My mother has lived with us for 3 years now. She has her own apartment downstairs with a private entrance. She has severe hearing loss and hearing aids do not help much. She has a curvature in her spine, but was fine until she fell over 3 years ago and now does not trust her legs to hold her up. She has all but completely withdrawn from any interaction with the outside world. She will go to the grocery store weekly, but not much of anywhere else. My husband and I ask her continuously to go places with us, but she refuses. She uses her hearing as an excuse. She is afraid of everyone who comes to our house, and will leave the room if anyone comes over. She sets in the dark most times and does not talk to anyone except the dog. I'm an only child. I don't know what to do to help her. Should I try to contact her doctor and talk with them about how she chooses complete isolation?
Happy Easter to you, too, Hilde.
The nurse said she does not even miss it or ask for it. So I feel ok with that right now. I understand theyre end of it. When the police called. She also called someones house repeatedly. They filed a harrassement witht he police. I can not believe it. But we would be mad too if someone called repeatedly. So it will turn out ok , hopefully. It just seems to be the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. But thanks to you I feel somewhat better.
Happy Easter to you and everyone here. Hilde
The whole phone thing still makes my stomach turn. My mom's phone in the nursing home was her "lifeline." But she didn't remember when she'd called me, so she would call over and over (thankfully, not 911). I got so I would answer the first two calls, and then let it go to voicemail. She would get confused and stop for awhile. I visited everyday and the nursing home called me about anything at all. It was self-protection.
My dad wanted a phone but couldn't use one. I tried "fake" phones, but of course that didn't work. All of it was very painful.
Your mother is going to be very upset for awhile. You'll have to accept that and deal with it. Eventually, she'll forget about it, but it will take time. My heart is with you.
It takes time to get used to having help caring for your mom or dad. Since you've found a very good nursing home, she is actually getting better care, and you can visit her refreshed and ready for a nice conversation (well, as nice as it can be), without spending all of your time on care.
She will continue talking about "going home" for a long time, but as her dementia continues, she may actually be talking about her childhood home. So, diverting her when you can is likely your only option. The main thing is, drop the guilt. You did all you could and more. You need to take care of yourself.
Where they tried to work with her to get her back to near normal. But now has dementia. So now she is there to stay. I did take care of her for a lot of years. She is 88 years old. I have contracted non hodgkins lymphoma. And all the other siblings of mine work. I did it for many years without help. So now I am tired and wore out. I love my Mother and it bothers me, but like the dr. said she cannot live at home alone at all anymore. My partner of many years and I have a condo. and it is small. So living with me is out. My mom is a good lady but just set in her way. Sh is not the easiest person to care for. Well one thing I do know she is in a good place they care for her wonderfully. So hope it gets easier for me. It just is not easy. She talks about going home every day. So we just kind of ignore it. She does not remember if you have been there an hour earlier.
Thanks for listening. I'm just a little frustrated.
I feel I'm at my wit's end. His father has taken over my dog. HE feeds her from the table, she sleeps in his room and of course he spends most of the day with him. I work full time as an elementary teacher. Last night, I told my dog to go outside with the other dogs and he said, "Just leave her alone" in a mean tone. I just held my tongue and walked into my bedroom. I'm just tired of this kind of treatment. I feel he is a woman hater and on top of that Im Native American and he is Hispanic.
I tried talking to my husband about it and he told me that he's just like that. We ended up getting into an argument. I know my husband is use to this type of treatment. My mother in law divorced my father in law ten years ago. It was due to domestic violence. I feel I don't need to have this type of treatment either. Any suggestions would help. Thank you.
The amazing thing about this is: i was once a professional home care nurse. I loved old people and couldnt understand how their children could be so cruel to them. hahahahahaha now i know. and i was like the other lady, had all kinds of good advice for giving people who were caring for thier elderly parents. LET ME TELL YOU. SHUT UP IF YOU HAVENET BEEN THERE. it is no damned fun. i feel like i am in prison.
