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Hello everyone! I am new to this forum and very happy I found it. I have a situation with my brother who is "acting up" in more ways than one. My father passed away from cancer at the end of April. His wife, my mother, has Alzheimer's and cannot make rational decisions. Before he passed, he wanted to make sure that I had control over finances and mother's health after he died, so he made me financial and medical power of attorney over both of them. He was of sound mind when he did so, and had my mother sign hers also.

My brother is a chronic freeloader (46 years old), has been in prison for too many DUIs, and just got off of probation last December, just for some background. My father's goal for me was to get mother moved to assisted living as soon as possible, so I focused on that goal. Four days after my father passed, my brother started sending me nasty texts saying that he is "taking control". I went over to the house to get a few things moved to mother's new apartment and he physically assaulted me (shoved me against a wall repeatedly, then pinned me there). It was then he let me know that he got mother to sign another POA (only the financial one) for him. The threatening texts continued to come for weeks after that, but I did finally decide to file assault charges, and I may tack on harassment.

He can't touch any money because I am the beneficiary of that money, and have been a signor on my parents' bank acount for years. My father's wishes were for do exactly as I have, but I need to get some work done at the house so we can sell for a larger profit. However, my brother has essentially taken over the house, changed the locks, and said he will "sell it when he's ready".

Anyway, my question is, since my mother can't make rational decisions, isn't his POA null and void and mine still active since my father was of sound mind?

I believe we might have to pursue legal action, so if anyone has any advice on that, please share.

Thanks!

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I live in Arkansas and in 2014 I had to move 30 miles away from my mom and it took my husband from 2006 to convince me to move only because I didn’t want to leave my mom. My sister and her husband moved in with my mom and all broke loose. They convinced her to put my brother in law’s name on our family deed and my sister is a banker so she put her name on mom’s account and my name was conveniently left off, then after mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer in 2014 my sister had mom to sign papers to pit husband on deed 2016 got mom to sign POA and in 2017 got mom to sign papers giving she and her husband complete guardianship without my presence and only because I had proof of them stealing over 30,000 from her account and even paid lawyer from my mom's account to pay for the guardianship I have tried to work with my sister because this is our mom and my sister is not doing right nor is her husband now grey have spent all of her savings and I had to hire a lawyer to suspend the guardianship... I hate we had to leave my home town because I'm very close to my mom and this with my sister had me in a deep depression
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Warning to Shiner re: Guardianship --- Sadly, I have a similar situation, I began caring for my Mom's needs over 8 yrs ago, when her worsening vision & a car accident left her w/o a vehicle, she was, at that time of sound mind/just poor vision. She still lived at home & other than assist getting to store & appt.'s was quite capabl. This later evolved into me paying all her bills for her ( she kept debit card & I had her bills forwarded to me & I paid her bills w/ checkbook or called in payments via automated phone access or online pay w/ her card "info" ) In 2013 we addressed the writing of her Will, & she assigned me as P.O.A. (both legal & medical) . In 2016 my Mom agreed to move in with me ( both the home she was in & the home I'm in were built by my parents) & shortly after she was diagnosed w/ Alzheimer's....., in the last year a Brother that has lived out of state that she has not spoke to in years-as well as his son ( my cousin) that has not been a part of my Moms life in approx 15 yrs..., managed to gain possession of my Mom while she was visiting with another brother. They somehow got her signature on a POA & $3500 later after lawyers & court investigators visited my home & investigated ME & MY BACKGROUND!!?! I had to clear a Felony check/ get bonded......, it essentially is as if I AM ADOPTING MY OWN MOM -- but I..., NOT THEY am now obliged to answering to the courts/ presenting detailed files/documentation regarding her care plan + all expenditures from her accounts & funds from her account can only be spent on HER needs..., so although she lives with me her monies can ONLY be spent on her needs. In the meantime NO CONSEQUENCES for the Uncle/Cousin who tried to exploit an elderly family member - no consequences for the attorney who assisted them with "their" P.O.A. AND NOW my issue is the same Uncle is making false accusations that I HAVE to prove to courts are not true BUT if I don't do this satisfactorily I just learned it could result in me not only losing Guardianship - but My Mother!!!! Proceed with great caution going the Guardianship route...., it places those truly looking out for a loved ones interest in the position of answering to courts - w/ NO court assistance/guidance with exactly what that entails & could result in courts removing the loved one you thought you were protecting from you & HANDING THEM OVER TO THOSE YOU WERE TRYING TO PROTECT THEM FROM!!! In retrospect.., I feel having had my Mom declared incompetent BEFORE this all happened would have protected her/us BEST because there would have been NO issue of which P.O.A. was valid, had she been declared incompetent in court BEFORE they got her signature on another POA.
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Again, davessister, my heart goes out to you. This has got to be even more painful being so far away. You can't easily talk to the doctors or visit your brother or visit with his wife.

