It's 5:00 on Friday...(my time zone anyway).

Happy Bday Bonichak!

Happy 57th ( I think) biirthday, BoniChak!!!

A duck waddles cautiously up to the edge of a country road. It's open farmland so the road stretches out a country mile in both directions. The duck looks left....no cars in sight. He looks right....clear as far as the eye can see. Feeling confident he's safe, he starts to make his way across until a sudden rustling in the grass on the other side makes him freeze in his tracks. A chicken emerges from the grass, flapping it's wings and squawking wildly....
"Broawk!!" it screams. "Don't do it!!!! Trust me, you'll NEVER live it down!!!"

Happy Friday Y'all. Yesterday was my 28th annual 29th Birthday and we had a wonderful night at a restaurant on the water. Mom, of course, flirted with every waiter she talked to....that's my Momma. When she was using her walker to leave, I was behind her, guiding her. We came to a step-down and a man went in front of her to help. She said...."I don't really need this, I just use it to get attention from handsome strangers" LOL! It was my BROTHER!!!!! Hope Y'all had a good week and have a good weekend to come!

HaHa Alison!! I'm gonna have to tell my husband that one! Since his by-pass surgery he's had to quit smoking (3 years smoke free - I am SO proud of him!) and give up salt. I think he actually misses the salt more. Switch out one of those golf courses for a huge buffet filled with platters of bacon and corned beef and meatball grinders and pepperoni pizza and he'd be a very happy man!!

Saw this on FB and it made me giggle...cuz the little girl in me that used to love to play in the tub is still there...and after half a bottle of wine the grown up me would SO do this!
"Taking a bath while drunk is fun. It makes me feel like I'm a pirate sailing the high seas. And nobody f***s with pirates....
...NObody."

Alright, can't let you guys have all the fun by yourselves over here, so here's my contribution to Friday Funnies-
-------------------
An elderly couple died in an unfortunate accident, but found themselves suddenly in heaven. They met Saint Peter, who began giving them a tour.
"Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts. The swimming pool is that way, and you'll find four golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area and an angel will be glad to mix your favorite cocktail."

"Jeez Gertrude," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't forced me to stop smoking, and made us eat all that oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat food!"
------------------
So here's to living for today, loving life today, and eating Haagen-Dazs in this heat wave! I live in Chicago and our hot weather is, thankfully, supposed to be breaking tonight.

LOL! They are Gods greatest gift!

Grand kids are the best aren't they? We get to have fun with them and none (or almost none) of the headaches. My youngest GC just turned 2 in March - my son told me the other day that he had to perform his first "foreign body up the nose extraction"...poor little guy had stuffed a Kix (cereal) up there. Fortunately it had soaked a while in milk first so it was soggy...made it a little easier to get out!

I just skyped with my Grand daughter(4) in Indiana! The 20 minutes a week I can talk to her are the best! She is beautiful, funny and the biggest BRAT you will ever meet! I showed her my chocolate donuts and she will drive her Daddy crazy all night asking for one. "We don't have any" "Yes we do Daddy! In the computer with Gramma!" Knowing my son, he's on his way to 7-11 to get her what she wants! LOL!

Ha! Yaya! Yes, I do believe it can! Quick! Get the Hagendaz! It's the only thing that can save you!

Well....I might get up for ice cream.

Can (90+ heat) + (70+ humidity) + (hot flash) = spontaneous combustion?

Hey Boni, happy Friday! I'm up in MA and it's been hot as hell all week here too...big salads every night, and I couldn't even muster the energy to do that tonight so we had grinders delivered. Right now I'm stretched out on the sofa with a fan blowing on me and a tall glass of ice water beside me. Don't want to move again for the rest of the night!

Happy Friday Y'all. The heat is unbearable in N.Y this week. Hope everybody is staying cool. It has been a good excuse for me to be lazy. Cold cuts or salads for dinners, all appointments cancelled. I just have to keep up the watering....everything else can wait! Even laundry! Wooo Hooo!

Nancy My Mom (Very hard of hearing, even with aids) LHAO when I told her this one. Thanks for the best part of our day!

Hard of Hearing

A man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you."
He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her he said, "What's for dinner, honey?"
Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question.
Still no reply, so he moved to five feet.
Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?"
She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf old goat!

WHAT SEX ARE THEY?


ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its
tongue hanging out.

COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a
while to warm up.

TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over
inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go
anywhere you have to light a fire under it ... and, of
course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES - female, because they are soft and
squeezable and retain water.

SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to
 pick people up.

HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight
shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over
 the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around

REMOTE CONTROL - female ! .... Ha! You thought I'd
 say male. But consider, it gives men pleasure, he'd
be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the
right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

I called my 4 yr old GD the other night. Daddy asked her if she wants to talk to Gramma. Her answer..."tell Gramma, that I LIKE her and I LOVE her but I DON"T wanna TALK to her!" Then she grabbed his phone from him, ran to his room, threw it in, and slammed the door and sat back down to watch Dora.
She is the worlds cutest BRAT!

This I stole from facebook, some sort of boozy concoction may be on the horizon for tomoro....

