Follow
Share

My 93yr old mother was the most judgmental person all my life. She has always been the first one to find fault or criticize others. She is now the nursing home "floozy" and I get the calls from the staff at the nursing home on inappropriate situations they pull her out of. They tell me it is not her fault she doesn't understand. Is anyone else dealing with this? Dementia is just the gift that keeps on giving. She is the "sweet" one all the staff just loves. I believe they call this Showtimers. I love the staff and they are my heroes in this journey I am on with my mother. I deal with most of this with a sense of humor, but this new side is a bit disturbing. While visiting her yesterday I sat with her and her friends at their table and she kept blowing kisses to all the men as they rolled into the dinning area, and they all blew kisses back at her. Oh my gosh I had a hard time keeping a straight face and not burst out laughing. All the staff setting up lunch would walk by me and smile or wink at me. I do so love the staff! I would appreciate any advise on dealing with this new behavior. I get the best advice from all of you!!!

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
When my Mother was in her Nursing Home Floozy stage she thought the year was 1957 so....

As long as she is safe.
(2)
Report

Oh my gosh, you mean there are women in senior living who turn into Blanche [Golden Girls]?

Hmmm, maybe when I get that age I will finally get out of Tom Boy stage :P And start wearing dresses plus jewelry, and yikes even makeup besides lipstick.
(5)
Report

Love it. Agree let her be the staff sound excellent.
(4)
Report

As long as she isn't doing "the wild thing" it sounds innocent enough.

My older sister has been this way all her life. She has always been quite eye-catching and used to attention and now that she is approaching 60 she seems to be getting desperate. You can't be anywhere where there are men and there she goes. Even when I phoned her the day I found my Mom in big time medical distress and asked her to come over. She flirted with the paramedics, she flirted with a neighbor of mine when we were outside my place discussing Mom's finances. Just a random man and I finally had to tell the guy to piss off cause she was just standing there lapping up the attention. "I grabbed her left hand, showed it to him and screamed, "she's married!"

So, one day if she ends up in a nursing home "look out everybody"
(5)
Report

Yes. Yes. My super southern modest Mother bought herself some inappropriate 20 something clothing when she was still living in her home and driving. After she went to the Nursing Home Mother would peddle her wheelchair at great speeds chasing any man walking. The staff did have to keep an eye on her and they did.

The filter my Mother had that previously had her so concerned about her reputation, our reputation, everybody's reputation was out the window. My Mother was the Nursing Home floozy.

That stage passed. Then I missed the floozy.
(5)
Report

Unless they catch her "doing the wild thing", I'd let it be.

It's difficult to observe our parents being sensual/sexual. But that's how we got here!
(5)
Report

Staff really should try to rule out and identify those yeast infections. Some behaviors have a medical reason. imo.
(2)
Report

I'm reassured by what Ratherbefishing says about the staff's approach, that they appreciate why her mother is behaving like this and seem to be handling the situation well. My only concern would be if they weren't showing any concern for her dignity, but clearly they are keeping an eye open to make sure things don't get out of hand.
(5)
Report

Blowing kisses is innocent enough

Last summer there was a poor soul at mom's memory card who's libido was out of control and she had it bad for one resident to the point that the couch in the tv room was nicknamed the love pit - staff did nothing to stop it and it made unpleasant for everyone else
(4)
Report

My sister and I have the same issue. At first it was "OMG" since mom was always super southern modest. Now its like, so what if it makes her feel good. I don't think she gets many of those "feel good" moments these days.
(5)
Report

I had to giggle about the above two postings. Yes, keep a sense of humor, as doing such things gives the person more purpose in life. And it helps break up the day for others around them.

As for the mailman, I remember reading of cases where it was the mailman who noticed something was wrong at a house, like the mail wasn't picked up for a couple of days, thus called 911. Inside was an elder who had fallen, or whatever. So in a way it is good that the mailman comes up to the house and gets his "kisses" :) Just another set of eyes and ears watching out for Mom.

I miss the mailman we had on our route. One time my sig other was trying to get up and out of his low slung two seater vehicle [I stopped riding in it years ago]... the mailman had to physically help him out..... and he remarked to sig other that's it time to trade that vehicle in for something more practical.
(4)
Report

Well, the answer is, you can't do anything. She's not the mom you grew up with and she's just doing what her brain is telling her to do. It's embarrassing for you, no doubt, but since she is in a NH, I'd let the NH staff handle it.

My mother also thinks all the men at the Sr Center "want her". She tells me they talk to her and flirt with her--but I know mom, she's loving it. She waits by the front door for the mailman. She coyly motions him to the house. (This is so disgusting to watch, for me) and he brings her packages, etc to the door, even tho she's on a rural route. She hands him one Hershey's kiss and practically forces the poor guy to give her a kiss on the cheek. If it's a replacement mailman she gets mad.

Mind you, she 87 yo, bald, stooped over, reeks of old urine and is not "adorable" by any means. Not being unkind, just stating the truth. She thinks he's sweet on her. She thinks any man who shows her any attention wants to sleep with her.

I'm done telling her that this behavior is embarrassing and completely inappropriate. It doesn't "stick" and if the mailman wasn't such a softy, he'd deliver the mail and not allow himself to be mauled.

Humor is the best way to handle it. My mother is quite the coquette. We just let her be.

So, yes, a lot of us are dealing with this.
(3)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.