My 81 year old father had colon cancer surgery. They "cured" the cancer but my poor father is another story...

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I am writing to vent. My father could walk before the surgery, now he is completely bedridden. He must be repositioned every two hours. He could eat before the surgery now he is fed via PEG. Also he has a colostomy bag. More than half of is mind is gone after the surgery. He mumbles, I don't understand 90%. The remaining 10% is cursing, expressing hallucinations and delusions. He still recognizes me but for some reason he is very angry with me. I guess I am the only one he can express his frustration. He is in a Nursing Home. This is the third one and finally, I have found a place that takes really good care of him. But he is a prisoner in a room. He is unable to socialize, mentally just not capable. Also since his discharge from the hospital about three months ago, he has been having infections. We have been testing his CRP. Now he has MRSA and another hospital infection in his lungs according to a sputum culture. He is being treated by the doctor of the NH and it is going well. CRP going down nicely. Vitals very good. When I look ahead I see years and years of suffering for my poor father and it really breaks my heart.

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I had to use a temporary bag when I had some intestine removed. Even though it's gone now, it's something I'll never forget.
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I absolutely agree, the medical system in the US is abysmal. And cancer treatment is no different in 2018 than it was in 1978. I was an RN specializing in oncology, I gave the chemotherapy. When my mom was told she had breast cancer, she asked me what would I do if it was me? I told her have the surgery, skip the chemo and by all means skip the radiation! She said that was what made sense to her. That was in 2008.

The radiologist shouted at her, “Do you want to live?!” when she declined the radiology treatments. This is the ‘racket’ that’s called medical care here.

I’m pretty well through with these ‘Doctor Gods’. When you’ve worked in the belly of the beast you know the tricks.

I’m very sorry for the condition your dad was left in. The entire medical system gets worse every day or doesn’t try to improve anything. Quite a few elders in my family have literally been done in by ‘treatments’.
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I am not religious but if a religious person would see my father he/she would pray for his gentle death in his sleep. He looks terrible confined in his bed. He is barely conscious. He recognizes me but he has no sense of time and surroundings. Still, his internal organs liver, kidney and heart are working fine. He can go on in this state for years on end. That is very very cruel. So unlucky for him.
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My father was hospitalized for 17 days. For lung infection. Then the lungs cleared and they didn't know why the CRP was still high. They have been giving him very strong antibiotics since two months. Finally the last two blood test showed significant drop in CRP. He is back in Nursing Home. My mother is there too. They are in the same room and they don't recognize each other. My mother has the mental capacity of a 2 year old (has AD), my father's mind is in a dream land. He moans every time he is touched and repositioned. I feel sooo sorry for him. Yes we cure the infections with hardcore antibiotics, we put nutrition in his stomach but he is miserable. I paid more than 6000 USD for my fathers expenses in the last two months. That is insane amount of money for me, for my country. That is about my 1 year rent. I am so worried about finances. I am not rich, I keep paying for mom and dad. Something has to change soon...State NH is not an option because they have a little income of their own and there is a waiting period of 2-3 years. There is simply not enough state facilities. I exhausted every option for now. I have depression and anxiety. I take medication but medication does not magically makes them disappear. I don't have an husband, nor a child, nor a sibling...My future seems so bleak, I don't enjoy really anything. Just existing. I smoke like a chimney. I know I shouldn't but I don't have the will to stop. Doing my never ending duties. Even if they are in NH there are so many things to do for them (paperwork for their never ending medicines, doctor appointments for my mother, blood tests, medical supplies, applying to court with my attorney as they are declared incompetent, trying to empty their house and getting ready to rent for some additional income) all very stressful for me. I want to cry, I want to run away, I want this to end... I want this to be a bad dream . I just want to wake up.
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Hugs. I know it's not the same, but here we are whenever you want to vent.
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I have a few good friends and two cousins. Sometimes I ask them for favors, help. But there is nobody to share the burden with me. I am soooo stressed.
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Missdenwo are you completely on your own in this or do you have other family members or friends with you?
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They called me from the NH. CRP back to 58. They are changing the antibiotics. They sounded very surprised. We will see.
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Missdenwo: Again, I am so sorry about your father. It is so very hard for a daughter to see her father in such a state. One day, my father will be bedridden, unable to swallow or move his limbs, and I so dread that day and the days afterward. His is slowly progressing toward it, and it has torn my heart to pieces to see the inexorable decline of my once strong and loving and brilliant father. For you, it has happened suddenly. I cannot know exactly how you feel, of couse, only imagine -- all I can know is it must hurt terribly. It's good news they have found the right antibiotics and I hope he will improve once they have done their work. Do try to get some rest while he is in good hands at the nursing home.

Subduedjoy: It sounds like you are really on top of your disease -- I am so sad you have it all, of course. IBD and UC are cruel diseases and incredibly, er, not fun! I really admire your attitude and strength -- inspirational!

My brother has UC and one of my closest friends since high school has suffered from IBD these many years. I was re-ordering the butyrate for Dad this morning and saw those reviews from IBD patients and thought of you, so felt compelled to share. I give it to Dad to help eradicate H. Pylori, and when I saw those reviews, I realized it might have something to with why Dad's "sudden pooping episodes" (diarrhea down the legs, into the shoes, all over the floor, etc.) had significantly decreased after starting the butyrate. So I went into to PubMed and saw the research behind it. He's had this problem ever since being on antibiotics so long for the infection in his foot. I tried everything, including prebiotics/probiotics, etc., with no success, but maybe the butyrate has helped, and if so, I'm most grateful! I hoped it might help you, too, and sorry it did not, but glad you have found some things that do.
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missdenwu, yes. You're right. Most people will assume it was age because your dad is over 80. I'm angered by what happened to your dad, but I also understand not having the time, energy, or money to do anything about it. Sorry about what happened.

Laurellel, thanks for asking. Inflammatory bowel disease is a complicated disease with many causes, so there are many things that might help. Yes, I take a lot of supplements and have tried butyrate. I find that supplements (even probiotics, digestive enzymes, and anti-inflammatories) all help a little bit, some more than others, but they haven't helped that much. For me, diet, fecal transplantation (FMT), and Flagyl have had the best results, most likely because I probably have ulcerative colitis from having been on antibiotics for many years. Doctors used to give them out like candy.

I do find it interesting that while antibiotics gave me this disease, Flagyl put one of my flares into remission. What has hurt me has also helped me.
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