There is no way to sugarcoat it. Dementia is absolutely devastating for the entire family.

If your SIL took her husband to three neurologist your brother has been seen by "real specialists." The fact that they came to different conclusions does not prove they are not competent doctors. "Dementia" is fairly easy to diagnose, but pinpointing the exact disease is far more complicated. As things stand now, the only absolutely accurate way to see what is happening in the brain is to examine it post mortem. When autopsy results are compared to the diagnosis on record, the accuracy rate of diagnoses is dismal -- and this includes specialty clinics around the country.

I belong to a support group for caregivers of persons with Lewy Body Dementia. It has been a number of years and many of the people with dementia have died. Only 2 had autopsies. My husband's diagnosis was confirmed -- he had a more severe case than his symptoms would indicate. The other man's diagnosis with LBD was proven to be incorrect, even though it was made by one of the area's leading experts in the disease. I don't know whether it is a consolation or just adds to your frustration, but the fact that your brother's diagnosis has varied so much is common, and is not an indication of poor care.-

I know how much you would like to be able to DO SOMETHING for your brother. I can't tell you how much I wanted a magic wand for my husband, and now for my mother. Being helpless adds to our grief. It sounds like you have tried to do everything you can think of. If you were geographically closer there would be other things you could try.

As it is, I think you need to make peace with the fact that your SIL is in charge of her husband's care. Direct your frustration and anger at the disease itself. That is the true source of the problems here.

I am truly sorry that you are in so much pain.
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Hello and thanks for your reply. No, the facility she placed him in offers no stimulation or interactions. I live several hundred miles away, and he doesn't know me anymore. I sent her the UCLA trial which focused on nutrition to no avail. Three different neurologists diagnosed 3 separate conditions, starting at Parkinson's, then lewey body dementia; and finally alzheimers. We can trace the onset back to when he fell and injured his head and had ringing in his ears. I don't think the diagnosis is correct. But I guess I am just prohibited from demanding that he see a real specialist for an accurate diagnosis.
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It can be so painful when different family members have different ideas of how to treat a chronic condition. I am sorry for your pain.

Unless your brother made you his medical power of attorney, his wife has more authority over decisions about his health than you do. That is a simple fact.

Early onset dementia is particularly sad (although dementia at any age is awful). There is at this time no cure. At this time there are not even universally-agreed upon methods of treatment. The drugs that are supposed to "slow down" the progression of the disease have not been proven to do so. Some help some people manage symptoms.

There is growing evidence that lifestyle elements can make a big difference in quality of life. Remaining physically active is important. Having social interactions is beneficial. Having some intellectual stimulation is useful. Can you visit your brother often? Can you encourage him to participate in the activities available at his care center? Can you look at scrapbooks or old photographs with him?

You are not in charge of the major medical decisions for him, but there are things you can do to enhance the quality of his everyday life.
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My brother was "diagnosed" with early on-stage Alzheimer's in 2012. He was taken off his medication by his wife and placed in a facility. There is no attending physician, and she will not even consider any trials. He appears to be at stage 6, and is 56 years old. I have contacted the authorities, the church, and other relatives to try to get him some help. I am told that the medication could help slow the progression of the disease. She refuses. I feel helpless. Any ideas?
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Each person has the right to give THEIR OWN PERSONAL DPOA to whomever they wish IF THEY ARE NOT ALREADY MENTALLY INCAPACITATED. THEY CAN ONLY GIVE IT FOR THEMSELVES, IF YOUR DAD GAVE YOU HIS AND YOUR MOTHER IS TRYING TO TAKE YOU OFF OF HIS SHE CANNOT DO THIS, BUT SHE CAN GIVE AWAY HER PERSONAL ONE.

