I wrote months ago about a gold digger 20 years younger then my father moving in with him after 1 month now they are engaged.

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I am soooo scared for my dad emotionally and financially. He is with a woman who is manipulating him in every way and he does not see it. He has turned his back to his own family who he has always been close with. He is almost 80years old and I am sooo scared for him and don't know what to do. I can't seem to get him to open his eyes.

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I feel your pain. We just came off of a situation that was similar. Our Dad was in his early seventies and had remained single after our Mother's Death for three years and had been doing just fine, but he had a car wreck and it gave him dizziness and unclear thoughts after that. So SHE, the younger than "we" the children, she was in her fifties, came along, seduced him, confused him, MARRIED INTO OUR FAMILY, disrespected our deceased mother's memory, kept the adult children from being able to see him, kept strife going in our family for 13 years. This weekend it ENDED thank God with the death of our father, but NOTHING would do HER but to post a horrible photo of our father in the papers and on the funeral home website, just to be vicious. I have had to ask the Lord to forgive me, I almost ended up in jail sending her ugly voice mails, and I do hope she ROTS in h*ll. It's obvious also that she abused our father. My advice to you "now" is to let her know that you are watching her every move and if you have to, get legal, declare HER unfit and protect your parent. Know this also. This too shall pass. Pray for the protection of your parent. Get to the papers and go online and place what you want as a tribute for your loved one when the time comes. I was lucky enough to have gotten to the paper first and she couldn't do anything about it. Will pray for your pain. Divorced, golddigging, stepmothers are from pure H*LL and they will eventually go back there, but not soon enough for us.
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My heart goes out to you DEEEPLY. My father in-law just died. His wife was about 15 or so years younger than he. His kids were always top priority always the only ones in his WILL. He had 2life insurance policies, retired from working 38yrs from boeing and she'd been married 5 other times. He got told 1 1/2 ago his cancer came back, he was put on hospice and 4days into hospice 2days pushing gobs of morphine and he is now gone. They never shared a bed, she had made several remarks through the years about how everything is hers when he is dead and before he died he said they "his wife/her daughter" were finally getting what they wanted. He was worth more dead than alive. When he passed alot was not making sense, we went to the police and they were onboard then suddenly it was.."Well, he was on hospice it was a planned death". Or, "he was going to die anyway". The whole things been about money for her and her daughter. Its a d*mn painful shame. They basically Euthanized my father in law. I wish I had a magic wand for you but greedy people prey on vulnerable men who don't wanna be alone sadly.
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My siblings are going through the same..father recently widowed and this young thing 30 years young with a record, no job, and more issues, just happened to come in our dad's life and he can't see his hand in front of his face. He has distant himself from all kids barely any contact and is saying he is hurt by our reaction. What about how we feel..abandoned and traded in for a young....
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Okay, you have at least one avenue to pursue: ask the nonfamily people to whom she's admitted her motives involved. I would ask if they'll sign affidavits attesting to what she's said; get them signed and notarized and take them to the police to ask if they're sufficient for an injunction against her.

Call his attorney and alert him/her to this situation. The attorney can question him when he comes in to make changes to his trust, although he can also just go to another attorney.

Your father is in denial; perhaps he just needs the attention of another woman. So read the threads in the link I posted, make notes and develop a plan of action. But don't try to do it all at one time, and do get the entire family involved.

I still think trying to get background information on her is well worth the effort. Who knows how many times she may have done this before? That's another issue; ask the police how you can tell if she's been married before and how many times. Maybe she's a black widow.
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He also has told me since this woman has now showed a romantic interest in him that he wants to make some changes to his Trust, which I am afraid of what they are. I know she is not attracted him, he has had outside people from the family tell him she is using him by her own admission, but he won't believe anyone. He says he loves her. I guess we just don't know what to do.
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Yes I have POA, but it is not immediately effective. He also has a Trust. I work for a Lawyer that has established all of this for him. The problem is he is of sound mind at this point. Currently my sister is living with him, so he is cared for, but he still has his drivers license so he comes and goes as he pleases.
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First thing to do is read through the earlier posts on this thread, and read others on a similar topic for advice. A lot of people have offered good suggestions to other posters who've faced similar problems.

