My brother financially exploited my 78 year old mother.

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After Mom, who lives in FL, was involved in a car accident (hit by a drunk driver) I discovered a $9,000 balance on her Visa made to help pay for my oldest brother's step-daughters wedding, he lives in the same town as my Mom. I also discovered my sister-in-law had talked Mom into putting her as an authorized user on her Visa "So I can pick up pads and stuff for you". I also discovered a check Mom signed and my oldest brother made out to himself for $4,500. He has claimed he will repay these debts but made two Visa payments totaling $400 right after the accident and now won't talk to me. My other brother (who lives in Ohio) has tried talking to him and he always claims he's getting ready to pay it all off. All this time I've used her funds to make minimum payments and now I've had to move her back to the nursing home and since her only source of income was social security she is now on Medicaid. Visa began collection calls when I stopped paying and I explained the situation, talked to collections dept., fraud dept. (who said they couldn't do anything) and finally disputed the charges so I could get copies. I talked to the State Attorney and he said if I had copies of the signature receipts along with a complaint letter from Mom I could file charges. I hate to do this but my older brother won't discuss this with me, stopped seeing my Mom when all this was discovered, and will only text me occasionally to tell me to "back off the visa, I'm gonna pay it". I have tried to discuss finances with my Mom for the past 5 - 10 years and she would always tell me to mind my own business. Well now it is my business and I'm on Xanax because of the stress and anxiety this has all caused. I work full time and live 2 hours away in AL and have made 20 trips to FL in the past 8 months. There are many, many, many more drama's in this story but I've just spent the last four night preparing a Victim Impact Statement because the defendant has decided she is tired of dealing with this (poor thing!) and has filed a demand for a speedy trail, and have been dealing with the nursing home and Mom's plea's to take her home. This has been one drama after another!

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This thread was started in January 2010. I really hope it isn't an ongoing problem.
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Honestly it sounds like you are being the issue here!!! If your Mom told you mind your own buisiness honor her request Dude and if this loan is getting paid slowly thats why he borrowed it no brainer..I must be right on this if your goung threw so much trouble for that money your mom told u to mind yoyr business about leads me to think 1 logical ponder and thats 1 of you wish you could have beat him to the punch...really backoff , you were told by your bro and mom !!!! Stop causing anxiety on your self now ask your self 1 question if you were your brother would you wanna come around you with your irratic behavior and accusations and troublesome ways or would you just Text you???Think about it and heres another thing stop stressing your poor mother out allready you aint the only son in her life atleast they were watching for her be gratefull and give tgem extra cash from your pocket in grattitude!!! Do the right thing Drop it allready life is to short to live in envy and jeoulousy Huh...kiss n make up allready..Godbless
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Halieh67,

