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How about offering to go with and provide support? That is how I would handle it.
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It wouldn't be selfish for you to say something (and your aren't selfish), but it sounds to me that it could be abit dangerous for you to say something at this point in time, because its coming to the very end of his caring role it seems, and emotions could be raw. Instead of actually saying something about the situation right now (and pointing out the obvious); how about taking a different tack and saying something like "I think you need a break from caring - its not good for you to go so long without a break - let's go out for dinner or lunch, or whatever, or a drive".   Maybe he needs some guidance from you - that he needs a break.  If he agrees, go out and enjoy yourself.  Don't say anything about missing him (putting pressure on... just be with him).  If he says he can't, leave it at that... and perhaps after the dust has settled; after his uncle has passed away - some time down the track, perhaps bring up at that point (after emotions aren't so raw) your perceptions of how he handled the situation, aka, that he hasn't been balanced in sharing himself around - but do it carefully as it sounds like he's heavily invested in the care of his uncle.  Who knows why... but he obviously felt he had to be there.  Maybe down the track, you'll find out why.  Its also worth considering that you are also grieving, and no wonder you feel like you could use some support yourself - and he isn't around - so this feeling of not being supported is amplified.  Sending hugs.
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I'm going out on a limb here---my DH is a "hands off" kind of guy....but when his uncle, with whom he was NOT close, was placed in a NH and we were told he had a few months to live--DH was up there (45 minute drive) all the time! And he'd stay for hours!!

It was guilt, in his case, pure and simple. He had neglected his own father when he was dying by just ignoring the situation and letting me do all the caring--and his dad passed, and DH fell apart. He was not ready.

Perhaps your partner is feeling similar anxiety? If my DH had given the care to his own father, I doubt he would have made more than a couple of visits to uncle (who BTW, was totally "gone" mentally and didn't recognize anyone when he was moved to the NH. This was all my DH's way to atone for not being around when his dad was dying.

You say he is an all or nothing kind of guy? Well, this shows that he is. That could be YOU he's caring for---I know when/if I get "to the end" my DH will not do a single thing towards my care. He is just not made that way.

At some point you will have to talk to him about this. Your relationship is not 'new and fresh'-- I'd cut him some slack.

Good Luck.
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i don't think you're selfish. It sounds as if he's abandoned your relationship for his uncle (not his mom or dad but an uncle??). It's very strange. And regardless of how over-burdened he may be or how torn apart he is over the impending death of his uncle if he wanted to talk to you he would call. But he doesn't. And you're right to wonder why.
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I felt like it would be really selfish to tell him I need him when his uncle is dying. I didn't expect it to be as long as it has been - nearly nine months not the six I said before as it started in March. And now it is actually drawing near the end I have said to him I need to at least hear from him throughout the day. That I don't hear from him for such long periods of time that I get afraid he has changed his mind about us. We've been together for two and a quarter years and it doesn't seem long enough to withstand something as big as this separation.

He is a very all or nothing kind of person. It's comforting to read that I'm not pure selfish that I miss him so much. My pop died from the same thing in August, days after we found out, so I didn't realise how differently it would affect his uncle who has been bedridden for so long.

We don't share the same doctor and I don't know how to put it to him but I will consider your words and maybe I'll find a way to have this discussion.
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He's neglecting his relationship with you. Those are the facts. I think its reasonable for you to be asking these questions. I think he's suffering with a case of "all or nothing" and not being able to balance his life. Has he always been like this? He is at risk of damaging the relationship with you - if he hasn't already. There are others around helping, so he actually doesn't need to be there 24/7. For some reason, he doesn't know how to find the balance. Can you speak to your doctor about this? Do you share a doctor? Perhaps the doctor can gently help to guide your husband back to a balanced life pointing out his neglect of you. He has more than one committment right now. You are part of that.
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Of course you need him. And since there are so many family members to share the load, it seems very odd that he can't/won't make more time for you. And staying on after his uncle dies, to keep his auntie company? Who does he think is going to keep you company?

There is something very off in this picture. Lots of red flags, I'm afraid.

Do you ever have enough time together for serious talks about your future?
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