Advice on how to cope. How do I support my partner while I'm feeling so neglected?

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My wonderful partner is caring for his terminal elderly uncle, alongside his uncle's wife and son. Other relatives are also involved in caring for uncle's needs as he wants to be at home.


It was over six months ago that they got the diagnosis and almost straight away around the clock care started for uncle.


We go days without seeing each other, or even speaking, because my partner stays there totally involved in it all.


I am struggling to understand his dedication to someone he wasn't very close to. I was supportive (I still am but I'm so shut out of his life I'm starting to fall apart) but it's been so long, and even when he's gone my partner thinks he'll stay there with aunty to keep her company.


His cousin lives in the cottage next door so is always there and does most of the personal care and medications.


How do I support my partner while I'm feeling so neglected? How do I put my feelings aside so I can be the for him? Is it normal to feel so hurt that he's so totally engrossed with his family?


And yes, I do feel totally selfish asking these questions. I'm trying to find ways to cope with the loneliness of not being around my partner for so long. We see each other every three or four days for lunch, or a quick hug in passing, or a quick phone call. And I miss him so much and feel so selfish that I need him when I'm not the person who's dying.

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Thanks :-) its good to hear that the support was so helpful :)
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I just read through everything and I wanted to thank all of you for your advice and sympathy. 

I don't want to be one of those fly bys but I don't have an elderly person I'm caring for either. But maybe I'll swing by again if things get rough in the aftermath. 

I was so blessed to read your thoughts. And it was very distracting reading about career's cats and favourite things too. 

You're an incredible, and lovely, bunch of people doing the most difficult job amazingly. 

I can't thank you enough 💜
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Those are such kind words. I haven't really done much, the most doing thing is I keep his aunty in a constant supply of pastry danish treats, but it's messed with my head being on the outside and isolated from him. He's really made a complete turnaround the last couple of weeks staying in touch. Amazing man ❤

And he is going to come home tonight!!!!!!
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Hope so. Its been a hard journey for you, but you did really well :-)
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I didn't know them well. They're not a friendly lot and my other half only introduced me not long before this all started. So I'm fine...happy that he's not suffering anymore.

Thank you though and I hope when the dust settles my other half can separate himself from them enough to start living again.
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RIP. Yes, that's so special that your man was holding his hand. Very special. Hope you are ok.
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He passed away two hours ago. My other half got to hold his hand. I think that's beautiful for them both.
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Today I had to go to the Dr and one of the tests shows iron levels are low. My partner came with me which I didn't expect as they're on the final (final) watch. He said something which helped raise my spirits: he said to the Dr that he hasn't been home for a while to cook but hopes to be home again soon, and then he asked if the Dr had any ideas on foods he could cook to help.

He's hoping to be home soon!!!! It won't be soon but he's thinking about it!

I'm lonely blah wah wish this whole thing could end.
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I have filled my spare moments over the past couple of days, and if you could call making pasta for my friend philanthropic then I can tic that box off too, but mostly I watched a movie.

I'm missing him so much.

Uncle is still surviving. There's nothing I can do for my partner because I don't see him for more than a moment here or there. I'm in a better frame of mind today. Thank you for that advice.
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Barb has a very good suggestion for you. Divert your attention from these things. Go and volunteer somewhere. Take your mind off of it. If you don't - this will go round and round and become toxic for you. Remember, you have done nothing wrong. You just need to take control of your own mind - the best way to do that is as Barb says, occupy yourself - with something else. In other words, give yourself some respite from this situation.
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