She is an absolutely wonderful mom. Was and is "the best" That being said, she is 89 years old and has many problems and requires lots of care. I have three siblings close by but none of them ever offer to help or give me a break for a day so that I can kind of rejuvenate. Am I being selfish? It makes me feel bad because I sometimes wish I had a little freedom. I don't regret my decision for even a second but I do feel very selfish because I want to get out once in awhile.

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Thank you so much. If nothing else, it made me feel less selfish. No, it was totally "my dream" to bring her home. The other 3 were right here near her the whole time and it wasn't their dream. They visited and brought her special meals occassionally but did not accept the "responsibility" of bringing her home. That was "totally my" dream. I should not have any negative feelings toward them for that. I got my sis to stay with her while I went "out of state" for 3 weeks to visit kids. I really had to work for this but it happened. My brothers are not the kind of people to be able to take care of her (nor are their wives) so I really and truly do understand. I know that I can't expect everyone to feel the same way that I do but that being said, my mother has been an absolute 'DREAM OF A MOTHER" and 'STILL IS". She is so appreciative of every little thing. She's a "GIFT FROM GOD". Older people require lots of work. Just like little children in some ways. BUT I AM BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE AND I THANK GOD EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THIS BLESSING!
Thanks for your help jeannegibbs. Much love coming your way!

Of course you want to get out once in a while. And you need to. I am sure that you worked very hard to move your mother home. There are more details you have to work at to make this the "dream come true" you want it to be. Once of them is to arrange for regular respite care. This is not really optional. You must get some time to yourself, time to rejuvenate.

Do not wait for your sibs to volunteer. If you want them to take Mother for a day now and then, bring it up with them and try to work out a specific schedule.

Bring it up. Ask them. Do not expect them to read minds. But also be prepared for them to say, "No." Getting Mom out of the nursing home was your dream. Perhaps it wasn't theirs. Did they promise that they would help when she came home? Did you ask them before you made this huge change how much they were willing to participate? If they had no say in the arrangements they may not feel obligated to make the new situation work.

If one or more of them says yes to your request to provide care for Mom and respite for you, hooray, that is part of the need solved. If what they agree to isn't enough, make other arrangements. Bring in regular outside care. Enroll Mom in a senior day program. Contact your local agency on aging to discover other options.

You are not being selfish. You are being realistic. Figuring out how to get respite should have been part of your plan to bring Mother home, but, alas, few of us understand that when we are making plans. You worked hard to bring her home. This is just one more piece of work you need to do. Arrange for regular respite care, for brief periods throughout the week and for longer periods occasionally. It is all part of seeing that Mother has the best care possible.

Good luck!

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