HAVE YOU TOLD HER THAT YOU ALREADY HAVE POA? IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU MUST HAVE A "POWER GRAB" GOING ON.
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So true about family greedy ways. I have a sister whose been incarcerated 3 times and on drugs for more than 30 years. Our parents are both elderly over 80 and in poor health. She has a fake POA and has managed to use it to take money from my parents accounts in the tune of over 50k. I have had to file criminal charges as the document is fake created by her and notarized by some unknown fake person. In the meantime, the only protection I have to keep her at bay is I was able to password protect other accounts. Even a POA cannot access an account with a password!!! Being the beneficiary of the other accounts has been my saving grace, otherwise this fake document would have allowed her to steal everything before the cops could catch her.. Be proactive folk- greedy family's are for real. Believe me money makes folk treat you badly especially when they have the chance to get something they didn't earn by lying and stealing. They will go to no lengths. Too bad h*ll is sometimes their only recourse..
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I know - and I strangely and miraculously feel so much better! I kind of feel like saying, "Nanny nanny boo boo!" LOL
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All I can say is GO GIRL! You are on a roll. Love it!
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Ugh - forgot to mention that his POA is illegal given his association with the notary. 'Nuff said.
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Another update - and again, thank you all so much - I am about to head out to meet with the Elder Law attorney. She is going to file for emergency guardianship and, given my brother's felony record, he will not be able to contest it. After that, we will file protective orders for both me and my mother. More details later...
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Well, that's the problem. She was not of sound mind (she already had Alzheimer's) when she signed mine, but my father was (they signed a few days before he died). They both signed their POAs for me at the same time in front of several witnesses and a notary. The executor of the will knows full well what my father's wishes were (which was to have me handle my mother's affairs), and he will handle everything in his power when he is able to take action.
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I am not familiar with the Texas Law, but my comments above pertains to California Law. You have two issues that are of concern; your POA is valid while your mom is alive because it was established before she had the alzheimer's, and your brother attained his after which maybe revoked because she is not of "sound mind" as you stated. The problem which may occur is after she passes, and if there is no will or trust, your assets and accounts may go to probate and court proceedings because your brother may contest that he is also the heir to their property as well..... Your role as an attorney-infact is to do what is best for their well being while they are alive.....Definitely consult an attorney while your mom is alive.........Caring for someone you love with alzheimer's is already difficult and having to deal with this unfortunate situation is heartbreaking as well....Good Luck to you......
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Here's another question - if my father, who was of sound mind, authorized my mother to sign the POA for me, is hers still invalid because she is not of sound mind?

Another new development - my brother's girlfriend notarized his POA and we have learned that this is a conflict of interest according to Texas law, and it could carry consequences for her. She is a big part of the problem too. She is a paralegal and has to have the notary, but she really could lose it because the "power" the POA gives would directly benefit her financially.

I did get the money back and reported fraud. It is now in an account he can't touch.
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Did your father set up a Living Will & a "Trust", for example a "Revocable Trust" in addition to naming you as the Attorney-in-fact or POA? If you are the executor or the Trustor/Trustee, and all your dad&mom assets were transferred over to the Trust, then your brother has no legal right to any assets..... It all depends on the vesting of your property or bank accounts. An attorney-in-fact acts on behalf of the account holder as long as that owner is "alive"....This is the key- It is always best to have a Living Will & Trust in situations like this....... Without knowing your entire situation, I would suggest absolutely in consulting an attorney.
It is always best to have BOTH a Will, and absolutely a Living "TRUST" set up in addition to the POA.... POA is only good as long as the owner is alive.......I hope your father has set up the Trust as well.... Yes, keep us informed....
A Living Trust saves the headache of court probates and proceedings.
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Oh my gosh I feel horrible for you! You are in a race to prevent him from stealing you and your mother blind. If you have POA why don't you remove the money from her accounts so he cannot get his hands on it? That is the first thing I would have done while seeking out an attorney to help me file some type of injunction to stop your brother from doing this.

