Adding a second EPOA-sibling jealousy.


Just after some advice. Id like to add my name on mum papers as enduring poa. My sister (younger) had her sign epoa papers with just her name as mum seemed to be off with me-i now know why. Its been the dementia. My sister is very controlling and emotionally unpredictable (she did punch me in the head once for not listening to her advice the way she waned). She is executor of the will and is not in a caring role for mum at all. Im finding it very expensive to drive mum around,cook her meals and take her out. Some days mum wants to shout the world coffee and other days she pretends she forgot her purse. I cant ask mum to reimburse me as she gets suspicious im taking her money. I asked my sister if she could transfr $500 (for a year) so i could cover mums costs without struggling and she said no. Apparently when putting mum in aged care they will ask for 6 mths worth of back statements and will question transfers and unusual withdrawls. She has a spare keycard and im not allowed to use this to buy mums food when i do shopping for her. So the short of it is how do i add my name to the enduring poa papers without the process of court (which i simply wont do)

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Jeannegibbs-sorry should have added this to my last post. Spot on-no more tiptoeing. Such a timely reminder for myself to do what i feel is right and what i know helps mum. This is a wonderful forum and so grateful for the info I've found.

Thnx freqflyer. I expected there wasnt much i could do. Never mind. Its more important to focus on mum than anthing legal that is already in place and cause rifts in an already volatile family. X

Nikki, on another post you wrote "Mum did not do well on spacial or cognitive testing". The rules are the same here in the States as in your country, I assume it is Australia or New Zealand as said countries have the Enduring Power of Attorney.....unfortunately, your Mom cannot chance her Power of Attorney.

You can't add your name to the POA document. Only your mother can do that, and only if she has not been declared incompetent. But mother could do it easily. Does she want you on the document?

I'm not sure that would solve your problem, though. If there is more than one name as primary POA, all persons named have to agree to all actions. Why would your sister be more agreeable if your name is on a document?

Are you in the US? Medicaid looks for any unusual transfers, etc. in the last 5 years. They may look closely at recent bank statements. BUT even Medicaid does not expect people to live on thin air. They expect the applicants have been paying for their groceries, their rent, eating out, buying clothes, etc. Those are not "unusual" transfers.

If Mom can afford to pay her way, that is what she should be doing. Stop spending your own money on things she can afford to pay for. She wants to go out to eat? "Sorry, Mom, I can't afford it this week." It is time for grocery shopping? "I'll need about $50 for this list, Mom." If this makes her suspicious of you, so be it.

I don't think the issue here is about who has EPOA. It is about fairness. Stop being afraid of sis's opinion and mother's suspicions. Simply stop spending your own money for things mother can and should pay for.

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