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A year ago my mom passed away from cancer. It's getting close to the anniversary (December) and I'm still grieving. I cry every day and I feel so very depressed and guilty that I could not have helped her more. I stopped seeing the psychiatrist a few months ago - should I go back? What can I do to stop this horrible feeling?

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Tina,

First off i would like to say i am so sorry for your loss and that time does heal . if people say oh get over it she is dead dont you worry because its okay to grieve for logn periods of time . dont worry about feeling bad you will me okay . i know my grandgather is dying of cancer now ,, he is loosing his motor functions and his head and i cry daily sometimes more thain that . i know that he is going to a better place and everything god does is for a reason. i dont know if you are religious but if you are than god will always be there for you and everything takes time to heal . youll be ok and i wish you welll . best of luck in your predicament and have a wonderful day

- Nicole
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I lost my mother when I was 15 yrs old. It was harder to get over her death more than it was my dad's when he died 10 years later. I think it may have been because I was so young. If I think about them too much the pain comes back. I don't go to the grave like I use to. I feel like they are not there but with our Father in heaven. Maybe you shouldn't go so often. Instead I put them on findagrave.com - You can add pictures in there. I wrote poems for them too. This way you can go to the web sight and leave a note and pictues of flowers. You can join and put your loved ones in there. I find that was much better. Also you can plant a tree, flowers or bushes in your yard for them. I think you will find this is a much faster way of healing. God bless you!
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darling my mom passed 7 yrs ago and i still grieve they say it gets better and i dnt see how i cry allthe time when i am by my self.. i go to the cememntary alot i used to go 3 times a week but now i go every sat now my dad it with her and it hurts so much you thin you oarents will be here forever i lost my mom through a car wreck with my dad he lived though so god kept one here with us but i still grieved for her all the time
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Tina,
I will pray for you,
.
as said before ,keep your mind busy,only allow short periods
to think of your mom,,take walks.Join in fun activities.
remember,we will all be together someday with our love ones.

Judy
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Tina,
I completely understand the pain you are experiencing, I lost my Dad October 4, 2005. The anniversary will be here very shortly and it still brings sadness. There is no specific grieving time frame that is to be followed, if you feel you need to cry, then cry. If in a year from now, you need to cry, CRY. It is part of the (healing?) process, I call it more of a coping process. You never HEAL from the loss of a loved one, but during the temporary separation period that is called "death" you do learn to remember them with more of a smile on your face than the need to feel sadness and regret. We ALL go through this, the loss of loved ones seems to much to bear. But we DO get through it and we DO find a sense of contentment. You do not need to go to a psychiatrist, talk with close friends or family members about it. Allow yourself to grieve and however long it takes, it WILL get easier. Just keep in mind people here on this website do truly care and are here to encourage you.
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Tina,I know exactly how your feeling.I lost my mom a year ago due to cancer..I still have gulit that I couldnt help.I live in North Dakota and she lived in Texas..I flew home to spend the last few weeks with her but it still wasnt enough..I cry and have so much anger with everyone around me..even my husband..No one will ever understand that I lost my best friend.My mom was only 62 when she passed away..I know I need help but also scared to let my feelings out..I support you Tina..
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grandnana,
Without fear of having people think I am a little over the edge my grandmother came to me several months after she passed, in a dream. I was twenty three and refused to sit at her bedside as she passed. My step grandfather would make her cry when I would come and I could not bear it. Grandmother was very arthritic, her hands were twister and her knees would swell so much that the knee cap would move out of place. She went into heart failure, maybe from all the medications. I felt so guilty for so long, I, up until she got sick had been with her everyday, she even lived with us for a while. My mother was one of 13 children and the only one who would take care of my grandmother which put her own family life on hold. We never went anywhere or did anything as mom took care of an elderly lady and grandma. A lot of the housework and taking care of my sisters fell to me. I let the guilt of not being with grandma when she died eat me up. Then one night she came to me, she was young and not arthritic and happy and told me that she had not wanted to go but she was really happy and didn't hurt anymore and that she would not come back even if she could. That she loved me and wanted me to stop feeling guilty. I have never felt those guilt feelings since. She is in a better place. I don't know for sure if she came to me or if my own conscious kicked in. God bless all those on this site.
jasonsmom
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13 years i reported my dad missing. They found him dead, i went through the guilty why didn't i, i should have done more stage. I went to grieve counseling and relized that there is a difference between times that we grieve for accidents and illness. My life was changing for the worse. My dad visited me believe it or not and he told me llife has to go on. Nothing will change why one dies for whatever reason. But what we can change is the rest of our lives that we will spent on earth. I still miss dad everyday but the grieve is getting easier by allowing it a time limit, and the rest of the grieving time is to remember and living everyday like our loved ones would want! God Bless You
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Don't feel guilty. Your mom loved you and wouldn't want you to feel like that. I am a mom and I wouldn't want my kids to feel guitly about anything they did or didn't do.