If you mother has dementia or alzheimer's and has been diagnosed with it then she is not of sound mind and cannot give anyone her POA you would need conservatorship over her, but you do not have time to waste in stopping the pillaging of your mothers accounts, you needed to transfer money immediately when you found out what he had done. Time is of the essence here!!!!!!
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Thank you all - I will update with elder care attorney info if I get a chance tomorrow. If I can't tomorrow, will do soon! Thanks for all the support!
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All I can say is God bless all caregivers everywhere. For every family there seems to be a situation and some of them are horrible; others go along just fine. I experienced some of this when my Mom died and then my Dad a few years later. Siblings can be so cruel especially when there is money/property. I almost had a nervous breakdown because of the mill they put me through, so I divorced myself from 3 siblings for almost 20 years. Your brother sounds a bit like my brother - a sociopath - and don't ever confront him alone, there will only be one survivor. My heart goes out to you - please get the legalities done ASAP or you will be at this for a long time. Your brother is a sick man and needs lots of prayer and a miracle. Know you are not alone and this site is a wonderful place to find support even if we can't give all the answers. Hugs!
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Please let us know what the elder care attorney says!
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Thank you, caneel. I am going to consult an elder care attorney tomorrow. In the meantime, the executor is in the process of probating the will, and will remove him from the house. We will see what happens! Thank you all for the support!
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Shiner, welcome to the club, there are many kind souls here to support you. I had a similar problem with my mother's husband who had already relieved her of almost all of her funds. I opened an account in with me and I had the bank put a password on her account. No one was able to even check her balance without it. If her doctor agrees you really should consider guardianship. It will stop your brother from being able to do anything. Please consult a reputable elder care attorney soon.
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You absolutely have a huge problem. My heart goes out to you. Can your mom pass a basic competency test? Ex. Who is president? What month is this? Where do you live? You can find examples of these on line. If your mom has progressed beyond that, you probably still have a problem unless she was recognized as incompetent by her doctor. I wouLd talk to him/her ASAP, and find out what he/she is willing to swear to in court. Then, if the doctor is on your side, you can merely go file incompetency . It will depend on the date your brother's power was signed. If the doctor won't go there, you will be in a pickle, and probably a lawyer won't be able to help much, as your mother has the right to determine who cares for her, unless she is incompetent. Good luck!
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i'd like to add its a long drawn out process too , maybe in other states is different here in PA we're into this process almost 2 years and a lot of money ...so hopefully you figure something other than this route...good luck
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Shiner, guardianship? Is that like having someone declared mentally incompetent? Is not having the doctors involved enough protection? I just wish my brother would crawl back under his rock and leave us alone! I'm with my dad four days a week, work almost full time and have a family. Obviously, I might not be protecting dad and myself enough from what you indicate.
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Shiner, not sure what your state laws are, but we tried to get a POA for my mom, who has dementia, last fall after my dad passed away. The lawyer was very kind and nice and spent an hour with my mother talking with and asking questions but said she could not draw up the papers because my mother was mentally incompetent. I thought because my mother was fine with me being her POA that we could get it, but that's not the case. The lawyer said any lawyer who would draw up POA papers for my mom at that stage could lose their license if it were challenged (by, say, one of my sisters) in court. That is why we unfortunately had to go the legal guardian route, which involves a lot of court appearances and of course legal fees.
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And my heart goes out to you, Lilykat. I think I am going to have to apply for guardianship. That is the only thing that will stop him if the law doesn't. You might want to do the same. Believe me - do anything you can to prevent this.
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This sounds like a family horror story that I'm dreading, I also have both POA's but was told that my brother could take my dad to an attorney and have things changed which would force me to take legal actions. My attorney said the other attorney would need to be very careful because if there was any hint of a health or mental issue, he could be sued. I am carefully documenting things and have alerted all of his doctors as to the family dynamics. I pray that my situation doesn't turn into yours. We need to be careful as POA's. My heart goes out to you.....
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Thank you all for your replies.

@Maria - a lawyer did draw up the POA, but I hardly think she was with the attorney when she signed it since she rarely goes anywhere.

New developments - I am a signor on the bank account with my parents and have been for years. Yesterday, $3600 was transferred out online to two other bank accounts. We have launched a fraud investigation because I did not authorize those transfers and he used either my father's credentials or set one up for my mother (she has no clue how to use a computer) It turns out that he set up two more accounts for my mother and has moved the money. That money was supposed to pay her rent at her assisted living facility.

The will is about to be probated, and the executor is fully aware of what my father's wishes were, which was for me to be POA over my mother and to manage her care and finances. I believe he might be the only one who can legally stop him, unless the police decide to step in a arrest him for assault. That is still pending.

It's a fine mess - I hope we can get it resolved because it's about to kill my family.
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Did a lawyer draw up the POA for your mother naming your brother as her POA? Did the lawyer determine your mother was sound enough to sign such a document? It would behoove you to get a lawyer who is familiar with elder-care issues. It will likely not be too difficult for you to regain control from your brother given that you are already on the bank account and had previous POAs in place. But I would get a lawyer.
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