs help fixing her "turkey sandwich" lol, have a good day everyone!!!!love, donna

I see my dad feelings get hurt and he says how am I supposed to get better if she says those awful things to me? I say I feel bad to for him and for myself.
After fixing a pharmacy problem for her, I get the verbal abuse about how its my failt that she has to take drugs because I sent her to the hospital a year ago this May. How can you blame someone that loves you, someone that you have to look to for help? I ignored the comment to avoid an arguement. Remember to be the bigger person which I am.
I sometime think that even though my Dad is 94 he may outlive my Mom. oxoxoxo Judy

Judy, You do have a duplicate of my Mom over there. My dad had a stroke 20 years ago and I blame it on my Mom. My dad first had a heart attack and they wanted to do a major surgery that would have removed an aneurysm from the heart left from the heart attack. My mom was so scared of losing my dad, not because of her undying love for him, because she was scared she couldn't support herself if something happened to him. So she wouldn't let him have the surgery. She talked him into medicine. A year and half later he had a major stroke from the aneurysm and went on with every illness from there from broken hips and pelvises to cancer of the ear, osteoperosis and so on and so on.

She only thinks of herself and wishes him dead all the time, thats why he is living so long, he is trying to prove her wrong.

Love, Marylynne

Well i already got the xray done at the hospital for dad. Last night mom went to her room after dinner and i didn't see her til this morning, she likes to pout. She'll still holds it against him because he went out on the porch a year ago this May and broke his leg, she yells at him for not listening and yells at him when he is in pain. She has always treated his illnesses like they were deliberate. He deliberately got kidney stones or had a gallbladder attack etc. He is 94 and he should be dead, she'll say.
Alot of the arguing I heard as a child was about money. Its gotten worse as they get older. She to shakes her fist at him and he says she has hit him but not when I am around, she is very verbally abusive and emotionally abusive. My Dad never called my mom names when I was growing up and he still hesitates now and he would never get physical with her.
well have to do the grocery shopping today seems to be ok so far.
Donna I wish we could all run away together OXOXOX Judy

Good morning everyone,

I see most of us had bad day yesterday! There is so much I want to type at the moment because I am so livid after yesterday-but I will save it for later.

All I really want to add at the moment is to Cindi-- Please try to have a good day and we all will be thinking of you.

Toni

Dear Judy, When your mom threatens your dad what does she say? My mom threatens my dad also. I have literally seen her shake him or put her fist in his face, like she was going to hit him, but then don't. My dad will make comments like, I'm watching my Mom abuse him and I am doing nothing about it. Really, she hasn't abused him yet, and I'm always around. It's like two little kids fighting. My dad says, he knows just where to curl up his good fist and punch her, so that she will die in an instant and he points to her adams apple. It does seem when hubby gets home, that they or she will behave, not thats shes afraid of him, she just knows, he won't put up with that sh--t. He doesn't like my children being around that.

Did they act that way when you were young. I remember my mom and dad always arguing and mostly, it was my Mom. My dad would have told her the sky was purple to make her happy. Hang in there, I have went in my room and locked the door and cried just like a baby. Feeling like I am punished in my own house. So, I know where you are coming from.

Donna, Tomorrow is a better day, Move in day for friend. Don't worry boyfriend will handle mom, sounds like he knows what he's doing better than us.

Cindi, Hope you are o.k. with the anniversary you have had to face. Hope you get through it o.k. You and Donna are the strongest caregivers I know. If I have had to go through what ya'll have, I don't know if I would be taking care of anyone. I think if nothing else, I would have used it as an excuse not to. I am not that kind any more. I don't think I am doing things with a good heart any more.

Love, Marylynne

Judy, i can relate to the problem with a smart tone. My mother uses it all the time with me. Acts as if i am a retarded child. and i feel very sad alternately with very mad. Thanks for the support Marylynne. My mom has mean hateful things to say to him, although he treats her with kid gloves. i still want to run away. I am very tired tonight, just read your latest entries, and decided to respond. Hope you are having a better day tomorrow judy. Maybe mom will lighten up on your dad. I am just thankful that my dad is not around for this punishment. love, donna

this is my 3rd entry today. Just left for 5 min and when I came home My mom was complaining about my Dad. She threatens him and he doesn't want to be in the same room with her, neither do I. Then she complains that he talks back to her and she says she's going to knock him out. I tell her to remember how she speaks to him before she does anything. She says " I can get real mad around this house" in a smart tone and I say you have. He has an excuse if he is hurting, I told her just her feelings are hurt.
Now the evening will be worse then ever, can't wait for my hubby to get home from work. I don't even want to face her now, she is like an evil person. I probably won't converse with her if I ignore her its best. Feeling crappy and very sad. Judy

Hey Judy and Donna:

My day is no better, Mom is a smart @ss when she has no backache. Its a shame when you hope they wake up feeling bad just so you can get along with them.