This thread is 8 years old. Your situation might draw more responses if you made it into a new thread. You can create a new thread by clicking "ask a question" on the bar above.
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My 92y.o. mom has dementia and after a year of trying to keep her home, utilizing cnas..and adult daycare to no avail, she was placed in assisted living now paying privately $6000 per month. I am her poa and have been carefully keeping track of her liquid assets amounting to about $200,000..(also owns rundown house).Prior to her admittance..it became apparent that i would end up being the primary caregiver..as my three siblings ..one of. whom has lived in mom's home for 20 years,along w. her 25 y.o. son, weren't cooperative in assisting w. care, yet wanted her to remain home..I am 67..and the pressure and stress became overwhelming..plus mom was no longer safe...Over the last year..my siblings have seemingly come to terms with this placement..except one still balks that she needs money..and is clearly resentful that i won't give her funds from mom's account..my brother is also on the same page, and occasionally upsets mom saying that her savings are gone..sometimes threatening me w. Legal action...and my sis who lives in her home rarely pays utilities(my moms money still paying 800 quarterly for taxes.)..though she works..and always has enough for casino jaunts..they visit mom..but I'm the one who handles health and other issues,and buys her clothes toiletries etc using my own money...At christmas they still wanted monetary gifts from mom.. I am the only one who worked and built a savings plan..and do not need my mom's money..but feel the others are breathing down my neck ..either verbally or passive aggressively..i shudder to think what would become of moms money if any of them handled it.._without disclosing details alcohol and drug consumption has been an issue in family) .i want to keep on good terms ..but fear im about to be stabbed in the back or be the victim of false accusations
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I think none of you relatives who feel that you have been robbed of your inheritance by a relative feel this way for one reason only. You wanted the money the relative took. I take offense when the person who has been robbed voluntarily and therefore cannot support themselves any longer have truly been negligent. But, if you are the one in town and all the siblings have left....and your parent cannot spend their wealth in their lifetime, get in there and make some rules. No finger pointing. This is happening in my friends in-laws family. My friend goes to the doctors, shopping, and gives this individual good company and family where there is none. Make sure you have a strong bond with the person to whom you expect to receive their money upon death and you will secure you receive your portion. If you are unable to, then take care of yourself and stop worrying that someone is getting something you are not.
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My mother is 75 years old disabled she was living here in the same town as I we were living together because she cant live alone. About five months ago my aunt which is my mothers sister came down n took her to the town where she lives the last time I talked to my mother she was crying telling me their treating her bad n taking all her money. She said she wants to come back him but they eont bring her back. Now she's currently in a convalescent home where she never wanted to be. They used her for her money n got rid of her after getting wut they wanted. How can I get mu mother back home I am not financially stable to go get her myself. Is their anything I can do or anyone I can G to for help?
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ED, as a substance abuse counselor, I'm surprised you don't know that Xanax is not an opiate.
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Dear ED, as a substance abuse counselor, you should know that Xanax is not an opiate.
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My kids have been told that there will be little left if anything when hubby and I are gone so keep their expectations low.
If you decide on long term care insurance be very very careful. i used to do in home assessments for several companies and the purpose is to weed out anyone who is likely to need it. The older you are when you apply the higher the premium. Apply when you are young and healthy then add up the premiums for when you might need it say in your 70s and you will be shocked how much the has cost. You might be better off setting that money aside each month so you have funds to pay for your own care.
Also remember that most insurance companies exist to make money so they will make you jump through many hoops to get what you have paid for when you are most vulnerable and least able to fight back
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Hannnahhonnee, I agree with you regarding how The expectations of inheritance should be phased out. People nee to learn that they cannot count on an inheritance, unless the family is Generationally wealthy, and we don't often see those types gripping about the monet on here!
With my ow folks, both retired, with modest investments, their house sold and rolled into their portfolio in the way of protected CD's and such and none of us 6 kids ever expected to receive any inheritance, though we did care for both our parents till the bitter end, through horrific illnesses, we wanted out parents to enjoy their lives tobthe fullest, inheritance be damned! And they did until the last couple of years, when they were both so ill. There was never any fighting over who got what, but I suppose that we are the exception to the rule, and are a very close knit family, even after our parents passing. Surprisingly, we each recieved about 8 thousand dollars each, and I used mine to go and visit their homeland, the Uk, England and Wales where they were both from. There was never a peep over who should receive more, it was divided evenly, with tow of my sisters receiving a bit more for the replacement of carpets ans doors and other Damages which occured in there homes while caregiving for our parents, an obvious nessesity.

Clplate, I believe that you should advocate for your Mom, over the obvious greed and being taken advantage of by these other siblings! Your Mom may very well need that money to live in in her old age, and if she owns a home, that may need to be sold to live on in a Nursing home too! I hope you have DPOA, and Medical POA over your Mom! Your siblings should be held accountable for the monies the've taken from their Vulnerable Mother! That is just Sickening!

I believe that family caregivers should be paid via a Caregiving Contract but even then, it isn't enough for the mental anguish and the toll it take on the family, especially if there is only one doing all the work, thankfully that wasn't the case in my family, but again, we are the exception, and shared as equally as possible in the care of our parents til the end.
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