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Yes, I was kind of wondering what happened to Paul. Perhaps he feels he is in control of the situation now, so he has signed off, at least for a while.
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I am fairly sure that Paul got fed up at the end with off-topic comments, instructions he didn’t want about his brother, and the aggro that started up. I doubt if he will be back.
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We do miss you. Paul.

Love hearing about Wales and your family!

I am still working on my family tree. I love my UK ancestry! One day I plan on doing the DNA testing to learn more.
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Hi Paul,

Hope all is well with you and your family, and the elders. Update us when you can. We miss you.
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A rotten boss can make one’s life miserable!

It’s also difficult being the boss! It’s even worse when you are the boss with two owners of the company and one is for you and the other one with 51 percent of the company is against you. I have been in that situation before!

What was truly awful was that the owner asked me to fire one of my best employees over a personal matter. He didn’t like her religion! I was furious. I refused to do it.

Things can get crazy at work! Sometimes, it doesn’t even involve the actual work performance, it’s a personal issue which is utterly ridiculous.
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"I thought he was a lousy boss too"

How's that saying go? If they can't do the work, promote them? ;-)

We had someone hired into managing the computer dept who came from GE or someplace like that, making razors or something... Way back in the day... No computer experience, just old school MANagement... I swear this man thought women should remain barefoot and pregnant! He criticized what I suggested to make the work flow better, but knew nothing about how it all worked!

Of course it isn't just men who are like that. The last section management person I had to deal with was no better. Imagine her calling a meeting with my "supervisor" (glorified paper pusher and check-box checker) and telling me that she "doesn't know what I do" and saying for all she knows I stand outside and smoke all day... When I said I only smoke 4 butts/day, you could hear the audible intake of air before she said "I didn't even know you smoked."! So, if you don't know that, clearly you have NO clue what I do at all. She was hell-bent on getting rid of me because my closure rate of SW fixes didn't meet her "expectations." Some can be closed quickly, others take time. She NEVER came to the SW lab to talk with me or see what I do. QUALITY toots, not just quantity! When peoples' lives depend on this SW, AND I have to sign my name to it, I prefer to take time to ensure it works correctly. Good riddance, when she finally got her wish.
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Beatty, you're quite welcome.   I hope it's helpful, and I hope the print size has changed from that used in the 1980s, which was probably about a size 8 font!

Chriscat83, interesting point on the time wasted on manipulation.    And the sad side effect is that I don't think it generates anything positive in being molded to someone's manipulative desires; it just seems to generate hostility.   Sometimes I wanted to tell these two people to "just grow up!"    But I think in retrospect that they have some other personality deficiencies and fighting with each other allows them to channel blame instead of addressing their shortcomings.

Another interesting aspect was that I found insights into one of attorneys for whom I worked toward the end of my working life and another who was a department head (although I'm not sure if the problem was him or the company's culture).     The latter wasn't an attorney; this was in a large corporation.

And I realized that the first mentioned boss either had ADHD (a good possibility) or had extreme control issues....or both!

It was only when I had some frank chats with other attorneys that I realized he had a very serious problem, and couldn't retain staff.  

For people working together, the employer should be able to provide staff with adequate and accurate information to allow them to accomplish their tasks.

The second mentioned individual was just a lousy person, caught up in the machinations of corporate execs.   I thought he was a lousy boss too; he didn't support his staff.
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I am ordering that book now! Thanks GardenArtist 😍
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Betty,

All of us know people like that. It truly is a never ending cycle with that type of person.

You’re exactly right in saying that they NEVER want advice!

No matter how kind advice is pointed out to them, they will never admit anything.

It’s always excuse after excuse and worse, they will say to anyone and everyone who will listen that the person that is trying to help them is attacking them.

The person who continually did this is our family was my husband’s grandmother.

What’s truly sad, is that she died in the hospital all alone. She became so miserable to be around that no one could stand being in her presence.

They no longer have any credibility. They are able to fool a few people but sooner or later most people discover their true colors, right?
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Garden Artist, that's a helpful post about that book. I'm constantly struck by how much energy these manipulative people must spend, and waste, on plotting and scheming. What a sad life. Far better to try to feel gratitude for the good things in life, however small.
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Beatty, the concepts you cite are also addressed in a book I read back in the 1980s.   It was so insightful that some of his observations and explanations caused me to repeatedly say "wow!" when I realized how much insight was shown into manipulative and other behaviors.  

It's a real eye opener.   And apparently the book is still available.

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/17431/coping-with-difficult-people-by-robert-m-branson-phd/9780440202011/
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Hey Paul, how are you doing?

I wish you & the readers here a lovely Easter 🥚🐰

I was reading an interesting (old) Huffpost article today...

Emotional Moochers.
Whoa, what a concept! Moochers are not just like that friend of a friend that comes to stay, overstays, eats all your food, borrows money. There are Emotional Moochers too. That drain out your positive emotions (also knowns as energy vampires).

And Drama Magnets. (Yeah, know one or two of thoses).
Something is always wrong. Always. And of course, once a problem is solved, another one emerges. And they only want your empathy, sympathy and support-but not your advice! You offer help and solutions, but they never seem to want to fix anything.

I am trying to build shields for myself for the extended family gatherings 😁
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Polar: Thank you so much.
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Disgusted: Unfortunately, yes. Very unexpected. Med that my urologist put me on had a rare side of pneumonia. I got pneumonia shots x2.
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Thanks to all on this thread who wish me well. I hope to back to wellness soon.
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"Looks like certain people want to be "right" and tell me whats what. Being perfectly honest, I really have no inclination to get into arguments on this forum and cause myself even more stress...."