Donna, Glad you're moving in your boyfriend. He sounds like a truly kind person and hope that makes your life worth living. You deserve it.

Love you girls,

Marylynne

me again, boy its only 12:30 pm and having a hard time coping with dad today. Then Mom gets on his case and makes things worse. His Back is hurting and after trying the heating pad he was still complaining. didn't like the soup for lunch. went to put a pain patch on his back and he got mad because it was cold. I CAN'T WIN TODAY. this is going to be a long day.
And i can already predict what dinner will be like. Hope eveyones day is better then mine Judy

In4zato we all experience hateful words from our mothers especially and you just have to remember that you know what the truth is. My Dad can't see and he has accused my husband or the kids or my mom of taking money and even some possessions. He moves them and them can't remember where. We go rounds and rounds sometimes until we solve the problem.
Well therapy didn't go well this morning, Left the house fine but when we got there he didn't want to cooperate to easy. He claimed he had diarriha didn't mention it til we got there. Had to use the bathroom at therapy and complained thank God it was our last day there. Gave him a new drug last night to help him sleep its actually an anti depressant but relaxes the muscules he claims to have slept 7 hours but we still had the problem this morning.
Have to take him this week for a xray on his back and in two weeks for a nerve check. MORE APPTS !!!!!
Marylynne, my sons are 18 and 15 and I just turned 45 and my husband just turned 43. If any of us died our parents would die soon after because I think it would devistate them and then we would have to take care of them in heaven HA HA i hope not!!!!
Donna, i felt like driving away and never coming back the other day, but I think of my boys and it goes away. Everyone have a wonderful day oxoxoxo Judy

Marylynne hon, you arent going to die, and it sounds like you would be money and problems ahead, if you just put them both in a nursing home or something. Your nerves, like mine are getting the best of you.
I let my significant other, move in with me. he is going to give up his apartment May 1. My mom is livid, but if it wasnt about that, it would be about something else, so, let her be mad. Let her make her sarcastic remarks. I just really dont care. I was so ready to put her in a nursinghome last week, and he said, No, dont do that, I took care of my dad til his death and i will help you with your mom. If she only knew how much he wants to help her, she would be a little nicer. It just isnt inher to be nice tho. I wonder now, if she had remarried when her husband died, would she be happier now? She was widowed at age 43, and never dated or even looked at a man after that, and takes great pride in that fact. To me, that just is not normal. She seems to hate all men (and any one else who is not a blood relation) She was lamenting the other day that she just didnt have any friends, well, to have a friend, you have to be a friend, and she never wanted to have friends, her family was all that was important. When i go to see my best friend, she says,"yall cant even go to the bathroom without each other"......Makes me want to shake her silly. All these hateful mean remarks are driving me nuts. and i like you, hate her so much at times that i just want to run away. If not for her, i could be having a great time, traveling and stuff, but, in my golden years, i have to still be taking care of someone........... so tired of it.... well, enough gripes for this am. have a good day (haha) Donna.

Dear Judy, I know what you mean about going on vacation, hell or high water. I told my husband, he is to take my little girl to the beach, even if its without me. Its true about what we do, we have two sets of bills to pay,two checkbooks to balance, two sets of money to keep track of, medicine to fill for two parents, prescriptions to call in, prescriptions to pick up, doctors to make appts., doctors to call to find out results, doctors visits, physical therapy visits and so on and so on. Then my Mom says, It's not us thats giving you a nervous breakdown. I forgot which one of you girls, I think it was lzy, that said to agree with everything they say. I'm on that kick, seeing if it helps. I live with an upset stomach or pains in my chest just to look at them. I have gotten to the point, I hate them and can't stand to look at them.

