Hi I'm K. I just found this site doing research into what's available out there benefit and help wise for the elderly. And I'm SOO incredibly thankful I did. First thank you all for having me. I was in the signing up part where you tell a little bit about yourself and without realizing it until after I had said so much that it was probably the wrong place to ask questions lol. If anyone has a little time to spare could you please read it and if you could give me a bit of help with information as I said so much I dont think I could bring myself to ask for help with so many things again. I admittingly feel bad for needing help for some reason. You know what I mean?? Like I should just be able to take care of everything not wanting to burden anyone with my crap or frustrations. Kinda of feeling ashamed for needing help with all of this. I'm not sure if it can be done that way I mean if you can look at the about me and see the questions there or not. I may need to ask it all again here. I hate to ask you all to go out of your way like this for me. Ill come back a bit later and try to say/ask everything again. Thank you all for your time and help. I so very much appreciate it and knowing I'm not alone in all of this means so much more than I can express. I'm so so happy to hv found yall!! Oh my user name is Uncouthheathan, a little nickname my grandmother always called us lol.

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Oh, Honey---
You are in WAAAY over your head. SO kind and thoughtful and so clueless.

I recently stepped AWAY from a similar situation. Finally realized that it was not my circus nor my monkey to be babysitting,

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING helped. I could do nothing right. I was yelled at, almost daily, I was put down, all my hard word ended up each day in a total shambles. My "neighbor" was simply a taker and so was her family. They were at the base of the "abusing". Didn't appreciate a single solitary thing I did for them (her).

I'd leave a spotless house everyday at 4 and come back at 9 the next am and it looked as if a tornado had gone through the house.

Only took me 5 months to figure out what an idiot (well meaning) I was.

I quit, Period, Told the family that I was leaving town and then made plans to do so. Said I wouldn't return in a CG position.

AND I did not. Went cross country for 10 days, and somehow the family made it work, too me over 3 months to be able to speak to her again...there she still sits, filthy house as bad as the day I started, I guess she's waiting for another "angel".

Some people are users and sadly, they abound!

This is not your problem to fix. You can out in your 2 cents worth, but stay away from the day to day. Just with a bad back---you'll be toast in 2 weeks.

You aren't going to like what I have to say...DON'T DO IT! This woman needs more help than you can give. She needs to be in LTC. While she is in rehab, have her evaluated for LTC and Medicaid. I understand that you love this woman but believe me you are taking on more than you realize.
First, she is wheelchair bound in a trailer! I worked for a Visiting Nurse Assoc. Our nurses had a hard time getting a patient out of his bedroom because they couldn't maneuver the wheelchair out into the hall. Fire hazzard!

Does she have black mold and a leaky roof too? Not a good place to bring her back to. I just looked up side effects of black mold.

"In addition to coughing, sneezing, and irritated eyes, exposure to black mold can come with a range of other serious symptoms. ... A mold problem can cause you to experience dizziness, anxiety and depression, and even hallucinations."

Being wheelchair bound, how are you going to get her out of the trailer?
It will be easier getting her into LTC now than later. I think ur Mom's health should be your main priority.

If you chose to go with this, check with Medicaid and see if the woman would qualify for homecare. Even an aide to bath her. Your local Office of Aging may be able to help. If she is sent home with PT to be done in the home, take advantage of the aid they provide.

Not sure about who to turn to about the roofs and mold. Do you have homeowners on your trailers? I live in NJ and the shore points are still dealing with Sandy damage.

Hi K, and welcome to the forum. I did read your profile and commend you for wanting to help your neighbor. You and the social worker at the facility have to clearly determine the amount of care she will need and be realistic about how much you are physically able to give her. Talk to the social worker and tell her what you told us about the conditions of her home. They won’t allow an unsafe discharge and will probably have a requirement for home based care, but you need to tell them your limitations and that you cannot be expected to help her 24 hours a day 7 days a week without assistance. I assume she’s on your states Medicaid program?

Regarding the the black mold, I just googled “elderly home repair assistance in Texas” and came up with this website. I don’t know anything about it but it might be a place to start to try to get a grant for the repairs. Also if you are a church member, perhaps your pastor could put you in touch with a volunteer group that could help with repairs.

I believe some members are from Texas and hopefully have more specific info for you.

Please don’t feel that your questions are trivial, or be embarrassed to admit you don’t know stuff. There is no book on how to do this! I have asked many health related questions lately...the most recent about how to get my Mom to blow her nose. Ha! Talk about trivial!

Well, heck. I didn't even read your signing up thing. But, I'll already say this. Let that darn being ashamed and asking for help nonsense go. I was like that also. SO much like that. Oh, go me, I can do it ALL. Which before this happened with my Mom I always seemed to be able to do. But this situation? Knocked me right down. Took me a long time and a boatload of losses to realize, hmm, guess I can't do it all after all. And it's ok.

K, you sound like a very kind and loving person who wants to do everything you can, and then do more. But, you are spreading yourself too thin. Ultimately, when Mrs. B comes home, you will be doing the work of three shifts of people 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And, you are not well yourself. You said you have a bad back. If you try to lift or reposition Mrs. B and you or she moves the wrong way, you could wind up badly injured, or she could. Aides take training for this. They have to learn how to safely turn and move their patients. Also, from what you’ve written, your home is not a safe place. You have black mold which can be deadly. You can call your local Area Agency on Aging and explain your situation to them. They may be able to steer you toward help. You can also speak with the Social Worker at Mrs. B’s Rehab. She might be able to help.

I know your heart is in the right place, but you need to be realistic. This is a massive undertaking. I know because I am sole caregiver for my husband. It’s a very, very hard job. And you potentially could be doing it for two people. You are a kind and loving person and none of us here would want you to burn yourself out.

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