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He spent only two weeks on hospice. I wish we had called them sooner. I think he surprised hospice at how fast he declined. My mother’s grief is hard to witness. I cry more in sympathy with her than for my own grief. They were married 67 years. We are worried about her.

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Treeartist, that is a beautiful memory to have of everyone involved. Hugs.
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97yearoldmom,

What a sweet memory of your mother. My brother played Taps on a trumpet he borrowed. He had not played one for years. That was so poignant as my father started his military career as a Drum Major and trumpet player in the Air Force Drum and Bugle Corps.

We never considered not taking my mother, we were just so worried about how she would endure it. She was a warrior. She behaved as any widow would burying her husband.

I too, have a sweet moment to relate. After the two honor guards folded the flag, one of them knelt in front of her to present the flag (what a thoroughly moving ritual!). She had been stoic while they folded it, but burst into tears when he began the “on behalf of a grateful nation....” speech. At that moment every great grandchild in attendance ran and surrounded her like little butterflies, hugging and consoling her. The nearby adults just stepped back and let them do what they knew she needed. I’ll never forget it.
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TreeArtist
I am sorry for the loss of your dad.
I saw your post about your mom being in a wheelchair. My MIL was in a wheelchair when FIL passed. She had dementia and cancer. But she did fine. The visitation with an open casket was hard on her. Each time she saw him it was a shock. So we positioned her chair near him but not facing the casket so she could great visitors.
He had a military funeral. When taps played she stood and placed her hand on her heart to honor the flag. We were all in awe of her sudden ability to just stand, the unexpected response to the taps and her quiet dignity. She died one month and one day later. It never occurred to us not to take her to his funeral.
Thats been eleven years ago.
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Very very sorry about your dads death. Its not about me, but my dad died a year and a half ago so I know what you are going through.
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Dear Treeartist, sorry for your dad's passing. I'm sure glad that your mom has you nearby. Yes, definitely keep an eye on mom now,... she may not have any appetite, (maybe think about those nutritional shakes: cuz they will keep her hydrated 2).
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TreeArtist, I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your Dear Dad, may he rest in peace. I'm sure your Mom is devastated, having Loved him practically her entire life, but it's early days yet and I pray that in time she will learn to adjust and her deep grieving will settle down into her having the Beautiful memories of their life together.

I know it must be incredibly hard, I remember when my own Mom went through it after losing my Dad, but through it they do get with the Loving help of you, family members and friends. Now is the time to surround her with your loving arms, tell how much you Love her, and try to keep her busy doing things she enjoys, difficult I know as you miss him too.

I will be praying for you and your family during this difficult time, take care! Stacey b
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I am so very sorry.
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Thank you for all your condolences. Ginger May, yes, you are right, it is a shock to the whole system. My brain feels like mush. I find myself time traveling in my memories to when I was a little girl, then fast forward to the last 10 years when he became, in temperament, the father I always wanted. His long years of disability and dependence, though hard, gave all his children, (at least in my view) an opportunity to have a new relationship with our father and heal a great deal of hurt. That is the father I mourn.

My nearby family has around 45 members covering four generations and this is the first death we have suffered. The first funeral that we had to plan. We have attended faraway funerals of other extended family but none in which we were so emotionally invested. He was the patriarch of the family.

You would not believe how much this forum has helped me in some of the caregiving decisions we made over the last years, especially the End of Life ones. Yes, we are allowing our mother to grieve in whichever ways she wants. We just sit with her. And pray with her. And remind her that she doesn’t need to concern herself with or fear the future - just today. Stay in Today. Stay in the Now. Feel God’s comfort in the Now, along with her daughter’s hand in hers.

It is strange how she has survived these initial five days. It is as if the intense mental pain has cut through the fog of dementia and bipolar disorder, and she has moments of clarity that I have not seen in years. I am concerned about her surviving the funeral. I will be contacting her psychiatrist to see if he should prescribe her something for that day. She already takes some powerful medications for her bipolar disorder. Does anyone have any suggestions or experience with bringing their aged parent to the funeral of their spouse? She is in a wheelchair, (two person assist), incontinent, and on oxygen also,
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TreeArtist, I too offer condolences on your loss, and hope that as days pass the emotional pain will ease.

For now, spend as much time as you both need to express your grief, and think instead of wishing you had gotten hospice involved sooner, that you did the right thing, at the right time, and could have been the best gift you could give to your father to ease his last days.

Peace to you and your mother.    May you find ways to comfort each other as you move forward.
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I'm very sorry for your loss. Let yourself grieve. Don't keep it inside too long. Prayers of comfort to you and your Mom and your family.
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They were together a lifetime. Let her grieve. My Mom grieved, and I thought, much as she had loved my Dad, that she would follow him quickly. Indeed she became ill shortly after and needed a pacemaker, but during her recovery, while walking her in the hall she surprised me by saying "I did everything I could for your Dad, and I will be glad to see him again, but if I can have a few more quality years just watching the politics and reading, I would like to have them". You never know where your Mom will go. My goodness, they were together a lifetime. Clearly your Dad was tired and ready to let go. I find we almost always get hospice in too late. My sympathies out to the entire family. Remember, let her grieve. Let her talk. My Mom was hesitant to burden others with her grief, but a small glass of wine got her crying and talking, and it was good for her. Hugs.
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Treeartist, my heartfelt sympathy to you and your family.
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Treeartist, I am sorry for your loss.

May God grant you all, especially your mom grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.

67 years is a beautiful testimony to their love.
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Sorry for your loss. It is a shock to your entire system, and you are processing a lot right now. Thoughts and prayers to you and your dear mom.
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((((((((Hugs)))))))) My deepest sympathies to you and your mum.
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So very sorry for your tremendous loss. (((Hugs))) and prayers are being sent your way for comfort and peace in the days ahead.
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I’m sorry for the loss of your father. Your poor Mom! Hugs to you both.
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So sorry, my father lasted 3 days in Hospice.
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Loss is difficult even when we are expecting it, I'm so sorry.
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Please accept my deepest condolences for your family's loss.
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So sorry to hear of your fathers passing. Grief is so hard. They were married a long time. A big hug to you and your mother. Time heals.
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Treeartist,

I am so sorry for the loss of your father. It’s completely understandable that you are concerned about your mom. They were married for so very long. She is blessed that you care so much about her.
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My dad lasted only 19 days in hospice. I'm so sorry for your loss. Keeping you and your dear mom in my prayers. Grief is so hard.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Your family is in my prayers
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So sorry for your loss Treeartist.
Hugs to you and your Mom.
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I'm so sorry for you, your mom and your family. May you receive peace in your hearts.
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I'm so sorry about your dad's death, Tree. Big hugs to you and your dear mom.
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