A few weeks ago my mom got put in memory care home, had to trick her, she wants to come home and it's sad. Any advice?

Don't lie, you'll only be holding on to guilty feelings. Just tell her that you can't care for her as well as they can. You know she's going to be upset no matter what you do. Tell her that you did it out of love for her and she will have to sort it out for herself. Tell her you went through a lot of trouble to get this care for her and I bet you did! You know that honesty is the best policy and you can't go wrong. You don't need the guilt because you have lots more to deal with. Please get everything in order, POA and health care directive! I was almost forced into filing for guardianship of my mother! Elder law wanted $2,500 retainer and $300+ per hour. I've already had health directives/ shared bank account but her self made Will was only good after she passes. I couldn't get any Jurat notary public to come in because they don't want to be responsible for any memory care residents! I just learned that Jurat notary public is someone who comes in and asks the person to swear that they know what they are doing/signing. You can see why they wouldn't come. I forced them with my health care directive that I had the right to do this because it meant that she would have to take a loan out on her house and I had the right to do what it took to keep her care going. It was'nt my health care agent status,it was they were going to lose a sale. Everything gets complicated when memory care comes up. Yes,I avoided having to go to court and spending lots! Please get everything together ASAP! You know you're in this because you care, you can't do anything if you let it get to you. I'm hating reliving this but maybe I can help you? Mom's in memory care/ hospice and she's very scattered brain and bed ridden. You have to separate your self from people who think they know and focus on you! You have lots of work to do and you don't need to be criticized! You went this far,long journey ahead. Good journey! Peace for you and your Mom!

You did the only thing that you could have done. So, congratulate yourself on succeeding in this unpleasant task.

In time your mother will acclimate to her new surroundings. Be at peace now.

You did what was best for not only her but you as well. She will adjust. It's only been a few weeks.
I'm sure you were told by staff to stay away for at least 2 weeks, and I hope you're abiding by that, otherwise it makes things even harder for your mom and the staff.
Your mom needs time to adjust to her new surroundings and the staff, so please allow her that time. And rest in the knowledge that she is now receiving the 24/7 care that she needs and that she will be safe.

I think the word "placed" sounds better than "put". I started out with the word put when I placed Mom but it just didn't feel right. I don't know why.

Please, no guilt. You did what you needed to do. You have to work and her care became too much. She will learn to except where she is as home. And the home she is talking about could be her childhood home. I have pushed any guilt I have had to the back of my brain. I was always there for my parents. Always there for my girls. One I have taken care of her boys. There for my DH. My Mom was in a nice AL and later LTC. The staff loved her so she was well taken care of.

Count her blessings that she's safe and protected, and so you are also protected from burnout. Please consult with a Medicaid Planner for her state so that if her funds run out you know what her options are to keep her safe in a good facility. Most states have a 5-year financial look-back on the application.

I did the same, but 4 years later, the money ran out to keep her in memory care, so now I am taking care of her 24/7. That's the really sad part!

Hi Ratboy. Boy that's tough. The tricking her part. I've read here about many people having to do that though. Do you want to share any more about that? Does she think she's just somewhere temporary, or does she know now that she's in Memory care. Is it a Memory Care at an Assisted Living? Or a SNF Memory Care? Is it near to where you live? Sorry for all the questions. I'm just trying to understand more about the situation. I just looked up a post from you here last September, so I know you were living with her and her dementia got a lot worse after your dad died in 2020. I'm sure it's been really tough on you since then Ratboy.

I can guess that it probably just wasn't safe for her to be alone while you were working, and if it was just the two of you, then it would be impossible for you to have a life and support yourself and watch her 24/7 at the same time. So there really was no choice but for her to go into a Memory Care. I can imagine this is SO hard on you with her wanting to come home and I can understand why you'd feel really sad right now.