Amazing Caramel Sauce

Alright everyone, this recipe is too good to keep to myself!
I love a tablespoon of this added to my coffee and nothing more,
or on ice cream, or for dipping apples, the possibliites are endless!
Anyone can make this: Recipe yields 1 1/2 cups (although I usually double it but its just as easy to only make a half batch)

1 cup packed brown suger (I use light brown or golden)
1/2 cup heavy cream
4 tablespoons butter
Pinch of sea salt
1 tablespoon vanilla extract

Melt butter in pot, mix in brown sugar, cream and salt.
Cook over medium-low heat and whisk gently
for about 7 minutes or longer if you doubled.
I remove the pot from the heat, add vanilla and return to
cook for another minute or so to thicken a bit more.
Take it off the stove and pour into a jar then pop it into the
fridge and VOILA you're done!

Cheers lindaw!:)

This afternoon at work, kept thinking about watching the sunset over the water (my one almost daily pleasure during daylight saving time.) with a frosty glass of beer. On my hour+ drive home the wheels in the head kept turning and before I knew it I was well past the store...too tired to go back. Got home to find husband had eaten our dinner for lunch as I had forgotten to put notes on the food which he should eat and which he shouldn't. Settled on a glass of wine; thunderheads blocking the sunset and no-see-ums are biting to devour the whole body I think. Tried the news but it is all about the George Zimmerman trial which we have heard enough of here in Florida! So will spend some quality time on the computer. Oh, and I think I'll have a second glass of wine!

Two pups got me thinking. I have vanilla ice cream and.....KAHLUA!
Definitely gonna freeze some coffee cubes tomorrow. That's BRILLIANT!

Sounds yummy twopups!
Ya ya, you are so funny, and I agree about it being a bit depressing here lately. That's why I pulled up this old thread. We need to escape for a bit, not drown.
Juju...you know how to EAT! I'm drooling here.
Cappy.........you are a treasure to your mom....... and us!

We are getting a steady ,drenching rain here. As a gardener I am loving it! Mom has plans with sis tomorrow......looking like a good weekend for me!

I went up to town and got some pulled pork sandwiches and a smoked chicken ceaser for a nice treat tonite from the bbq joint, yummy...funny bout the beer comment....I just posted somewhere about drinks...I used to love my wine and frosty cocktail and ice cold one pretty regularly but since ma is now wheelchair bound I am too tired to even bother most times....when I do crack a beer at the end of a hot day, it usually goes to waste. did have a yummy fresh bing cherry n lime daiquiri last week and got the whole thing down. woot woot it was good! but all else just seems to go to waste ;o(!!! probably lose a lil weight tho!!!

Hi guys! Glad to see this thread pop up again...I've been lurking a lot lately but haven't felt like posting much. Idk..been kinda depressing around here the last couple of weeks.
Boni - i'm cracking open a root beer. Even if I had a real beer right now I think I'd pass on it cuz I'm so damn tired I'd probably pass out half way through it...and that would be a terrible waste of a good beer. We need a laugh right? So here's a funny celebrity anecdote....while attending a big Hollywood bash actor Jack Nicholson was approached by an attractive young woman and asked if he'd like to dance. In typical "Jack" fashion his eyes slowly traveled down the full length of her no doubt voluptuous body, then back up again, and after taking her all in he locked eyes with her and replied in that dripping sarcastic tone he's so famous for... "Wrong verb."

Speaking of Jack Nicholson, I recently watched "Cuckoo's Nest" again....great movie....and it suddenly occurred to me that the Nurse Ratched character kind've reminded me of someone....hmmmmm.

ah yes love the cool breeze tonight on the East Coast! I celebrated 5:00 happy hour with Baileys over frozen coffee cubes! yum

captain get your rest, but it's still 5 pm somewhere

vitamin v is just booze in powder form. i may cack down a couple ativan. i need deep, restful sleep tonight so i can hit my stone project hard tomorrow. moms pain meds are being changed from hydro 10 to oxycodone. as always shes to take them as needed and extras usually abound. after a day of stonelayin my lumbar would be all about one of those hyd 10's.

It's Friday Y'all! I've got the AC off, windows open, glorious breeze blowing through the house and the stink is temporarily gone! Woo Hoo! I think that calls for a celebration! I SO wish I drank! popping open a diet coke!

i never fail to " get " the auto parts men when i buy bolts. we agree on the bolt size and thread pitch them they always ask how long i want them. i tell em quite a while, im bolting on a bumper, leaf spring, etc..

customer service....we had a couple of those types at my job in Hawaii travel. typically we only dealt with travel agents. but once in a while a convention or large group was contracted thru us, and the general public would call in for their arrangments. One gentleman wanted a four island package, Hawaii, Waikaki,Oahu and Honolulu. (all the same island-Waikiki beach is in the city Honolulu on the Hawaii island of Oahu) or another insisted we book him a train from the mainland to islands, he did not want to fly over water, 3800 miles! chuckles at work!

An elderly woman went to her DR with a nagging problem....
She tells the doc, I have been passing silent gas at an alarming rate.
In the grocery store, in church, at home, everywhere doc, Silent gas!!!
As a matter of fact doc I have passed silent gas as I sit here, several times.

the doc looks at her, pauses, contemplates the situation and begins...the first thing we will do is.....get your hearing aids adjusted!