My mom died when I was 15 years old. I felt guilty because I had to help her before I went to school. I never saw her again she died that day. That stayed with me for a long time. But I know she forgave and I ask God to forgive me too. So let your heart heal and know that one day you will see her again.
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...death is not a failure, everyone dies, it's part of the process of life.
When someone we love dies, the mourning process takes at least one year, so we need to give ourselves that space.
It's difficult to go through all the holidays and seasons, so be very gentle with yourself and let yourself grieve, and there are no rules, so don't make any for yourself.
Let yourself cry. You want to give your feelings an outlet. You can't pretend it doesn't hurt. Nature has given us feelings to get us through certain experiences and to deny them causes more pain... You have to take care of yourself the best you can, and I know it's not easy, so if psychiatrist did help you, maybe you can go and see him again
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The loss of a mother is a awful thing to go through. But have no regrets she is happy and is at her final home. I think God is your answer. Put all of your heartache on him and have him carry it for you. My mother died when I was 15 years old. She was such a sweet person and everyone loved her.

It may sound silly but sit down and write to her. Tell her how you feel. How much you miss her and love her. Believe me she already knows.

But with time it will get better, I promiss you. My friend just lost her daughter a year ago and I have spent a lot of time talking with her. But we believe in God and trust him that he has taken good care of her. When God reaches out his hand to you that is all it takes. You want to go with him. So the day you mom died that is what happen, she was at the end of her life and she wanted to be with the Lord. Remember your mom isn't gone but she has just stepped out of sight for a while, and you will see her again. That is a promise by our Father.
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I also too lost a brother to a tragic car accident. It takes a long time to get over the loss and deal with the grief. You will find happiness again - just take one day at a time.
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Hi Tina, if you are part of a church, ask for prayer about this - I believe that God wants to heal your pain and give you Joy for Ashes. If you do not already belong to a church, I suggest you find one near you. The friends and fellowship of a good church is like finding a great big family. Lots of love to you, God Bless You.
Christine
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Tina, I don't claim to know anything about your situation, but I don't think we ever get over losing someone we love. Please stop feeling guilty for something you could not stop. Cancer is a terrible thing and a terrible curse on someone. I'll bet you did everthing you could do for your mom. I lost my son a year ago and the guilt about drove me insane, what could I have done to stop this. He was killed in a car crash and the one thing that haunted me was, if I had not moved to another state, if I had not asked him to go with us, if, if, if... I think we all blame ourselves for things that are taken from our control. Believe it or not, it will get easier if you give yourself a break. And ask yourself, would your mom want you to put yourself through this pain and guilt. She would probably tell you to move on with your life and she knew you loved her. I still cry, I still mourn and probably will the rest of my life but I remember there are other members of my family and friends who need me to be strong, they also have lost. If a support group helps, by all means, continue with what works. As for me, I am so blessed to have found this site and the wonderful people who have listened to my loss, a loss we all share in some way. God bless, you are in our prayers.
jasonsmom
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I am so sorry for your loss. Time is a healer of all wounds and I know one day you will get over this. For now, if you are still depressed often then I would recommend going to a psychiatrist again.

Good luck!
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Dear Tina,
My youngest brother, who I was very close to and saw and talked to daily, died unexpectedly three years ago. I went into a terrible depression. The sadness was indescribable. I couldn't get away from it. Listening to music made me cry, reading books didn't help, movies, TV, everything made me sad because my brother wasn't here anymore to enjoy such things. It seemed so unfair.
My health went downhill. I lost a lot of weight because I couldn't eat. My Dr. prescribed Prozac. I have to say, that I just had to go though the process, and it took quite a while to finally be able to get over that aching breaking of my heart. Over a two year period it slowly lessened, and now, although I sometimes still have a cry because I miss him so much...which is a good release, I can finally enjoy my life without feeling guilty, and I can think about my brother with warm happy thoughts rather than being brought to my knees with sadness.
So, the old adage that TIME heals, is true, but hard to get through. Stay as busy and occupied with things as possible.
Love, prayers, and hugs to you. You'll be better. You WILL!
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Hi Tina
You must have been very close to your mom and there is no time limit for grief. We all handle it differently. I am very close with my mom who is 88 and I am grieving already because as she ages I realize she will not be here forever. Maybe joining a support group or going for counseling would help. Also, a medication may help you feel better. Be sure and go for counseling as they will help you with the process of grief. Know that you are not alone either. My thoughts are with you.
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Hi TinaJ, we all know how you feel. But there are wonderful people here to give you lots of hugs and support. Read what I posted to your wall.
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