This morning my Mom hugged me for the first time in months and said, I don't know what I would do without you and I just thought "hypocrite". She's only nice to me when she feels like being. I know they can't help their situation. But what about mine. The best thing is these people do not want to die. They think of things all day that they could use to make them stronger. Get me this vitamin, get me a colon cleanser, it kept egyptians alive until past 100. If they live till 100, I'll be 66. What if they live past 100. My dad says he staying alive to see my Mom go first, then he will go.

I think thats whats making me sick right now, is the unknown of how much longer I have to do this and If I will die first. I just don't know what to think. How old are your boys Judy? My girls are 20 and 12. And How old are you? My oldest cries and says, she just wants to see me happy. Sounds like Donna's kids.

You want a laugh, I told my girlfriend, because of this addition going up, What would happen if I die and my husband was left with these old people in the addition. My girlfriend said thats for him to worry about you will be dead! He can throw them out and use you life insurance to pay them off for the addition. I said I guess you are right. Why should I worry whats going to happen to them, I'm dead.
Ha! Ha! I guess I would be replaced right a way.

Love ya'll

Marylynne

Marylynne and Judy, thank you both so so much for the comments about wishing them death. I have done the same and felt like a heel. I am so glad that others have the same kind of wicked thoughts. So i am not different than others. and i find myself muttering under my breath quite often, ugly mean things. but dont say them where anyone can hear me. And i feel like begging the doctor to hospitalize her at times. Any thing for a break. I think i am ready to jump at any thing and anyone who makes me a little unhappy. maybe i need to think about asking the doctor for some nerve pills or something to help me. Thank goodness home health will be coming back next week, and although she wont let them do anything they are supposed to do, at least she looks forward to thier visits. Takes the heat off me for a while, although none of them stay more than a few minutes. The aide stays a while and visits with her, but she told the aide that she would be fine, that her daughter gave her bath and she didnt need anyone else. I tried insisting that she let the lady help her with her bath, but of course, it was the wrong time of day, or she wasnt dirty or some other excuse.
sometimes i feel like laughing at the irony of all of this. And, then i want to cry. luv donna

I am new to this site. I started searching the web today after feeling so overwhelmed with the caregiving of my mother-in-law who has lived with us for more than 8 years now. She will be 90 this year and has been a blessing to us in many ways. However, this past year her health has been failing. She has lost a lot of weight, etc. but still gets around pretty good. The problem I am having difficulty dealing with is her accusitions. She constantly believes people are stealing for her (or us). She has accused the gardener of stealing lemons and plants. She has accused a friend of taking her name off of gifts she gave her for her grandchildren and giving it to them as if it was from her. And, most resently she has accused my daugter-in-law of stealing money out of her purse and myself (primary care giver) of going through her closest and selling her things. I know that this is her age, and she is having a lot of difficulty with her short term memory, but I am having a hard time not getting angry and hurt. Does anyone have any suggestions???

Toni, I feel your pain my mom has to use a walker and I know how my day is going to be as soon as I hear the sound. I posted something earlier and I guess it didn't take.
Donna the scouts do camp outs every month and I would love to go for a weekend with them but I am even hesitant to do that. We are planning vacation in July and I am going to do that come **** or high water.
Marylynne, I think the same way I even wish she would go back into the hopsital so I can have some peace. I even thought of disappearing last night, just taking off and not coming back. But I think of my boys and soon that feeling goes away.

Alot of ppl don't realize that we have our own personal problems outside of having to take care of our parents. We have to hold a relationship with our spouses or others, our kids, money, bills and ourselves which we tend to do last if at all. Theres alot more to it then taking our parents to appts. running their errands, cooking and cleaning for them and giving them their meds, writing their bills out,giving them a shower, and sometimes just listening to how they feel and trying to ease the pain. Thats just a fast example of what we are bearing everyday, maybe this will open someones eyes. oxoxoxo Judy in Michigan

Dear Girls, wanted to tell you a little story. Went to the beauty parlor with mom the other day and the girl who owns the shop has a very similar situation as us. I told her when my mom walked off that sometimes I wish under my breath that she dies. She burst out laughing and said. I admire you for admitting that. I was always afraid to tell anyone that I thought that sometimes.