Here are some posts on that topic:

https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=golddiggers

As to your specific situation, does anyone in the family have any authority under a DPOA or POA? Are your father's accounts jointly held with anyone in the family?

Has he executed a Will or Trust? Does he or did he have an estate planning or elder law attorney who have prepared these documents for him?

Has he demonstrated evidence of dementia, or does his behavior seem to be poor judgment as well as possibly the need for female companionship?

Have you contacted the PD to see if they'll help with background information on this woman?
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My family and I need help. My Dad is 88 years old. My mom is passed away 6 years ago. 6 months after my mom passed, my dad met this woman. She has been leaching on to him and having him wine and dine her since. She tells everyone around that she has no interest in him and he needs to pay for her friendship. Of course when we told my dad this he doesn't believe it. She denies anything we tell him. He has already given her over $20,000 and she still has her hand out. Recently, my Dad said that this Lona is in love with him and he wants to marry her. I know she is just using him for his money. Please give me some ideas of what to do. Thanks.
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Hi all....I wrote last year regarding my 89 yr old Dad, widowed, and how he had taken up with a woman 25 yrs his junior. He kept saying to friends, "do you think I am too old to get married?" It was extremely distressing for myself and all of my 4 sibs. My mom died in June of 2010, so it was only one year after that he suddenly was spending every night having dinner with this lady (who just retired from teaching this year!). I spend many hrs over the past winter driving by his house, checking to see if she was there, finding out where she lived, etc. My sister has a good relationship with my father's lawyer, and she was able to secure most of my Dad's investments, and the title to his house. We did what we could.
Dad is calmer now, it has been 2 yrs since Mom died (from emphysema) and my stormy relationship with him has improved. I do not spend much time with him at all, and have no interest in socializing with his lady friend. My neighbors tell me all about it when they see Dad and his friend together at the local restaurant (where they eat every single night). Dad and his friend spend almost every day together, and this summer she drove him all the way to Vancouver Island (we live in Manitoba). They visited 3 of my sibs and also visited HER mother, who is 88 and living in care in Vancouver. Dad managed the trip ok, in spite of all us worrying about that, and he really enjoyed his time on Van. Island with my brother and family. Dad paid for everything on this trip, she drove her car.
My brother inadvertently mentioned that he needed someone to house sit over the Christmas vacation, as they will be away. When Dad got home from the trip his lady friend called my brother and said her and Dad would come! My brother could hardly say no (our Dad has never visited my brother before this summer trip). My brother never even had the chance to ask me to house sit, I would have loved to.
Long story short, this lady has taken over my Dad's life pretty much. There has been talk of her selling her house and moving in with Dad. He does not want to end up in a nursing home, and she said she is willing to look after him. We all know that none of us kids are willing/able to take on that role. So maybe it is a blessing in the end. I still do not trust her completely but she is not going away, and Dad is happy with her, and her help. She helps him now with housework, yardwork, attends all his Dr. visits, etc. She has never called me once to talk about Dad, his health or anything else.
My one sis-in-law gave her an email addy, and N (I won't give her full name), has since emailed my sis-in-law a few times. None of my other sibs or in-laws want to give out their email info to N. 4 out of 5 of my sibs just do not trust her, but there is nothing we can do about it at all.
I told my Dad I would be very uncomfortable if someone else was sleeping in my Mom's room. Dad and N had even measured the room to see if N's bed would fit! My sister panicked when we found out about this event, and the possible move-in, and she called my Dad's lawyer. The lawyer wanted to see Dad and N to talk about a written co-habitation agreement, but in the end Dad refused legal advice. We do not know exactly what happened, Dad was upset about who called his lawyer, we somehow smoothed over the situation, and so far N has not moved in. I am sure this will eventually happen, and none of us are too happy about it. What can you do? Dad is still competent, and running most of his affairs, tho he is becoming more forgetful and mixed up. The possibility of her moving in, and his decline, and her being able to run everything really scares us. I hope that if it ever comes to a move on N's part, that Dad will listen to his lawyer, and all his kids, and have a agreement written up.
Will keep you posted on this. It has really been a trial for me, I have had to get counseling over this, but finallly just had to let him go...it was making me crazy!
Mwbela.
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Have you called the elder abuse organization?
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