Just like dad and bro, don't let anything written/said here get under your skin. It's someone's opinion, right or wrong and you can ignore it. Take what works for you or what you think might work and leave the rest behind.

In my last job, we had online "progress" reports. Generally a supervisor posts most, but others can too. With or without requests, but often it was up to you to "invite" others to comment. The one running our group kept posting worse stuff every time these were "due." Funny thing is if you read her posts and everyone else's, you'd be scratching your head wondering if they were discussing the same person! I could have fought that. I could have fought the HR person who didn't do her job, but it wasn't worth it. I vented to those I knew were in my camp and let it go. I could read the writing on the wall... I was right. Whatever her issue with me was, she was hell bent on getting rid of me. I took the best away when that happened:

No more 3+ hour round trip commute.
No more putting up with this one's CRAP.
Since my b'day fell the same week as the last severance check, I was DONE working.

You can please some of the people all of the time.
You can please all of the people some of the time.
But you can't please all of the people all of the time.

Please don't go...
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Disgustedtoo,

Yep! They were the ‘smart’ ones!

I agree with all of your posting. Love the ‘S’ list!
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Llamalover47 - After just getting your eyes fixed? :-(

Hoping you get well soon and feel better! No more getting pneumonia - if you're prone to lung issues, maybe the pneumonia shots would help? If you got the shots and still got pneumonia, eek! Take care dear!
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NHWM:

"...they were the smart ones..."

I forget what thread it was in but someone used these same or similar words. My comment back was basically to point out the wrong "S" word was used.

The "S" word in that sentence should be SELFISH...

Other "S" words come to mind as well...
STUPID
SMUG
SPINELESS
SCUM
SANCTIMONIOUS
SHAMELESS
SHIRKER
SLACKER
SH*T (might as well bleep it before they do!)

I'm sure there are many more "S" words that might fit the bill.

BTW, this does NOT apply to those who have valid reasons for not being able to physically help out and offer either monetary and/or moral support, as needed, including those who HAVE done the stint and have burnt out. These words are for those who refuse to help, butt in and criticize without lifting a finger ever to help, don't ask for input, just dish out what THEY say should be done, right or wrong, etc., such as paul's bro, NHWM's bro, some or all of Beatty's rellies, etc - at least from what I've read, the shoes fit!
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Paul - I hope you won't leave this thread and forum.

This place exists to support all who need it. And this place also exists because of those who need and participate in it. Without you, me, and hundreds/thousands other posters, there wouldn't be AC forum. You will be missed if you left.

Take whatever advice you want/need and are ready for. The rest, let it float out into cyber space...
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Llama- Thinking of you and sending you warm wishes. Get well soon.
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Feel better, Llama

Will say prayers for you.
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Wow, Paul, I'll never be able to catch up any time soon as I am in hospital with pneumonia. My 74 year old self is having a rough go of it.
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Beatty,

Therapy is what helped me get to the bottom of my feelings about my family issues too.

Glad it worked out for you too.

It’s interesting to see how we can get stuck in a rut without realizing it.

Outside objective feelings really woke me up to how my behavior had changed.

Changes happen gradually so it’s hard for us to pinpoint it but others are able to spot it and point it out.
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Took me ages too.

We had a free councillor service at work (could use for any reason) so I finally decided to use it to discuss family related stress. The Councillor poked me into anger - on purpose! To get me to reach my feelings I suppose. It worked. I started standing up for myself better. It was HARD but worth it.

Use your anger. Use the lockdown too. It has changed so many lives.

It showed me once & for all that my dependant relative needs to make other arrangements other than me. I could sing it from the rooftops but she won't get it. But actions speak louder. I do social visits once a month only. The rest? No.
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Lots of love, Paul. Yours, Margaret
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Paul,

We all need to vent once in a while. Lord knows that I have done my share of venting too.

Don’t feel like it is time for your thread to end.

You’re going to figure things out in due time. It took me forever to sort through things with my family.

Take care, Paul. Everyone cares.
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Just to clarify, yes it was son who broke his mothers arm. A few years ago this was, he has trouble with his temper.

CM - What planet are you living on? The Senedd make the law for lock down in wales, my local Senedd Assembly Member is surely someone who is available to help with clarification on things?

"absolutely alone in observing the law" - Wow. And they blame the youngsters for causing the spread. Just goes to show.....

Not that its relevant but my political beliefs and the complete opposite of what my local AM stands for - just saying.

Well thanks for all the people who've been kind to me on this thread. Maybe its gone on too long now and its time for it to come to an end......

I know well I'm completely useless at dealing with it, get wound up and go about it all wrong, but it does help me to rant and rave on here.

Looks like certain people want to be "right" and tell me whats what. Being perfectly honest, I really have no inclination to get into arguments on this forum and cause myself even more stress....

Im sure I'll still be around but for now - hwyl fawr
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Disgustedtoo,

You got that right. When siblings find out how it is. they have a different reaction.

Really and truly though...

When I look back, they were the smart ones for not taking on the responsibility in the first place.

They may do it out of necessity afterwards but they will not wish to continue caregiving, which is actually best all around because the parent can finally be placed in a facility and no one is burdened, allowing the parent to receive proper care in the facility.
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Paul, read this, please:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2016/07/09/how-being-raised-by-a-narcissist-damages-your-life-and-self-esteem/amp/
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