So don't feel bad for thinking things out of frustration. I constantly mumble to myself nasty, horrible things, that I never thought would cross my mouth ever. My little girl says to try to remember her as she was when I was little. I don't want to tell my child, but she was mean and selfish then, but she was a good mother. But, now I see where the selfishness came in...It was always there, she just didn't show it as much when she was younger.

And Toni, Oh My God, I know just what you mean. First off, I feel like vomiting in the morning, when I have to go in the room and check on each one of them. I can't stand the morning. All I look forward to, and its a shame, is going to bed at night.

Love you girls,

Marylynne

Cindi, as always, my heart goes out to u in your day of mourning. I had something near that the 9th of april, when my precious grandson would have turned 20. The only thing you can do there is pray for the strength to make it thru. As with our parents, God will never put on us more than we can bear.
Toni, i had to laugh when i read your comment about the walker. I feel exactly the same way. When she goes to bed at night, i sigh a sigh of relief, and when she gets up in the morning, i feel a little perturbed that my time for myself has ended. Marylynne, I totally agree with you in the fact that i love my mother (at least the mother i used to have), and i want her to have the best possible care, which is why i have done the things i do. I am not all bad, and sometimes i know i say things on this website that makes me sound a little mean, but, as you said, we all have to vent sometime, and it is much better when you vent to someone who totally understands. If you haven't been where we are, you just dont know the difficulties that we endure.
My mind has been on Peg lately, wondering about her situation. anxious to hear from her again. And Shari? are you doing ok? Judy, hope you are doing good too. Beautiful spring weather for the scouting things. I had 4 sons, so i know about scouting events, and they are fun!!!! love to all of u, Donna

Good Morning Everyone,
Since my computer is downstairs it’s hard for me to get as often as I would like. I must say that I believe you all have me beat for dr. appts. My mother usually goes every six weeks, so I guess I am lucky that way. Now the pharmacy is a different story-I seem to be there about 3 times a week! Lucky for me it is only up the street.

As far as being critized by different people, lately it is only family-not my husband or kids just my sisters. They are always telling me what to do and say to my mother, but like I said before—if you don’t do it 24/7 then you have no right to make a comment-unless it is on a positive note. He primary doctor has been wonderful with me and he takes the time to listen to me vent all of the time. I see him see so much that he seems like a family member.

I told my husband the other day that I am to the point that I hate the sound of her walker, and I know that sounds horrible, but when I hear it first thing in the morning that means my day has begun.

Cindi-I hope the next few days get better for you. I will be thinking of you and your family!

By the way I live in New York
Toni

Lzy, I don't agree that Grn was trying to lift our spirits. I felt she was judging us.

I think lzy is entitled to her opinion. However, like Donna said it is too much to criticize us and adding insult to injury compare us to our Mothers! What do you want to be verbally lashed? Now, I do understand that being our Mother's children some of these traits may have transferred over to us unconsciously of course ( ha ha) but to say that we are just like our mothers, well I just don't think that was warranted or nice in fact it was mean!

A little sad tonight as I think about my family...husband, daughter, and son whose birthday will be the 30th. I miss him greatly and wonder where it all went wrong and how. It is going to be a hard next few days.

Marylynne, tomorrow I take my dad to get his blood drawn. So combined mom and dad it will be 13 times to medical appts this month.

Donna, It is true how no one can know until they have their parent or parents full time. I thought it was bad when they lived in their own house. My neighbor who had a live in mother-in-law warned me about the difference. Was she ever right. I took my mom to the mall yesterday to look at a refrigerator for her apartment, she did not make it through half the store without complaining. I walk slow as a snail also, to make sure she stays with me. If she separates from me just an isle or so, she starts calling me, like I went off and left her. She is afraid just like a little child and she has some of her good sense. I think that old lady that lived with her daughter was the best. I don't expect my parents to be perfect, but any niceity will do.

Today, my mom had stomach trouble, she took imodium, a bentyl, which is a cramp reliever, an equagesic, which is a nerve pill, her regular nerve pills, and wanted to take more. So wonder she can hardly get around. I don't know how she makes it.

I look at it like this, if we are all giving up our lives and ourselves to do this, not matter how much complaining we do, to be able to accomplish our goals, it shows that we love and care for our parents. shame on anyone who thinks anything different. so what if we have to vent in order to do it. thank god for you girls and this website. i would have already went over the deep end.

Love to you Donna, Cindi, Judy, and all the new friends. Marylynne