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This is an update on previous posts. I agreed to ONE doctor appointment with a doctor of the sibling's choosing. This "specialist" is several hours away so my parent will be transported to the location the night before the appointment. Accommodations were made for all siblings and my parent.....who is up every 2 hours......and in diapers. Considering I have tried to explain his condition and it has fallen on deaf ears, I do believe I will be going down the morning of the appointment rather than the night before. I think a night of on the job caregiving may be just what they need to truly understand the situation. I'm not asking a question, just providing an update. (And no, my parent won't be in any danger.)

Your kindness shines through 💗.

After a real conversation trying yet again to explain the care level to a sibling, she admitted she heard me but as she hadn't seen it with her own eyes, it was not real to her. Rather than take offence (was very hard not to!) I tried to see her side.

So next family occassion I sat idle as sis did bathroom escort. Did she see the needs with her own eyes? Nope. No help was asked for, so she didn't offer. All good was reported.

Ok so nothing so obvious to the eyes.. but definately to the nose, obviously to me & others that hands-on attention had been required.

My guess is there are other 'blind' sibs out there. When you collect your parent, the same left in situ undergarms would be in place for you to deal with.
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While the selfish part of me was so looking forward to a "hoisted on her own petard" kind of story, I'm sure your instincts were right to not put your mom through that kind of stress. You're a loving, kind daughter!
(((Hugs)))
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Update: As much as my sisters could use a little karma, upon further reflection, I just couldn't put my parent through it. I notified my sisters via email that we would NOT be doing this. So far, I have not received any push back. At this point I am giving basic updates as needed via email and am NOT engaging in face to face meetings anymore.
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Frazzled, what an EXCELLENT idea this is. It is going to be a real wake up call if you can stick to it. I hope you will come back and will update us how all of this went.
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Hey frazzled, just wondering of your family has gotten an "education" about your parent yet?
(((hugs)))
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I think that is a phenomenal idea!

Even siblings who understand get sticker shock when they get even a remote taste of what we deal with daily as caretakers. My mom fell the other night when my oldest sister was visiting, and she got to see first hand what I've been describing...and she has been extremely supportive of me the whole time. Still it's good - in a twisted sort of way - to have someone else see what it's like.

Please give us an update, I think we could all use a "karme bites back" sort of story!
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Let us know how it goes!
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Well played
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You have handled this very well.
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