I have been sick for 3 months, doctor tells me that a lot of my problem is depression, from dealing with the mean old witch. i know it is. i can hardly wait for her to be gone. now if that sounds bad, good. i meant for it to.I am entirely too sick to worry about this old hag. i am 64. she is 91, and she brags to people all the time that she will out live me and makes me so mad. unnatural old witch. most people dont want to outlive their kids, but she does. i hate her.
Don't feel guilty for doing your best. Remember these are adults who feel as though they are losing control. Some adults handle it with more graciousness and some fight to the death, but still choices are choices. Sometimes you as the caregiver have to give the options in order to let those who you are caring for make a choice that you can live with.
Also don't feel bad about dreading on going home or dealing with something. It is especially hard to face dealing with what's necessary when a person challenges you at every step. You just have to hold your head high, thank God for the ability to do and provide, and move on.
We're here for you and you aren't alone... we all feel like this frequently.
This morning my mother started the toaster oven on fire. It was a good thing my son noticed it when he did. I had nightmares about this very thing cause before being hospitalized my mother was independent. She is able to take care of herself in the hygiene department and still can walk unassisted, but her judgement has diminished. I had to start back to work again last week and had argued the point with my husband that I can't leave her alone. He felt if I was out of work any longer we would begin to struggle financially. He seems to think she is able body. I explain to him that he is not with her all day and doesn't know what goes on. My two daughters and I are the only ones that know what's going on. She thinks that just because she isn't bedridden she is ok.
I have a struggle on my hands. I describe her as a toddler-because she gets into everything-with a teenager's attitude. She insists on washing dishes, but isn't able to clean them thoroughly. I use the excuse for her not to do them because she shouldn't be standing in one place too long. The same with the laundry. I end up having to refold and separate the clothes. There are five of us here besides my mom-when I fold the clothes I do so according to who they belong to and will they be hung or put in dresser. I've explained this to some people like my neigbors or co-workers. Unfortunately none have been in this same situation and say I should let her do something so she can feel useful. They don't understand that with all I have to do, having to re-do a chore is just too much for me. I don't want to tell her she is doing things wrong cause I have her sometimes people go into a depression. Has anyone had to go through this and what do I tell her?
I'm a skilled in home caregiver and have been for well over 25 years.If your having this many problems with the caregivers taking care of your mom they need to be replaced. Period call their boss-office and let them know of this. The reason I go in to homes and do this type of care is to relief the family of stress. There isn't any reason for your mom to be calling you this much unless the people caring for her are not doing there job. Alzheimer patient have a hard time cooperating in the mornings this is nothing unusually. As the last thing they recall if anything is the last thing they did prior to falling asleep. I can also suggest you change you number,only give to the head supervisor who is handling the caregivers or remove the phone from the home all together. These numerous calls to are very typical of Alzheimer patients. Caregivers should be loving and be able to stop these calls to you.
I am not being mean. I am looking out for your well being as well as your mother's.
People with this disease just want to call whenever they feel they are lose their ability to care for themselves. Which is unfortunately almost always. The control as well as the mean issue is also a big part of this horrible disease. Whether it was this way prior to the onset or not. Just off the the top of my head "so to speak" the caregivers are talking way to much to your mother and trying to get her to do things she no longer comprehends. Mom needs to be put on a schedule and have limited use of things in her home and cared for with compassion. In turn you and your family should be able to visit and enjoy what time there is left with her.
Please notify the franchise you employed and alert them of this situation. If you don't get any satisfaction please find another company that services loved ones in their homes with Alzheimer's. Blessings
girl its murphy's law well I suppose your husband is in the hospital for several days take advantage and get your surgery done while you don't have to deal with taking care of him. Than when you feel better you can pick up where you left off with limitations I am sure. If your husband keeps this up he may have to go to a facility as well. sometimes we just don't have any control over stuff. you are in our prayers as is you husband
Love and Hugs
3 hrs ago
Write on Wall
Cindy dear I have been concerned how you are doing after surgery and hope you are ok- if you get this please let me know you are a good friend and I worry about
I am glad you are getting to have the surgery. must mean that you are doing well with weight loss. Of course i will be thinking of u and you will be in my prayers. Hope things go well when you come home. my life is the same. my mom never changes, i change tho, as i become more bitter each day. my life has no joy in it anymore. love to all,Donna