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She has been through two rough surgeries for colon infection and there is indication they would like to do a third. She is fully mentally aware but speech is affected by a recent stroke and she requires 24-hour care. She is tired and said she does want a feeding tube, ventilator, or another surgery (though this is not in writing). My question is - should we push her to have the third surgery that could possibly save her life or should we step back at this point and let her go in peace? I don't want to give up on what could be a correctable condition.

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katiekat2009 - do you mean that she does "NOT" want to be placed on a feeding tube, ventilator or surgery? If she does want it, why would you deny it. But if she does "NOT" want it, it basically falls on morals. Could you live with yourself if you let someone die that didn't want to or have to die? It sounds like she is still cognizant to decide this for herself. But, if she loses her mental faculties, such as severe Alz/Dementia, and develops another infection, AND has no quality of life left (bedridden, unable to speak, etc.), then I would check into Hospice, which is what we have done with my mother-in-law who has several medical problems but especially gets urinary tract infections. She has built up a resistant to almost every antibiotic over the years. She has told us for a couple of years that she just wants to die. We kept fighting it but feel it is now time to let her go peacefully - which is why we called Hospice.
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Update since earlier note - apparently the infection has cleared enough that she can be discharged from the hospital and sent to rehab. I would still like to know if anyone has denied surgical intervention in lieu of letting someone go peacefully.
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