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After putting it off for far too long, we went for a visit yesterday. LOVELY Place, lovely CNA's and lots of fun elderly gents for mom to play with. They care for approx 25 people so it's a small group setting. Heck, I wanted to start attending!

Get mom there, built her up for a fun visit...she was all happy n smiles but good grief when we walked through the door it was as if Satan personally invaded her body and not one of his other flunkies. She proceeded to tell the poor lady who was doing the intake visit, every nasty thing she could think of concerning me.. Oh my heavens she even threatened to get a knife and secretly take care of "us" or better yet, she'd just grab the steering wheel and kill us both this way that "bitch" (me) wouldn't get a damn cent from her. We finally got mom to at least look around the place and talk to a few people.... the elderly guys in there where so funny and FUN!... not to mention very flirty and I just know mom would have a BLAST talking to them!!....Several of the ladies where loads of fun also.... got to get her agreeable to attend a few days a week!!

I get she's scared, I get she's not in control of her outbursts and emotions... I get it's the disease but boy oh boy is it hard at times to believe it. She can mention "the boys" so lovingly and turn so venomous towards me.

The facility gave me a DVD on AD and care giving. The Senior Gems/Senior Helpers/ Teepa Snow. It's an awesome video and I love the way she breaks Alzheimers down using different Gems. Totally easy to understand and makes so much sense. It helped put yesterdays fiasco into perspective.

Tomorrow both brothers are coming by to help with the Day Care issue. Personally since she loves them so much I think it would be a great idea if THEY took her to the next visit. She would be more receptive of day care...especially if it came from them. Hmmm...

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Jeanette-
What if you told her she has been going for years as one of your white lies. My mom does not ever remember being there before, but has actually been going for 2.5 years now. So, in the car I remind her that she has been going for a very long time, she has lots of friends there, and fun things to do.
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Thanks girls!

Without a doubt mom would love it and probably be in charge of the entire place within a week along with having several guy friends. It is just the way she is and has always been. It's the "getting her to go" part that's gonna be tricky. Wednesday or Thursday we are going back for a few hours (fingers crossed).

Minor anxiety is an understatement of her behavior last week. Fear swiftly turned into hatred, then somewhat subsided to barely being able to tolerate me and the facility director. At that point it isn't worthy trying to convince her it's just for a few days a week and NO ONE is putting her in a home. Even if I tell her those little white lies on the way there, she forgets as soon as I tell her... so by the time we arrive I've lied to her and tricked her... SIGH. If I can get her to just try it for a few hours.... if....only...

All of the things we as care givers have to overlook or let roll off our backs, suck up our hurt and emotions is draining.

Sometimes I feel like I am the one going insane. Probably am.
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She may have some minor anxiety issues that the MD can address. It's pretty common for a senior to resent the closest caregiver and blame them for their loss of freedom. I agree, send her with the boys. If she thinks they have good ideas, she will approach it from a more positive angle.
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Jeanette, I expect she will love it. I don't know how bad her memory is but my Mom's is GONE. If I were to tell her where I was taking her each morning she would either go back to bed (for 5 or 10 minutes until she forgot why she was there) or out and our refuse to go. Each morning I tell her that we have an appointment then that story changes in the car. Don't be surprised if Mom develops a strong friendship with one of the men in the program, it happens often. Since so many adult children are upset by this I thought I would offer my take on this. My Mom has been married to a high school boyfriend for eight years. But she does not remember that most of the time. She is a flirt with some of the men in her program and they love the attention. There was a man that she developed a relationship with to the point that she would sometimes get upset when that man's wife picked him up, thinking she had been dumped. It is a normal human need to have close friends. Some facilities will even perform a joining ceremony of sorts, not at all legally binding, the whole purpose of these is to provide a sense of well being.

Are you starting her in the program this next week? Be patient, use therapeutic white lies to get her there, you most likely will need to. ENJOY the time you will have to yourself!
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