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I’m really glad you posted. I totally get it. It was cathartic for me to read, and know that there’s someone else on the verge of blowing a gasket over something that’s probably pretty minor, but the last straw “minor” of the day. You know you have options; you don’t need to be told that. But it just feels easier to keep going, right? Just so you know, I felt exactly like you describe last Wednesday. I couldn’t even stop at the grocery on the way home because I realized if there was one more “minor”, I would lose it. So, thank you! You’re not alone! Vent away!
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"I wish I hadn't volunteered to help all these people."

It is high time for you to "quit" your volunteer job. There are people in this world who get paid for the very things you are volunteering for - I think you need to find them and put them to work.

You don't deserve to be treated this way. No one deserves to be treated this way! You need to start to concentrate on you! Please, while you still have (relative) youth and health to enjoy life, please start to farm these responsibilities out and get back to living your life as you deserve to live it!

Oh, and P.S. - maybe I'm being judgmental, but your "boyfriend" sounds like a total a**hole. Maybe he's the first thing you need to ditch to start being happy - anyone in your life who speaks to you like that should be shown the door as fast as you can escort him there!
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My mom is 87 and I dealing with much the same situation that you are, but you have it worse. My dad died 21 years ago. My mom’s mom lived till she was 96 and if my mom lives that long I will go insane. When my dad died I thought it was going to kill me. I want to run away daily. I want to be free again. I was always the responsible child so I get all the guilt/drama/trauma/shame/blame every time I talk to her or visit. I never had children so it’s like I’m raising an 87 year old toddler without a manual. When I talk to other adults my age, they confirm everything I am going through. It sounds awful but I will be glad when my mom is dead. Nothing I do is ever right. I want to be left alone for about 6 months so that I can learn to be “me” again. I would love to buy some new clothes that I don’t have to consider if my mother would approve. My mom is hyper critical of my appearance and within two weeks I can go from gaunt and scrawny to bloated and fat in her opinion (having never lost or gained weight).  You are not alone in feeling like this. This forum is great and I hope you can get some answers.
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Start searching for help. Any of these people have money? As in money to hire in home help? Make them hire..... become unavailable. It’s too much for you.... As time goes on , the demands will get worse. What’s the condition of your dad , that he’s not stepping up to the plate with your stepmom?

you need to be unavailable....

I get what you mean about having to listen to the same story the upteenth time. I was on the phone with my mom yesterday, listening to her complain yet again, I had to tell myself , breathe... let her.... breathe.... and I let her , so when your mom is not understanding why you are not visiting her.. jealousy? Breathe again , and tell yourself , you can’t do it all , move on...

I wish you luck, I am so glad I found this forum. ....Before I put my foot in it, with my in laws. I refuse. Does that make me a bad person, ... well in the eyes of my sister in law it does. But I don’t care. I’ve worked hard all my life, not to end up doing elder care and all that goes with it, the diapers etc. Brother in law who is FPOA, doesn’t want to hire help as he’s saving for inheritance..(by time they die there won’t be any)
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I can’t imagine where you’ll be, emotionally, financially, physically, of you try to maintain all this for much longer. You’re burned out, no judgment in saying that, there are simply too many plates in the air and you can’t keep juggling all of them. I hope you’ll decide to guard your own health and future and change the situation. It’s not wrong to say “I can’t do this anymore” and find a new plan
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You are volunteering for all of this. You do have the power to change it/leave it. You are not responsible for their happiness. If you are not the PoA for any of the people for whom you are providing care, it will eventually become a poop show to manage, anyway. Today you can call APS and report them to their county's social services to get them on their radar. They will gain legal guardianship of them and take care of all their needs. It's either this, or walk just walk away, or stay in the mire. There is no 4th option.

Also, be sure you know what you're doing with selling that house and giving money to someone. If that "someone" ever needs Medicaid in the next 2.5 to 5 years, this transaction might prevent that.

When we are stressed we are much less able to tolerate little irritations because we are all raw. You are probably in Burnout and this is not sustainable for anyone. Just read other posts on this forum under the Burnout topic. So, you do have options and maybe none of them feel "good" right now but to some problems there are just no good or perfect solutions. But you do have control of your life. I wish you all the best as you move forward through the mire and pop out the other side. May you gain peace in your heart.
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