This is, I guess you could call it, a saga of my journey after losing my soul mate and the love of my life. I hope this may help someone else going through the same thing.
Well a new chapter in my life is beginning and I am so sad that I will not be able to share it with my honey, Steve, who was the love of my life and my soulmate. As you probably know Steve passed away last Friday morning (11/16/18) at 2:15am.
These last few days have been a blur as I guess you could say I am still in a fog (or in shock). I sat with Steve from Thursday at 11:00am until he passed at 2:15am on Friday and then was at the hospital until 4:30am. The doctors and nurses were wonderful. I asked the nurses if they had any coffee and they said none on the floor and I would have to go to another floor. I told them coffee would have to wait as I was not leaving Steve's side. They asked if I was hungry and I told them no. The nurses said they would go to the cafeteria to get me something. I remember thanking them and then going back to holding his hand. A short time later they brought a big vacuum pot full of fresh coffe and all the trimmings and some graham crackers. My honey's brother and SIL got there a short time after the coffee arrived. (they had driven 4 hours to get there) They are my family as far as all of are concerned and I love them. I stepped back to allow them to spend some time with Steve. I did not know it at the time but the last thing Steve said to his brother and SIL was to take care of me. I was holding my honey's hand as he passed over. Pallative care had made sure that he was comfortable not in pain or discomfort and I know that my honey was ready to go as he had been through so much for 27 of our 30 years. We were not married (even common law) but I treasure the 30 years that I was allowed to have with him. Though we had our ups and downs I always felt safe and loved. I found out from him that the time when he threatened me and was being such a jerk during the Feb to June was because he was trying to push me away so that I would not be so hurt as he did not think he would make it through it. The frustration anger he must have felt as his strength ebbed and he could not do the things he wanted to do including protecting me and our fur babies. He had a defibulator which had been turned off a short time before he passed and his pacemaker did not interfere when it was his time.
It is now Wednesday at 12:15am. I took a nap earlier today so I am just now starting to get sleepy. But I know that I have to hit the bed as our Fire Dept will be here around 10am to put new smoke detectors in so I will continue my saga later on today or this evening. I hope the start of my saga makes sense. Sorry to ramble. Y'all have a great day and I will talk to y'all later today.
Y'all have a very Merry Christmas and a safe, fun and Happy New Year.
On another note, you sound like exactly like the sort of person managers like to hire: nice, conscientious, kind, caring. There is a job out there that needs YOU! And I hope you can keep going with your art too as more money comes in.
Well it has now been just a little over a month since I lost my honey though it seems like yesterday. I am more settled now and think I am out of the shock stage. On the outside, to others, I have been told I seem very calm, but inside I feel confused, lonely and trying to make sense of how to start the new chapter of my life though I have to say I have started moving forward. The hardest thing I have done has been, and is, going through his things and sorting them out and packing them. So many memories. But bringing my honey's ashes home have helped.
Right now I am not only dealing with the emotional, but financial as well as my honey did not have a life insurance policy. So I am fighting to keep my electric and water on till I can find a job. Thank heaven for food pantries and assistance though the assistance can only help once a year.
Trying to get my home back in order and am gradually getting there. I have found that staying busy helps. I am getting plenty of rest and have been taking some naps as well. I have a lot of resume's out and just finished an animal portrait. I know only time can help, but I hoping that by posting my journey of the new chapter in my life maybe it will help someone else. After 30 years, I having to find and discover who I am now. This is strange for me as before my I honey and I got together I knew myself very well. But our lives were so intertwined that I feel like a part of me is missing.
Well will keep y'all posted on my new journey and dealing with the grief. Y'all have a safe, fun and Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.
Try to be good to yourself and may sweet memories of your beloved bring you peace.
It will take you time to find a new normal. But that's ok. You take all the time you need.
May God comfort you and give you peace in your time of need in the name of Jesus.